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Old 12-29-2019, 01:58 AM
CGQ CGQ started this thread
 
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My 6 year old son told me last night the he wanted to marry his younger sister. I told him he couldn’t marry anyone in his family. He would have to choose a girl or boy outside of his family. He said he wanted to marry a boy. When I asked him about this again in the morning, he got excited and said yes, I want to marry a boy. I asked him if he wanted to hold hands and kiss boys. He looked puzzled and said „no“. I asked the same about girls. He got kiddy and said “No!”. I then asked what made him think he would want to marry a boy and he said he didn’t know what made him think that. I told him it’s okay he doesn’t know, yet. And once he figured it out I would love him all the Same, either way.

Does anyone have any experience with this? My son is mostly interested in typical boy things... dinosaurs, science and nature, playing ninja, digging in the dirt.. He chooses to dress in a typical boy style, as well. He’s currently in a phase where he has little interest in playing with girls... most of his friends are boys. So his Response did surprise me.

My question is, is it typical for children his age to have thoughts like these? I am trying to figure out whether I need to talk to him some more to make sure he never feels like there is anything wrong with him, if he is gay. But if that’s the case I also don’t want to push him too far and make him feel uncomfortable. Or is this just innocent talk of 6 year old who is learning about the different ways people love each other and I should just take it lightly and drop it?
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Old 12-29-2019, 05:44 AM
 
13,100 posts, read 10,460,177 times
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I went through a phase of wishing to switch genders when I was around the same age, but only ever mentioned it to my parents and one caregiver, and never got bullied for it. I had those feeling for a few years but they ended before I hit puberty.

I got bullied in school for other issues ( sensory processing issues), but never over gender. Anyone can be bullied even if they are cisgender and heterosexual. My mom did have to argue with the school multiple times to get me put into better classes eventually. At your son’s age, instead of worrying about his romantic inclinations, you should focus on teaching him how to be assertive and making sure he feels comfortable discussing tough issues with you without a fear of rejection, anger, or punishment. When he gets a bit older, perhaps 4th or 5th grade, he might run into bullying problems ( but again, this can happen to anyone, of any inclination).

Eventually nature will run its course and he will grow up and find whatever type of partner is right for him. In the meantime make sure you’re there to help if he needs counseling or to be moved to different classes .
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Old 12-29-2019, 06:29 AM
CGQ CGQ started this thread
 
7 posts, read 2,679 times
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Thank you. I am a teacher in his school district and I do keep a very open line of communication with his teachers about how he is doing socially as well as a academically. You are right, anyone can be a victim of bullying. We also live in a rural community with very little diversity so I do worry about acceptance by his peers. But At this point, he is a happy child and is doing well socially. He will see what the future holds but I will take your advise and continue to work towards making sure he can talk to me about anything on his mind.thank you for your input!
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Old 12-29-2019, 07:53 AM
 
Location: Roaring '20s
1,820 posts, read 465,382 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CGQ View Post
My 6 year old son told me last night the he wanted to marry his younger sister. I told him he couldn’t marry anyone in his family. He would have to choose a girl or boy outside of his family. He said he wanted to marry a boy. When I asked him about this again in the morning, he got excited and said yes, I want to marry a boy. I asked him if he wanted to hold hands and kiss boys. He looked puzzled and said „no“. I asked the same about girls. He got kiddy and said “No!”. I then asked what made him think he would want to marry a boy and he said he didn’t know what made him think that. I told him it’s okay he doesn’t know, yet. And once he figured it out I would love him all the Same, either way.

Does anyone have any experience with this? My son is mostly interested in typical boy things... dinosaurs, science and nature, playing ninja, digging in the dirt.. He chooses to dress in a typical boy style, as well. He’s currently in a phase where he has little interest in playing with girls... most of his friends are boys. So his Response did surprise me.

My question is, is it typical for children his age to have thoughts like these? I am trying to figure out whether I need to talk to him some more to make sure he never feels like there is anything wrong with him, if he is gay. But if that’s the case I also don’t want to push him too far and make him feel uncomfortable. Or is this just innocent talk of 6 year old who is learning about the different ways people love each other and I should just take it lightly and drop it?
At six years old, I think the nature of marriage is still so abstract for a child that they can't conceive of it much beyond something along the lines of 'the type of person I want to play with every day'.

