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Old 12-27-2019, 07:27 PM
 
7,990 posts, read 4,260,709 times
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Stop giving him gifts. If his dad wants to give him something, let him pick it out, pay for it, and wrap it.
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Old 12-27-2019, 07:48 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
46,147 posts, read 44,502,910 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
Sigh.

I don't think the OP is giving gifts expecting something back in return and that's the reason she's giving a gift.

I don't think her irritation has anything to do with not getting a present because doggonit she wants a present.

I don't think she's out of line to be irritated in fact.

I also don't think she can win this showdown. That being said, I do believe she has the right to share her opinion with her husband, and possibly with her step son - IN PRIVATE. And that's all. That's about all she can do.

Of course, if the presents were a matter of breaking the bank financially or whatever, she would have even more of a right to say something but that doesn't seem to be the issue.

The issue seems to me to be that the step son is acting like an entitled child at age 26 and that his family is enabling him and this is what irritates the OP, who has every right to be irritated by this display in my opinion. But like I said, her options are limited. Damned if she does and damned if she doesn't at this point.
I haven't seen many posts that would disagree with this.

But to do as some have suggested and just stop giving him presents at all, which I don't think she actually plans to do, misses the mark and reinforces the idea that the gift exchange is more about receiving than giving, which I don't believe is the lesson anyone wants him to learn.
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Old 12-27-2019, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,124 posts, read 54,206,506 times
Reputation: 72845
Yeah.
That would happen like ONE TIME EVER for me and that sack of crap would never get a gift again.
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Old 12-27-2019, 09:27 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
47,898 posts, read 38,530,323 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
I haven't seen many posts that would disagree with this.

But to do as some have suggested and just stop giving him presents at all, which I don't think she actually plans to do, misses the mark and reinforces the idea that the gift exchange is more about receiving than giving, which I don't believe is the lesson anyone wants him to learn.
There were two duplicate threads. I am not interested in trying to keep the two separate in my mind, but there were plenty of comments on one or the other, or both, I don't know, accusing the OP of "not giving gifts without the expectation of a gift" and all that good stuff, which I thought was ridiculous because it's very clear to me that the OP is irritated by the attitude of entitlement and adolescence that the step son is exhibiting.

Very tricky waters to navigate as a step mother.
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Old 12-27-2019, 11:28 PM
 
2,784 posts, read 1,178,675 times
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OP,

I agree the situation does seem unfair yet in the true Christmas spirit no one is obligated to buy gifts for one another.



I dont think this very young man has realized he is an adult and should act accordingly.
He will clue in after a bit more experience in the world.

By the way, leasing a car and buying presents for his girlfriend does not nessessarily mean his has enough disposable income to purchase gifts for everyone.

Try letting it go. People can change.
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Old 12-27-2019, 11:54 PM
 
Location: planet earth
6,029 posts, read 2,362,316 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kitty61 View Post
OP,

I agree the situation does seem unfair yet in the true Christmas spirit no one is obligated to buy gifts for one another.



I dont think this very young man has realized he is an adult and should act accordingly.
He will clue in after a bit more experience in the world.

By the way, leasing a car and buying presents for his girlfriend does not nessessarily mean his has enough disposable income to purchase gifts for everyone.

Try letting it go. People can change.
To me, it's a matter of character, thoughtfulness, and awareness.

When I was 12, with no prodding from anyone, I took my babysitting cache and took the bus 10 miles or so to a shopping center where there was a Woolworth's. Bought probably 12 gifts (for two grandmas, parents, sibling, cousins, etc.). I still remember what I got my grandmas - two really pretty music boxes. I was so THRILLED to be able to do this! Carried all of that stuff home on the bus, then walked a mile from the bus stop to my house.

Not bragging, but am proud of my character, and really don't like it when people make excuses for people with weak character. There is NO REASON a young man with a job cannot go to CVS or Walgreen's and buy some cheap gift (at least) for people they are supposed to care about.
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Old 12-28-2019, 01:39 AM
 
Location: The Midwest
2,918 posts, read 3,297,233 times
Reputation: 5200
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Where is the chalk line that infers it's not the OP'S place??? Since this young adult is of age to lead his own life he can also be addressed about his poor manners. Yes , adults DO still openly correct social faux pas that deserve a reset. This young man needs to hear it from someone!

Op ...as an adult myself...please do society a favor and correct this young man on his thoughtlessness.
I definitely agree with you that someone should clue this young man in. However, I think OP went about it in the wrong way. IMO, she (or, ideally, her DH) should have said something in private or called him ahead of time regarding the matter, NOT put him on the spot when they were already at grandma’s. Waiting until he had no opportunity or ability to course-correct just doesn’t seem like an effective way to solve the problem.
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Old 12-28-2019, 08:05 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
47,898 posts, read 38,530,323 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by strawflower View Post
I definitely agree with you that someone should clue this young man in. However, I think OP went about it in the wrong way. IMO, she (or, ideally, her DH) should have said something in private or called him ahead of time regarding the matter, NOT put him on the spot when they were already at grandma’s. Waiting until he had no opportunity or ability to course-correct just doesn’t seem like an effective way to solve the problem.

Well, I agree with this but at least the seed has been planted and now maybe the husband will say something else to him (NOT APOLOGIZING) about showing up like an adult next time.
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Old 12-28-2019, 08:25 AM
 
856 posts, read 493,046 times
Reputation: 2016
Sorry 26 is a little too old to still be getting Christmas gifts from parents and grandparents. Time to grow up and realize the gift is spending time with those you love, not material things.

I say good for you, for pointing this out to him. Clearly his parents never have.

Next year maybe instead of exchanging gifts donate to a charity or those in need. Our family did this recently and our 15 year old loved it. Everyone has far too much stuff these days...

This is clearly a failure on his mom and dad's part for not teaching him how to reciprocate or basic manners. I would imagine he does not give on other holidays either.
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Old 12-28-2019, 08:35 AM
 
751 posts, read 201,162 times
Reputation: 820
Sounds like he just thinks he’s a kid still. I’d be pissed off too. My DHs brother is 37 and single and still behaves this way. He was told a few years ago he needs to buy people gifts. My own brother is 36 and has done this many times.

I can’t stand people who sit there and take gifts and do nothing. I will say that I think Xmas and gifts on holidays in general has gotten ridiculous. Sometimes people forget that others have less money than they do.

My husband goes overboard with gifts and I hate my in laws now. They give our kids cheap crap while my DH stupidly buys them nice stuff spending more. They make more than us as well. I don’t even go over to their house anymore when the gift exchange with our kids happens because it makes my blood boil.
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