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Old 12-30-2019, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Shawnee-on-Delaware, PA
4,128 posts, read 3,795,011 times
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On a different bulletin board someone posed the question of why it was OK to lie to children (regarding telling them "easting bread crust would give you curly hair"). I replied that it was an enlightened alternative to beating them ("eat your bread crust or else") that came along with the ability to provide food. In pre-industrial times children didn't have to be coerced into eating bread crust because they were always hungry.

So the aversion to beating children has been around since the industrial age, at least among people who were not actively starving. Beating children is almost always associated with other problems such as poverty, substance abuse, misogyny, and unemployment.
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Old 12-30-2019, 05:29 PM
 
18,362 posts, read 4,968,234 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by unknown00 View Post
Disclaimer - I am asian.
2-4 decades ago (1980s, 1990s), I would say beating your children as discipline was kinda sorta common and not abnormal. How is it these days in 2010s? Is it still common? If no, what changed in past couple decades?
Asking for USA
It is legal in many states for school administrators to paddle your kids.

"Corporal punishment, defined as paddling, spanking or other forms of physical punishment, is legal at public schools in 19 states, mainly in the South"

That should be some indication.

Among certain groups it is still somewhat common. Black folks (according to a 2015 study) are twice as likely to use it. This is obviously due to various social situations, some of which are unique to certain social and economic situations.

https://www.apa.org/pi/families/reso.../racial-trauma

Among "born again" Christians, support is above 75%.

There are also partisan and regional gaps. As one might expect, Democrats and Northeasterners are less likely to spank. Independents are closer to Democrats...

This all makes perfect sense when world views are taken into account.

FYI- Asian Americans are 5 percent less likely to spank their kids than other Americans (on average).

Any way you look at it, spanking still has popularity in the USA. One must remember that this is a violent country which is accustomed to both using force and being on the receiving end of it (slavery, etc.) and violence is considered more acceptable than in some other industrialized advanced countries.
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Old 12-30-2019, 06:07 PM
 
16,469 posts, read 18,496,785 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by in_newengland View Post
Because a very young pre school kid is not that capable at rational explanations of why they should not do things. Another reason is that with very young kids you may need to do something fast to make an impression--like a swat on the bottom if they are starting to run into the road or a slap on the hand if they are about to touch a hot stove.

The tiny bit of pain gets through to the just in time to prevent major injury so it is the lesser of two evils--by far.

Real spankings probably don't happen very often anymore but they were common in the 1950s and in certain case, with certain kids, they worked. But routine hard spanking never is a good idea. If kids have ever been actually beaten in this country, it was by a crazy person. No one should be anybody. A swat is different from a painful, hard physical beating.
No, you do not have to spank to get the point across to a young child. You redirect children at this young age. If a child moves to touch a hot stove and is spanked, the child will most likely learn not to touch the stove anymore. However, what they won't learn is ​why they shouldn't touch a stove. Instead, you prevent them from touching the stove and then show them that it is hot and can burn.

Spanking in general creates three kinds of reactions in children. How much of each it creates
will depend on the personality of your child.

It may produce a passive and obedient person who obeys all authority without regard to any
internal moral and ethical standard.

It may produce a rebel without a cause who disobeys all authority because s/he hates to be
controlled and will not give in to it.

It may produce a person who believes that anything goes as long as s/he doesn't get caught.

Some children will go back and forth between two of these positions depending upon how harsh
the punishment is and/or how often the punishment is used on them.
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Old 12-30-2019, 06:11 PM
 
Location: too far from the sea
20,967 posts, read 19,914,982 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
I got a spanking a few times but I deserved it
The first time with neighborhood kids flicking matches at the back of the house
Where dry hay was we could have easily burnt
The place down. - I got “ the belt”

I never did it again. -


The second time we were throwing rocks some were good size off an overpass - and also threw a mannequin that caused an accident

Grew up with a bunch of hellions - they never got spanked

In high school I was more straight and narrow
And my hellion pals started smoking dope - they didn’t care because their parents wouldn’t
Discipline them. ...

With my kid. I gave him a whack or two on the butt. And that was it
( he was running towards the road. And didn’t listen to me )


Now I had 2 kids in my class that got beat on. Not spanked. Big difference to me
One was by a mother to her daughter - have her bruises
That's how it was and it was not "beating." Beating would be barbaric. A spanking was more formalized and it was designed to teach a lesson. It didn't happen much and the usual examples would be a little swat on a small kid to stop him from running into the road or (see above) and for me, the time I, as a 9 year old girl, disobeyed and stayed outside with a bunch of ruffians until past curfew. I knew better. My parents were just about ready to call the police and report me missing. The result was a spanking over my father's knee and I never, ever did that again.

