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Old 12-25-2019, 11:39 AM
556 posts, read 991,616 times
Reputation: 710


I have 2 grown sons aged 27 and 23.
The 23 yr old makes more sound decisions in his life than his older brother and a recent decision of the olderl brother has caused strained relationship between him and me.
About a month ago, the older son's work truck was stolen. He had parked it at a public train parking lot for the weekend as he was taking the train to come meet me for a weekend visit.
After the visit, I drove him all the way back to pickup his vehicle at which time we discovered it missing.
He then disclosed to me that not only was his vehicle not registered (due to not being insured) but he had left all his mechanic tools in the truck tool box.
After making a police report, I drove him home and gave him a couple hundred dollars (which I had planned to since before the visit).
The truck never was recovered and after a week he called me asking for some $$ to help him buy another truck. When I told him I wasn't going to help with the money he became irritated and frantic as he plead for money to help him replace the vehicle. He had blown $18,000 that he got from a previous auto accident that was not his fault and had nothing to show for it so I couldn't in good conscious shell out my hard earned money.
He hung up on me but later texted back apologizing.
Since then, his mother who lives in the same city as he, has bought him a car but my son has refused to answer my calls.
He did return a greeting to my Thanksgiving day text message.
Being Christmas, I knew both my sons would be together visiting their mother so I called my younger son to wish both them both well on the holiday. My older son had few words.
This is the first time he has ever acted distant from me and I am hoping that he gets over this.
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Old 12-25-2019, 11:46 AM
1,212 posts, read 1,912,601 times
Reputation: 5675
I know it’s sad for you, especially around the holidays, but you did the right thing. Continue to reach out occasionally. Maybe, with time, he’ll realize you did the best thing for him.
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Old 12-25-2019, 02:52 PM
13,917 posts, read 15,037,142 times
Reputation: 11735
Lucky you if this is the first time you’re kids been mad at you. Yes he’ll get over it, he’s a grown up now. If need be, remind him. Not your fault, not your problem.
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Old 12-25-2019, 04:50 PM
1,024 posts, read 313,313 times
Reputation: 1978
That's emotional extortion, on your son's part. And, at 27, damn. Your adult son is throwing a "teenageresque" tantrum, throwin' in a heaping of "the silent treatment," to punish you for not giving him what he wants. Rather immature, IMO.

outdoorman, you did the right thing and made the right call, though I can imagine it was difficult for you. Were you to have given into your son, it would incentivize and reward him for poor judgment and living beyond his means, which are not lessons a responsible parent should teach. Shame on his mother for giving into your son.

I think you are right in your approach to keep in contact with him by reaching out with well-wishes text/messages and letting him know you are there for him, care for him and love him. The rest is up to your son to re-bridge the gap between you two.

May the spirit of Christmas find you just when you need it most.
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Old 12-25-2019, 07:11 PM
7,029 posts, read 5,553,319 times
Reputation: 14762
oh wow - was going to ask about insurance but re-read the post. No insurance.

He has made some bad choices and decisions. Hope he learns from this.
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Old 12-26-2019, 08:27 AM
5,583 posts, read 6,909,733 times
Reputation: 9136
I think you made the right choice, but usually in situations like this, there is soooooooo much more to the story. Usually years of built up resentment, etc. Rarely is this just a single incident.
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Old 12-26-2019, 03:07 PM
312 posts, read 70,022 times
Reputation: 537
I don't think older/younger matters it an "adult" child that fails to appreciate what their parents have done for them.

Also some just look at things like money as something a like a pencil or cup of sugar to be "borrowed" never to be returned. Money is a thing to them. They don't get it represents hard work, budgeting, saving etc.

My guess the son started hanging out with people who had this attitude during or after high school. I always heard keep your young children and teens away from the wrong crowd but "adult" children can fall in with the wrong crowd just as easily. Problem they don't have to listen to other adults,like a teen or child does/should.
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Old 12-26-2019, 05:00 PM
Location: South Carolina
14,227 posts, read 19,462,811 times
Reputation: 25433
he is acting like a spoiled brat and his mummy took care of him and I would tell him as long as his attitude continues he can ask his mummy for things . I would not lift one finger to help him let his mother do it . Since she stepped in and treated the baby like he is acting . He is far old enough to learn to sink or swim .
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Old 12-27-2019, 07:26 AM
4,354 posts, read 1,907,693 times
Reputation: 4351
I don't believe in sink or swim. Sink or swim attitude tells me that a parent set inappropriate expectations for their child. What I do believe is not saying 'no' automatically to give myself time to think about why I want to say no. It has to do with the insurance. It is a reoccurring payment and he would need to have a plan to get insurance.

When a family member asked me to help him out, I refused. He yelled at me. He ignored more for a long time. But now he is talking to me and making better choices. They are not the same choices I would make but they are certainly better.
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Old 12-27-2019, 07:54 AM
Location: Wonderland
47,898 posts, read 38,530,323 times
Reputation: 68526
OP you did the right thing. Your son is 27. It sounds to me like you have already established realistic boundaries with him - now it's time to maintain those boundaries. He will nearly certainly get over it. If not - well, there are consequences to actions.
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