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Old 01-09-2020, 07:48 PM
Location: Texas
12,258 posts, read 4,675,306 times
Reputation: 23706


Originally Posted by Katarina Witt View Post
Maybe the family could do a name draw for the adults.
Well, they should do something. The gift issue is certainly causing a lot of upset.
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Old 01-14-2020, 08:51 PM
Location: Arizona
6,182 posts, read 5,630,205 times
Reputation: 18934
Originally Posted by sylentvoyce View Post
It does show a lack of courtesy for the family tradition, but it is still that; a courtesy.

He's not obligated to give gifts anymore than you are.

I help with the dinner table and show as much gratefulness for my gifts as I can, but, I too have never purchased gifts for family. It stresses me out and I don't know what to give. Fortunately as an adult I know that I have no obligation to subject myself to that stress. So I don't.

I've made it clear that I expect nothing because I give nothing. But when I do receive something, I try to reciprocate with work or abundant thanks.
I don't think you're an adult yet. Stressed out? C'mon.
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Old 01-15-2020, 10:34 AM
Location: Texas
12,258 posts, read 4,675,306 times
Reputation: 23706
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
I don't think you're an adult yet. Stressed out? C'mon.
I don't disagree with that poster because choosing gifts is stressful in some ways. You may not know what to give someone or may be worried that what you give will be offensive in some way. Perhaps it's easier for some people to just not give.

And gifts are not an obligation anyway.
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Old Today, 10:20 AM
Status: "We don't have to wait to start changing the world." (set 3 days ago)
Location: Wonderland
48,259 posts, read 38,765,381 times
Reputation: 69117
I do believe that there are different "love languages." Mine is not gift giving - mine is "quality time." I would much rather spend quality time with someone than receive or give a gift from or to them.

Perfect example - this weekend my BIL and SIL came down and we spent the weekend with them, because my BIL and I have birthdays close together. My SIL and I both remarked about how great it was just to sit around and talk with each other, maybe go to an estate sale or whatever together, but basically to have NO PLANS other than to just enjoy each other's company.

My BIL is more introverted. Also, though my husband (it's his brother) is extroverted, he felt like we HAD to buy a gift for his brother. OK. Apparently that's "what they do in that family." But neither of us are really into gift giving, so yes, it was stressful to figure out what to get him! And they showed up with a present for me as well.

Long story short, I don't think either present was a big hit. They bought me a book - which I've already read (didn't tell him that though). We bought him a bird feeder, and then found out that apparently he never goes outside. I guess both gifts were lame! LOL

Anyway, I am saying all that to say that I totally "get" that gift buying can be stressful. We should have just stuck with a gift card for him. And I wish I'd gotten one too. To Amazon or someplace I am familiar with - not some random weird sort of gift card. See what I mean? Ha!

I could personally do completely without gifts. But for other people, it's a pleasure to give and receive gifts. So for them, well, I try. But I'd still rather just spend some good quality time with most people. Those others? Gift cards!

For the OP's stepson - I'd say ask him beforehand if he is going to be involved in a gift EXCHANGE. If not, then just let your husband buy him something, if that's what he wants to do. If not, don't worry about it, but I would say YOU don't buy him anything. Also, don't get mad if other people do - it's not your business, it's theirs. And tell your husband to lead by example when it comes to clean up time.
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