There's a middle ground with a quick swat to get their attention or a well deserved spanking and a huge difference between that and actually beating someone. Someone who wasn't even alive back in the days when parents were more strict probably wouldn't know the difference and would think of all of it as "beating." Some kids never needed a spanking but there were some kids for whom nothing else worked. And, yes, we did respect our parents. Many kids today do not respect their parents and they walk all over them.
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Old 12-30-2019, 10:22 PM
 
5,986 posts, read 3,216,694 times
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in the south it was as common as day... Make the kid go pick out the branch off a tree and it became a switch. A couple of red spots on their bum later and a few tears produce a fair amount of fear and healthy respect.


We're not talking about whipping a back, welts, blood, or lasting scrapes. I understand that this whole subject is taboo on one side but there are 50 shades of gray on this subject.
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Old 12-30-2019, 11:12 PM
 
Location: Troy, NY
1,333 posts, read 229,923 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by in_newengland View Post
There's a middle ground with a quick swat to get their attention or a well deserved spanking and a huge difference between that and actually beating someone. Someone who wasn't even alive back in the days when parents were more strict probably wouldn't know the difference and would think of all of it as "beating." Some kids never needed a spanking but there were some kids for whom nothing else worked. And, yes, we did respect our parents. Many kids today do not respect their parents and they walk all over them.
Spanking & beating are two different things. Spanking is usually done for discipline in the best interest of the child. If the child fails to listen and behave accordingly, they get spanked. Beatings are done for the rage pleasure of the hitter. They are not done for discipline.

There were two stories in the news last year about this. One was about a girl that was misbehaving, and
was warned that she was gonna be spanked. She kept on misbehaving, and her father spanked her a couple times on the but. She called the police on her father about it. All that was hurt was her pride,
the police didn't do anything.

The other story was about a grandmother that beat her grandson. She beat him on multiple occasions,
he couldn't even walk. She ultimately beat him to death.
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Old 12-31-2019, 12:42 AM
 
7,096 posts, read 3,338,240 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawk4042C View Post
Spanking & beating are two different things. Spanking is usually done for discipline in the best interest of the child. If the child fails to listen and behave accordingly, they get spanked. Beatings are done for the rage pleasure of the hitter. They are not done for discipline.

There were two stories in the news last year about this. One was about a girl that was misbehaving, and
was warned that she was gonna be spanked. She kept on misbehaving, and her father spanked her a couple times on the but. She called the police on her father about it. All that was hurt was her pride,
the police didn't do anything.

The other story was about a grandmother that beat her grandson. She beat him on multiple occasions,
he couldn't even walk. She ultimately beat him to death.
There is no difference no matter the force. TOUCH anothers body under the guise of "discipline" or a form of "punishment", is NOT any guardians "right" or priveldge to partake in. PERIOD!

A TRUE ADULT, will look beyond the incident and ask themself, How is Crossing a physical boundary thru force aiding this child in knowing they have a right to not be harmed...by someone they love?

Never have and never will support a person who justifies the "ohh it was a swat...." ohh it didn't hurt them".
I don't give a rats tail to this response. The final message to that child is they are a parents property to be tossed, swatted or mishandled at whim or will. Sad...just sad.
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Old 12-31-2019, 01:56 AM
 
5,774 posts, read 3,127,117 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann View Post
... I also think getting the strap by a principal on a child's hand should be brought back to the school system.
So how about it you get stopped for a traffic incident (speeding, failure to come to a complete stop, etc), the Officer takes a strap to your hand? Or you make a mistake at work your Supervisor gives you the strap? Is that acceptable?
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Old 12-31-2019, 02:22 AM
 
Location: Seattle
283 posts, read 123,014 times
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Where I grew up it wasn't uncommon to hear of kids being told to go pick a switch (twig off of a small tree or bush) and not the smallest one either. And the kids turned out fine.

I think the problem with a lot of children is that they don't get disciplined properly. There are just situations where you can't reason with a disobedient child.

I feel a lot of people in the south or just rural areas would probably disagree with not spanking kids.

Beating IS unacceptable though. And that only occurs when mentally unstable people don't know the difference between discipline and abuse.
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Old 12-31-2019, 02:54 AM
 
9,364 posts, read 11,221,292 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Montezia View Post
Where I grew up it wasn't uncommon to hear of kids being told to go pick a switch (twig off of a small tree or bush) and not the smallest one either. And the kids turned out fine.

I think the problem with a lot of children is that they don't get disciplined properly. There are just situations where you can't reason with a disobedient child.

I feel a lot of people in the south or just rural areas would probably disagree with not spanking kids.

Beating IS unacceptable though. And that only occurs when mentally unstable people don't know the difference between discipline and abuse.
But you can reason and discipline without swatting/hurting a child. Swatting is a reaction from a frustrated parent. Parents, if they stop and think, can set boundaries without going to that extreme. Example, 20 years ago my kid wouldn't get out of the community swimming pool one evening when it was time to go home for dinner. Just wouldn't do it. Got her out and immediately grounded her from going swimming (her favorite thing) for a few days. I could have easily spanked her and the grounding from the pool wasn't fun for me either since that was also a fun activity for me. Not being able to go swimming, and being reminded why each day, taught her and it never happened again. It took a lot discipline on my part as well!
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