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Old 01-04-2020, 08:18 PM
 
8,014 posts, read 12,085,877 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CatTX View Post
If your middle-aged son/daughter was arrested and sent to prison for solicitation of a child under the age of 12, would you continue to have a relationship with them or would you cut them out of your life?

If you would continue a relationship, would you let them move in with you after prison, even though your home address would be listed on the online sex offender's registry since they live there with you? Would you be willing to fully financially support them for the rest of your life since such a conviction makes it almost impossible to find work?
Every single time there is a murder or even mass murder, in the news story, the parents says 'No way my child could have done that.'

100% of the time. I think that pretty much answers your question in terms of parent mentality no matter what the responses here are...
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Old 01-04-2020, 08:34 PM
 
1,637 posts, read 843,927 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
The only mitigating circumstance I can possibly think of, is if the girl looked 18 and stated she was 18. Not many 12 year olds look 18, but some do. Some are 5'8" tall, and lovely, and it's a curse that they look like women because well-meaning men hit on them.

Other than that, I can't think of a mitigating circumstance that would matter to me.

(I've always thought it's harder to be the mother of a perp than the mother of a victim. When I hear a horrible story of a school shooting, for example, I think as hard as it is for parents who are panicked thinking their child might be a victim, it would be worse to have that awful feeling that maybe your child was the perpetrator).

Cat, are you asking this out of pure idle curiosity, or do you know someone who's having to make that decision?

No, there was no mistaking the age of the child at all. And no, it is not just idle curiosity on my part.
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Old 01-04-2020, 08:50 PM
 
1,637 posts, read 843,927 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
Every single time there is a murder or even mass murder, in the news story, the parents says 'No way my child could have done that.'

100% of the time. I think that pretty much answers your question in terms of parent mentality no matter what the responses here are...
I've noticed that when the perpetrator is a teenager/young person and the parents had no idea that someone living under their roof would be capable of this. If it is someone older, no one really seems to be interested in the parents, probably because the criminal often has a spouse/family the media can torment instead.
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Old 01-04-2020, 08:51 PM
 
12,914 posts, read 5,190,296 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CatTX View Post
No, there was no mistaking the age of the child at all. And no, it is not just idle curiosity on my part.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this, or having to advise other people how to deal with this. Painful.
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Old 01-04-2020, 09:00 PM
 
2,219 posts, read 820,595 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CatTX View Post
If your middle-aged son/daughter was arrested and sent to prison for solicitation of a child under the age of 12, would you continue to have a relationship with them or would you cut them out of your life?

If you would continue a relationship, would you let them move in with you after prison, even though your home address would be listed on the online sex offender's registry since they live there with you? Would you be willing to fully financially support them for the rest of your life since such a conviction makes it almost impossible to find work?

I would continue the relationship but would absolutely not let them move into my home. Sex offender residences are often a target for "retribution" and I would never put myself or my house into that situation.

The financial support question would be moot because I'm retired and have enough to worry about with supporting myself for the rest of my life, LOL. So there's no way I could support anyone else.

Even if I were better off, I would not risk my own financial future because of a crime that someone else committed, even if that someone else was my offspring.
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Old 01-04-2020, 09:17 PM
 
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Honestly? I don't know how I would react. I find the premise of such a crime abhorrent, and the thought of cutting off any of my sons unthinkable.
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Old 01-04-2020, 10:08 PM
 
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Interesting question.

I don't have kids and my older female siblings and older female friends let me know it - lol. When the subject of kids comes up, they tell me that YOU DON"T KNOW and a MOM WILL DO ANYTHING FOR THEIR KIDS!!

I have always wanted to bring up this scenario - child abuse involving a grandchild - what would they do? Who would they choose to belive and support??

Terrible place to be in.
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Old 01-05-2020, 08:25 AM
 
Location: Florida
11,824 posts, read 5,519,920 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
While it would be pretty incomprehensible to imagine either of my adult children doing such a thing, I will answer.

I (probably) would not "cut them out of my life" but I would never allow them to be alone with my grandchildren, great-nieces and great-nephews, neighbor children, etc. And, I would likely limit contact with them to the bare minimum, but they would still be "my child".

Maybe,I would let them live with me temporarily after they got out of prison. More likely I would help them find a half-way house or something similar (if they needed help doing that) and not let them live with me even temporarily.

No, I would NOT support them the rest of my life. But, I would not support any adult child for life (unless they were cognitively disabled) if they made poor life choices.
^^Exactly this^^
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Old 01-05-2020, 12:50 PM
 
1,637 posts, read 843,927 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Interesting question.

I don't have kids and my older female siblings and older female friends let me know it - lol. When the subject of kids comes up, they tell me that YOU DON"T KNOW and a MOM WILL DO ANYTHING FOR THEIR KIDS!!

I have always wanted to bring up this scenario - child abuse involving a grandchild - what would they do? Who would they choose to belive and support??

Terrible place to be in.
Yes, that has to be the worst of these types of situations, when the abuser and abused are both family members. I don't see how anyone could support the abuser under those circumstances.
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Old 01-05-2020, 01:17 PM
 
12,914 posts, read 5,190,296 times
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Reading between the lines here, it sounds like grandma has sided with her middle aged son and not advocated for her granddaughter.

And the granddaughter, and the parents of the granddaughter, are understandably very hurt.

Really difficult situation.
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