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So you have two children from two different failed relationships and are going for a third with a guy you just met 6 months ago? What could possibly go wrong.
This is a very strangely written OP. You and your parents are named on a lease... That also has your BF's name on it? Why is the BF's name on it? Maybe I'm not understanding this right.
...And one of the daughter's father's name is on it as well? Is there a custody plan? Like PP noted, your parents are guardians as well... Why?
I kinda get the impression that adulting is kinda a new concept that you're just now starting on. Don't move in with the BF... Don't move away from your kids. What's the rush? Take your time.
In cases you hear in the news of child abuse/endangerment, they almost always seem to be perpetrated by the MOTHER'S PARAMOUR left alone with the kids.
Look, we don't know your boyfriend. He may well be an awesome guy. But what we do know is that "mommy's new boyfriend" is, statistically speaking, one of the most dangerous people for young children of single mothers to be with. Your boyfriend, if he is as upstanding as you believe he is, will want to prove those statistics wrong. And he will understand that he's signing up for a lifetime commitment, both as your husband and as your children's step-father. By all means, give him the opportunity to prove his worth. But do it on terms that are best for your children over the long term, not just what feels good for you or for your boyfriend at this moment in time.
No you don't ditch your kids for anybody, let alone a BF of 6 months!
WTF! I probably have a bottle of ketchup in the fridge that's been around for longer than 6 months! Move in with him, with the kids; after you get married.
In cases you hear in the news of child abuse/endangerment, they almost always seem to be perpetrated by the MOTHER'S PARAMOUR left alone with the kids.
Yup. The first murder of 2020, in my city, was a child who was beaten to death by his Mom's boyfriend (when he was babysitting for her).
If I understand the situation correctly, OP lives in a rented house/apartment with her two children, her parents and possibly the father of her older child. All the adults have their names on the lease.
Enter new "boyfriend" who is apparently proposing, not marriage, but a shack-up.
Am I being unfair to this young man by suspecting he doesn't have a place to live now and wants to get a place with OP, a responsible woman with a full-time job. And not coincidentally, a family and home of her own.
If that's the correct understanding of OP's current living conditions, it begs the question why move?
More questions:
Why don't her parents like the new boyfriend?
Does boyfriend have a job?
Does boyfriend have children of his own?
Does boyfriend have a crazy ex?
Do the OP's children want to leave their grandparents to follow their mother into an unknown and possibly hostile situation?
OP, look long and hard at the consequences of leaving your family group, the trauma created by this move.
Your parents will be upset, your children will be upset, the former boyfriend will be upset. What's the point?
If the new boyfriend is pressuring you to do this, tell him to cool his jets. You can date him without moving in with him.
If he doesn't have an apartment, he needs to get one.
If he doesn't have a job, see above.
If he wants to spend time with you, he needs to be serious, responsible, respectful.
Stay put where you are, step out with him occasionally, enjoy your time with him.
The way most if us here see it there's no reason to rush headlong into the unknown.
It sounds like OP is providing the financial support & her parents are providing rhe care of the children? Plus the children's father is also providing financial support (lease). The use of guardians term needs definition-- is this court ordered or are you saying your parents are guardians when you are not available?
What do you want to do OP--move to another place with boyfriend? Why on earth would you not just visit your boyfriend & leave things as they are? Children are vulnerable & your parents are trying to protect them--- listen to them.
Last edited by historyfan; 01-04-2020 at 10:43 AM..
Reason: additional
Your children are best off living with you and your parents, as long as everyone there is good to the kids. Don't move in with the boyfriend. Date him, spend an occasional night at his place, leaving the kids home with your parents. Don't move in with him. The biggest danger to a child is mom's new boyfriend. They get abused, molested, killed.
It sounds like OP is providing the financial support & her parents are providing rhe care of the children? Plus the children's father is also providing financial support (lease). The use of guardians term needs definition-- is this court ordered or are you saying your parents are guardians when you are not available?
What do you want to do OP--move to another place with boyfriend? Why on earth would you not just visit your boyfriend & leave things as they are? Children are vulnerable & your parents are trying to protect them--- listen to them.
Agree 100%
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