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Old 12-29-2019, 08:00 PM
 
Location: planet earth
6,184 posts, read 2,422,424 times
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Most people are probably bi - but conform to sexual stereotypes due to conditioning.
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Old 12-29-2019, 09:30 PM
 
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I saw my friend's mom naked when I was around 6 or 7. I was very impressed and felt something that I hadn't felt before. That was an early sign that I was heterosexual.
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Old 12-30-2019, 06:47 AM
 
Location: Oak Park, IL
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I didn’t figure out that I was gay until my late teens - grew up pretty sheltered and went along with the typical norms of having boyfriends in high school. Once I accepted that I had feelings for my friend, I reflected on my younger years and realized I had crushes and romantic feelings for girls going way back.

I think you’ve said enough about your love and acceptance of your son at this point, no need to draw the conversation out at this time. Perhaps introduce some age-appropriate books that talk about the various different types of families out there, especially since you live in an area that lacks diversity. My cousins’ kids are being raised knowing that they have an uncle with a male partner and Aunties (my wife and I), so they understand that they are free to be themselves and will be loved and accepted no matter what.

At your son’s age, it’s not about kissing or other intimacies, so no need to even bring that up. Just model acceptance of everyone and he’ll grow up knowing he doesn’t have to hide whoever he grows up to be.
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Old 12-30-2019, 08:20 AM
 
Location: Florida
11,850 posts, read 5,537,246 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CGQ View Post
My 6 year old son told me last night the he wanted to marry his younger sister. I told him he couldn’t marry anyone in his family. He would have to choose a girl or boy outside of his family. He said he wanted to marry a boy.
He probably never would have thought to say he wanted to marry a boy until you said when I highlighted in red above.
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Old 12-30-2019, 08:22 AM
 
Location: Florida
11,850 posts, read 5,537,246 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Most people are probably bi - but conform to sexual stereotypes due to conditioning.
I respectfully disagree. I have never had any sexual attraction to another woman. My 34 year old son is gay and he said he knew from the time he was around 10 years old.
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Old 12-30-2019, 08:29 AM
 
Location: Roaring '20s
1,856 posts, read 474,866 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CGQ View Post
My 6 year old son told me last night the he wanted to marry his younger sister. I told him he couldn’t marry anyone in his family. He would have to choose a girl or boy outside of his family. He said he wanted to marry a boy. When I asked him about this again in the morning, he got excited and said yes, I want to marry a boy. I asked him if he wanted to hold hands and kiss boys. He looked puzzled and said „no“. I asked the same about girls. He got kiddy and said “No!”. I then asked what made him think he would want to marry a boy and he said he didn’t know what made him think that. I told him it’s okay he doesn’t know, yet. And once he figured it out I would love him all the Same, either way.

Does anyone have any experience with this? My son is mostly interested in typical boy things... dinosaurs, science and nature, playing ninja, digging in the dirt.. He chooses to dress in a typical boy style, as well. He’s currently in a phase where he has little interest in playing with girls... most of his friends are boys. So his Response did surprise me.

My question is, is it typical for children his age to have thoughts like these? I am trying to figure out whether I need to talk to him some more to make sure he never feels like there is anything wrong with him, if he is gay. But if that’s the case I also don’t want to push him too far and make him feel uncomfortable. Or is this just innocent talk of 6 year old who is learning about the different ways people love each other and I should just take it lightly and drop it?
Just a follow-up:

By now you've noticed those people who are aghast that you've dared broach the subject of sexual orientation with your son. You're 'leading' him! You're 'encouraging' experimentation! I wouldn't worry about it. I highly doubt your son remembers the conversation you had. The very idea of children even having a sexual orientation - especially a same-sex one - still appalls some people, even those who think they're 'totally fine' with same-sex attraction.

You did nothing wrong.

