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Old 01-02-2020, 03:38 PM
 
Location: SoCal
15,342 posts, read 7,350,851 times
Reputation: 12338

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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
So far the only crimes we have learned about are:

1. With her permission, he goes out to a prearranged event on NYE that she is too ill to attend. He attempts to get home by 12 but the Uber takes a long time since it's well, New Year's Eve.

2. He goes on a guys trip to Miami (again, with her permission) with his brothers where the group plays golf and goes to a famous night club. This is interpreted as "acting single," although I hear that married guys also play golf and are admitted into night clubs even when their wives are not available to join them.

3. He hasn't proposed, although he appears to be planning to do so.

Is he really such a monster, OP? Or is there more you haven't mentioned?
I don’t think it’s that bad as it comes off. If OP’s daughter doesn’t like it, she can move on.

 
Old 01-02-2020, 03:41 PM
 
13,195 posts, read 8,071,099 times
Reputation: 25476
Quote:
Originally Posted by CentralUSHomeowner View Post
Of course he is using her, but she is a grown woman allowing herself to be used and it's not your place to point out the obvious.
How is she being used? Because he enjoys spending time with his friends and siblings?
 
Old 01-02-2020, 03:43 PM
 
874 posts, read 211,010 times
Reputation: 1150
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?????
 
Old 01-02-2020, 03:44 PM
 
4,861 posts, read 2,097,360 times
Reputation: 9685
Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann View Post
Like many others have said, stay out of it. If you tell her to come home and she does, she might regret it. She also might turn it around and blame you for breaking them up.

Your daughter can make her own decisions and her own mistakes.

She obviously does (hopefully) love this guy if she's been with him this long, and vice-versa.

What you CAN and SHOULD tell her, is that your door is always open for her if she does ever want to come home. That's it.
I am not sure why a grown woman who is presumably an attorney at this point would even want to come home “far away” to a place where she is presumably not licensed. It makes no sense. FWIW, when I was in law school, almost none of my classmates (male or female) got married. Most got married sometime after finishing because it was too hard to plan/pay for a wedding while going through law school and then studying for/taking the bar. Some people I know got married a couple of years later even though they were together all through law school. I went to a Catholic law school and many people were really wanting to get married.
 
Old 01-02-2020, 04:03 PM
 
13,195 posts, read 8,071,099 times
Reputation: 25476
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr78609 View Post
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?????
Such a gross saying. The boyfriend isn't buying the OP's daughter, and it is doubtful he is getting anything for free. They live together, and most likely share in the household chores and expenses. A piece of paper does not dramatically change anything.
 
Old 01-02-2020, 04:23 PM
 
64 posts, read 14,568 times
Reputation: 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00 View Post
Such a gross saying. The boyfriend isn't buying the OP's daughter, and it is doubtful he is getting anything for free. They live together, and most likely share in the household chores and expenses. A piece of paper does not dramatically change anything.

That piece of paper does dramatically change everything.
 
Old 01-02-2020, 04:29 PM
 
13,195 posts, read 8,071,099 times
Reputation: 25476
Quote:
Originally Posted by BLMAngus View Post
That piece of paper does dramatically change everything.
Examples of how you think their day to day life will dramatically change?

Being married isn't going to stop the boyfriend from going out with friends. It's not going to force him to sit home and hold his wife's hand everytime she has a tummy ache. And he is still going to spend time with his siblings.

Yes, taxes, insurance, and all that stuff changes... But life does not suddenly change just because you're married. You have the wedding, the honeymoon, and then you go back to the same life you shared together before marriage.
 
Old 01-02-2020, 04:29 PM
 
Location: Suburb of Chicago
22,756 posts, read 10,988,560 times
Reputation: 22038
With all due respect, OP, you're not doing your daughter any favors by filling her head with the notion that he's doing anything wrong and is being selfish. He's not doing either.

You should be explaining that many married people go on guys or gals trips with their friends and that doesn't mean anything nefarious is going on.

In reading through your initial post I'm starting to wonder if you're not winding her up.

I post this on the off chance that you're still reading.....which I'm not sure you are because the responses are probably not what you anticipated.
 
Old 01-02-2020, 04:41 PM
 
12,223 posts, read 5,083,621 times
Reputation: 15170
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coloradomom22 View Post
They shouldn't be living together. He has no reason to move the relationship forward as he is getting what he wants on both sides. He gets to live like he's married (shares a bed, residence, is in a relationship) yet still gets the "I'm single" pass to go off and do what he wants, and she technically gets no demands on his time. This sounds like a huge, losing proposition for your daughter.

And as far as the New Year's scenario, when the clock strikes 12 wouldn't you want to be with your significant other than some random strangers at a bar?

I'd think it more likely they had friends planning to be at the same bar and why would you want to be home if she is just going to be asleep? People in a healthy relationship can do things on their own and don't need to be glued at the hip all the time.


But bottom line here, she knows her boyfriend better than anyone. It's up to her to decide if what they have is right or not. Not even the mother, much less you, is in any position to say whether they should or shouldn't be living together.
 
Old 01-02-2020, 04:46 PM
 
12,223 posts, read 5,083,621 times
Reputation: 15170
Quote:
Originally Posted by BLMAngus View Post
That piece of paper does dramatically change everything.

No, it really does not.
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