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Old 01-05-2020, 12:25 PM
 
3,389 posts, read 2,831,110 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
You said you disagreed with your wife's method, and you said you "think the problem" is Grandma and how SHE handles your daughter. Now you're back-pedaling on that, and we're just trying to keep up.
1. No, I did not say that I disagreed with my wife's method. I said that my wife wanted to try timeout, because she found it physically difficult to restrain her. She wanted me to try timeout, to see if that is something she can do in the future. There is no disagreement here.

2. I simply pointed out that her lack of reaction, might be why she does it her and not me.

I am not having a problem with my child hitting, I did not come here for advice to stop hitting. Toddlers hitting once in a while is normal. It is not a sign of something seriously wrong and will lead a disaster when they are 14.

Quote:
Of course I've made tons of mistakes. I had multiples first, and another baby after that. I'm trying to give you the benefit of my mistakes.
I think you need my advice more. You need to listen more. People do not express themselves perfectly, you need to understand what actually happened before you criticize.

When you criticize people without the full understanding of the situation, you will just get into fights.

Last edited by Camlon; 01-05-2020 at 12:44 PM..
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Old 01-05-2020, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
46,252 posts, read 44,584,895 times
Reputation: 90430
Quote:
Originally Posted by Camlon View Post

1. No, I did not say that I disagreed with my wife's method. Please quote me if you think I said that.
OK

It was all this talk of "my way" vs. your wife's "way" in this post that implied a difference of opinion:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Camlon View Post

I am happy with my way, hold her tight, look her into the eyes and say it is wrong. She definitely do not think that is funny. It was my wife who wanted to use timeout, because she cannot pin her down.I will tell my wife so that she can decide if she wants to do it or not.
I disagree that physically restraining a child as punishment is helpful.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Camlon View Post

I think you need my advice more. You need to listen more. People do not express themselves perfectly, you need to understand what actually happened before you criticize.

When you criticize people without the full understanding of the situation, you will just get into fights.
Hahaha whatever you say. I recognize this ^^ tactic. I don't feel like hitting my head against a brick wall today.
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Old 01-05-2020, 12:40 PM
 
1,620 posts, read 527,017 times
Reputation: 4387
2 years old can definitely be taught not to hit. This isn’t allowed in daycare or preschool.
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Old 01-05-2020, 12:59 PM
 
3,389 posts, read 2,831,110 times
Reputation: 1776
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
OK

It was all this talk of "my way" vs. your wife's "way" in this post that implied a difference of opinion:

Hahaha whatever you say. I recognize this ^^ tactic. I don't feel like hitting my head against a brick wall today.
Read what you are quoting. I said "my wife wanted to try timeout", I did not say "my wife wanted to try her way". I did not even say "my wife wanted me". I also said I was going to inform her of the right way of doing timeout, meaning its something new for her as well. Hence it cannot be her way.

You clearly misunderstood what I said, and I noticed it and told you "you are attacking the wrong person." But instead of trying to figure out why I said that you just doubled down and said I am harming others. Imagine if this was your daughter that you misunderstood, and you said that she harmed others because of her behaviour. How do you think that would affect your relationship?

I am not saying it to be mean or attack you, it is just advice. You need to listen more.

Last edited by Camlon; 01-05-2020 at 01:11 PM..
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Old 01-05-2020, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
46,252 posts, read 44,584,895 times
Reputation: 90430
Quote:
Originally Posted by Camlon View Post

You have a problem, not me.
Then why are you here?
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Old 01-05-2020, 01:13 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
80,986 posts, read 74,080,595 times
Reputation: 80629
Quote:
Originally Posted by Camlon View Post
If she does something wrong, I normally I just hold her stuck on my lap till she apologizes and realizes what she did is wrong. However, my wife think is too difficult to pin her down and wanted to try the chair timeout after she had hit grandma, said it was funny and refused to apologize.

So I put the chair out, placed her in and whenever she tried to move I put her back. She did not exactly get upset, just tried to get away once in a while and eventually apologized. 5 minutes later she came back and hit grandma again, then she dragged out the chair and sat down to be punished. Even when she accidently hit me with her elbow, she dragged out the chair to be punished. We just ended up laughing.

She is a quite nice kid, so it does not matter. But, did I do the timeout chair wrong? How did it work out for you?
OP, I'm not able to compute those two things together. IMO your daughter's behavior is disturbing, not normal, and definitely not indicative of a "nice kid". Does she watch a lot of cartoons, where characters hit each other, and there are laugh tracks? That's the only possible thing I can think of, that could explain this behavior. Otherwise, I'd want to have her evaluated by a professional.
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Old 01-05-2020, 01:14 PM
 
3,389 posts, read 2,831,110 times
Reputation: 1776
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Then why are you here?
I was here for two reasons

1. To share an interesting story.
2. To get some advice on how to do timeout, so that I can do it correctly in the future.
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Old 01-05-2020, 01:22 PM
 
3,389 posts, read 2,831,110 times
Reputation: 1776
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
OP, I'm not able to compute those two things together. IMO your daughter's behavior is disturbing, not normal, and definitely not indicative of a "nice kid". Does she watch a lot of cartoons, where characters hit each other, and there are laugh tracks? That's the only possible thing I can think of, that could explain this behavior. Otherwise, I'd want to have her evaluated by a professional.
No violent cartoons, she likes to watch Peppa Pig.

I think she got it from other kids. For instance yesterday we saw a five year old hit her parents 10 times and that parent ignored it.

She is nice, because she like to help, does not hit other people or kids, do not destroy things, do not push other kids. The only people she has ever hit is us and it happens rarely. Most of the time it will be due to frustration, but this time I think she just wanted a reaction. That is why she did not hit very hard and said afterwards that she did it because it was funny.

Last edited by Camlon; 01-05-2020 at 01:39 PM..
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Old 01-05-2020, 01:34 PM
 
12,864 posts, read 5,162,079 times
Reputation: 31172
The big picture here, Camlon, is she is openly defying you just for the power play.

Children do things they know they're not supposed to for a variety of reasons. They bite other children because they have no other effective way to defend themselves, or the other child has an item they want. They play with forbidden objects/in forbidden places because they are just burning with curiosity. They eat food they're not supposed to because they really want to eat that food, etc.

She has no other agenda than to take the power away from you and show you she's boss. Surely, she's not hitting grandma to defend herself or make a statement that Grandma is harming her.

She's doing it solely because you've told her not to. This isn't a terribly unusual behavior, but you need to win this one.
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Old 01-05-2020, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Canada
9,316 posts, read 8,683,769 times
Reputation: 20367
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarnivalGal View Post
It's only a game if you allow it to be. As I mentioned above, don't even look her in the eye. No expression, no words at all, don't even look at her - just take her and place her back in the spot. If there is no reaction from you at all, there is no game.
This is so true, for the naughty chair, for training a child to stay in bed, etc.

I just googled Supernanny to see if the website was still up, because it had a lot of useful information and tools to manage effective structure and discipline, and came across an article indicating the show is relaunching this year.

https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/lif...on-8-jo-frost/
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