Also, I just remembered an anecdote from when my older son (the one who is gay; now he's in his twenties) was in third grade. There was a minor kerfuffle in the class because one day during play-time, he and a classmate (another boy) got 'married'. Word got back to some parent, who was not happy. Anyway, the point is that even at an age where a child is too young to understand in any real terms the concept of sexual orientation, hints of a child's orientation (yes, it exists at that age, even if no one - including the child - actually knows what it is yet) may begin to reveal themselves. I thought nothing of it at the time, merely assuming that it was youthful imagination mixed with not understanding that people didn't marry members of the same sex [IIRC, only in MA was it legal at the time, and MA is far from where we are]. But the other boy? Yep, turns out he's gay, too.

Back to your situation. It's really just a wait-and-see thing. I wouldn't worry about it. Also, don't let anyone shame you for your conversation with your son.
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Old 12-30-2019, 09:00 AM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
4,110 posts, read 1,873,543 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CGQ View Post
My 6 year old son told me last night the he wanted to marry his younger sister. I told him he couldn’t marry anyone in his family. He would have to choose a girl or boy outside of his family. He said he wanted to marry a boy. When I asked him about this again in the morning, he got excited and said yes, I want to marry a boy. I asked him if he wanted to hold hands and kiss boys. He looked puzzled and said „no“. I asked the same about girls. He got kiddy and said “No!”. I then asked what made him think he would want to marry a boy and he said he didn’t know what made him think that. I told him it’s okay he doesn’t know, yet. And once he figured it out I would love him all the Same, either way.
When boys are 6, girls have cooties! So it's a given that he's not interesting in playing with a girl, unless it's someone he knew since babyhood, who may have "cootie immunity". And in his mind, "marry" just meant "spend time with every day", rather than anything romantic or sexual. He's a young kid, for crying out loud!

Plus, boys at age that young are very physical in their playing: jumping on each other in a pile, doing a circle dance while all holding hands (like the Jewish hora), play-wrestling, hugging the friends, etc. (I recall it from my childhood; it may be different today.) All of it is about reinforcing social bonds and meeting their social needs; it doesn't mean interest in that way. Boys don't get physically standoffish with each other until around 3rd grade, when social pressure and homophobia set in, and physical contact becomes limited to handshakes and contact sports. Although nowadays, one-armed bro hugs are quite widely accepted.

Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 12-30-2019 at 09:09 AM..
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Old 12-30-2019, 10:25 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
46,402 posts, read 44,730,515 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2x3x29x41 View Post

Back to your situation. It's really just a wait-and-see thing. I wouldn't worry about it. Also, don't let anyone shame you for your conversation with your son.
You chastised some of us for letting the mom know she did handle this interaction incorrectly, then agree with us by saying it's a "wait and see" thing.

I didn't shame her. And yes, parents absolutely can handle these kinds of conversations wrong. Parents can introduce SO much anxiety into their children's lives by doing this very thing, introducing topics and concepts that the children just aren't emotionally and cognitively ready for.

She DID do some things wrong, and thankfully she asked about it, especially since she's a teacher too.
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Old 12-30-2019, 11:22 AM
 
13,930 posts, read 14,266,148 times
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Kids' sexualities are pretty amorphous from what I can tell. As long as you don't shame them for their feelings (which you have not done, OP), their real inclinations will surface eventually. I think NOW they can surface sooner because society is more open about same-sex attraction and kids are not necessarily programmed from birth that they will marry someone of the opposite gender.

I think it gets more complicated when you get into the issue of gender identity, and I have a whole raft of opinions on how that should be approached. (As in let the boys explore the sparkly "girly" things. But that's a whole other thing.)
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Old 12-30-2019, 11:32 AM
 
Location: Massachusetts
10,123 posts, read 11,216,509 times
Reputation: 14200
I have two 6 year old boys and they have no idea the concept of marriage, relationships, etc. We've said "do you want to get married?" They just think it means you kiss another person. Which usually follows up with an "Ewwww...gross" comment.

I have no issue with either of them potentially being homosexual, but as of right now, I've never seen any bit of sign that they are curious. I feel for them to begin to wonder about it would require some sort of influence from a parent or other adult. Really not something we considered bringing up right now. We'll let them worry about dinosaurs and pokemon and the things that interest them.
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