This is not to say that sexual orientation cannot manifest itself in some ways at young ages. It was sometime around the time our older son was six years old that my wife opined to me that she thought he might be gay - she put the chances at 50-50. Obviously, this was just a guess. But sure enough, a decade later he came out. I confess that I never picked up on the mannerisms and interests of my son that made my wife wonder but apparently they were there. Of course, they might not be there to the extent that they're externally observable in all gay children.

He'll figure it out. Just make sure he knows you're fine with that. And it doesn't even need to be expressed explicitly. How you treat gays and social issues concerning sexual orientation will send a message as well. That said, it should be noted that there are still enough anti-gay attitudes in society - and some surely will remain well beyond whenever he realizes his sexuality - to possibly give him pause and cause him some stress should it turn out that he is gay.
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Old 12-29-2019, 08:21 AM
CGQ CGQ started this thread
 
7 posts, read 2,679 times
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Thank you for your helpful response. We don’t interact often with gay couples but we have certainly always been a vocal supporter of equal rights for everyone. We do have several adult cousins that are in homosexual relationships and our family has always been welcoming and supportive.
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Old 12-29-2019, 09:10 AM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
11,430 posts, read 15,027,876 times
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At that age I don't know that I would actually come and say anything to the effect of "I'll love you even if you're gay, or like boys. etc" That alone sends the message that being gay is somehow problematic.
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Old 12-29-2019, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
46,350 posts, read 44,669,413 times
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You are jumping WAY ahead.

Let HIM lead the questioning from now on, because you are imposing all kinds of adult thoughts on him that he isn't ready for.
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Old 12-29-2019, 09:49 AM
 
14,330 posts, read 10,635,954 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CGQ View Post
My 6 year old son told me last night the he wanted to marry his younger sister. I told him he couldn’t marry anyone in his family. He would have to choose a girl or boy outside of his family. He said he wanted to marry a boy. When I asked him about this again in the morning, he got excited and said yes, I want to marry a boy. I asked him if he wanted to hold hands and kiss boys. He looked puzzled and said „no“. I asked the same about girls. He got kiddy and said “No!”. I then asked what made him think he would want to marry a boy and he said he didn’t know what made him think that. I told him it’s okay he doesn’t know, yet. And once he figured it out I would love him all the Same, either way.

Does anyone have any experience with this? My son is mostly interested in typical boy things... dinosaurs, science and nature, playing ninja, digging in the dirt.. He chooses to dress in a typical boy style, as well. He’s currently in a phase where he has little interest in playing with girls... most of his friends are boys. So his Response did surprise me.

My question is, is it typical for children his age to have thoughts like these? I am trying to figure out whether I need to talk to him some more to make sure he never feels like there is anything wrong with him, if he is gay. But if that’s the case I also don’t want to push him too far and make him feel uncomfortable. Or is this just innocent talk of 6 year old who is learning about the different ways people love each other and I should just take it lightly and drop it?
You lead the witness a little. It is completely normal for kids to process the relationships they see around them. Neither drop it nor pursue it. Let it just BE a normal part of their conversation. If you feel that being gay is abnormal, I would check that. IF your child is gay, having nothing to do with this conversation, they feel normal or not normal by how that is accepted, nor not, in the home.
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Old 12-29-2019, 09:51 AM
 
Location: NJ
665 posts, read 220,520 times
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He is way to young for any thoughts like that. He is who he is, even if he doesn't know it yet. And saying ill love you even if youre gay may make him feel ashamed if he has feelings like that. Like it needs to be explicitly said. Focus on showing him that you love him, period. That your love is unconditional. He will fill in the rest. Boys that age don't care much for anything having to do with girls (some are the exception obviously). Other boys play the same games, think the same way and dress the same way. Naturally that's who they want to be around. And most little boys first love and person they want to marry is their mother, so him saying that about his sister isn't all the unusual. Its a female that he loves. He doesn't separate romantic love from friendly love and familial love yet. Thats right on track
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Old 12-29-2019, 10:46 AM
 
Location: Lafayette, LA
3,484 posts, read 2,840,515 times
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At that age I don’t think it’s a matter of sexual orientation or sexual anything. He has a lot of friends, most are boys. So what he thinks of as marriage is probably really more companionship. Of course he wants to be with a boy.

When my nephew was around that age, I got married. When my husband and I got back from our honeymoon, he said to me, “Auntie, when you get divorced, I want to marry you!” It certainly didn’t mean he wanted to have sex with me! It just meant that he loved me and wanted to spend time with me.
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