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Old Today, 02:33 AM
 
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If she does something wrong, I normally I just hold her stuck on my lap till she apologizes and realizes what she did is wrong. However, my wife think is too difficult to pin her down and wanted to try the chair timeout after she had hit grandma, said it was funny and refused to apologize.

So I put the chair out, placed her in and whenever she tried to move I put her back. She did not exactly get upset, just tried to get away once in a while and eventually apologized. 5 minutes later she came back and hit grandma again, then she dragged out the chair and sat down to be punished. Even when she accidently hit me with her elbow, she dragged out the chair to be punished. We just ended up laughing.

She is a quite nice kid, so it does not matter. But, did I do the timeout chair wrong? How did it work out for you?
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Old Today, 05:21 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
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Time out at that age should be very short, a minute or so. The idea is to redirect them away from undesirable behavior without having to physically restrain them.

I used to use a pushpin on the wall for time out. They had to stand with their noses touching the pushpin. I set the timer for 30 seconds, but it felt like forever to my kids.
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Old Today, 08:05 AM
 
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have grandma hit her back....
or wash her mouth out with soap …
or make her eat cauliflower.....


explain why hitting grandma is wrong..[mod]delete[/mod

Last edited by Miss Blue; Today at 08:13 PM.. Reason: inappropriate even though it wasfunny as you meant it to be
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Old Today, 08:26 AM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
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Five minutes is too long for a two year old. The usual recommendation for timeouts is a minute per year of age.

I also get the feeling that the timeout chair is in the middle of the action so to speak. She needs to be away from you, but where you can still keep an eye on her.

When my daughter went through a hitting stage I made her sit on the stairs. I could see her, but she was removed from us. I told her what she did wrong, hitting, and why it was wrong, it hurts people. Most importantly I bent down so I was eye level with her and instructed her to look at my face when I was explaining the problem to her. I finished up with a little rhyme, "When you hit, you sit" and then walked her over to the stairs. After the appropriate amount of time was up I reminded her of what she did wrong and why it was wrong and then asked her to apologize.

It sounds like you've made the chair too fun and a means of attracting positive attention. BTW-saying she's a nice kid so it doesn't matter means it won't matter to her either. It should matter or it will be useless and just a game.
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Old Today, 08:48 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah View Post
Five minutes is too long for a two year old. The usual recommendation for timeouts is a minute per year of age.
Just for clarification, the timeout was not five minutes, more like 1 - 2 minutes.

What I meant was that it took a few minutes from the timeout ended till she hit again. The second time was not hard at all, she just wanted to get punished again.

Quote:
I also get the feeling that the timeout chair is in the middle of the action so to speak. She needs to be away from you, but where you can still keep an eye on her.
You are right, I sat in front of her preventing her from leaving.

But if I had stayed away I think it would be even more fun for her. She would just run away, and then it would turn into a catch game.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah View Post
When my daughter went through a hitting stage I made her sit on the stairs. I could see her, but she was removed from us. I told her what she did wrong, hitting, and why it was wrong, it hurts people. Most importantly I bent down so I was eye level with her and instructed her to look at my face when I was explaining the problem to her. I finished up with a little rhyme, "When you hit, you sit" and then walked her over to the stairs. After the appropriate amount of time was up I reminded her of what she did wrong and why it was wrong and then asked her to apologize.

It sounds like you've made the chair too fun and a means of attracting positive attention. BTW-saying she's a nice kid so it doesn't matter means it won't matter to her either. It should matter or it will be useless and just a game.
Actually, I will not say that she is in a hitting stage, she only hit once in a while and never me for some reason. 0.5 to 1 year ago she was much more difficult, she would bite, hit and scratch when she got mad. I would hold her hands and say no. When she got older, I also included an explanation.

Thanks for the advice, useful tips

Last edited by Camlon; Today at 09:23 AM..
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Old Today, 09:24 AM
 
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Time out chairs actually work amazingly well if used properly. She is getting attention every time she misbehaves. Sitting her on your lap is doing nothing more than giving her your undivided attention when she misbehaves. That's exactly what she's looking for. So that is probably making it worse.

Put her in a chair or place (step, whatever) that isn't near anyone or thing. When she does something, give her one warning. If she does it again, DO NOT SAY A WORD OR EVEN LOOK HER IN THE EYE. Just take her, place her in the spot and walk away. She may scream, she may get right back up. If she screams, ignore her. If she gets up, just take her an put her back - without talking to her or even looking at her. Do this until she sits for 2 minutes, one minute for each year of age. Every time she gets up, the clock starts again. When the time is up, get down on her level, look her in the eye, and say, "You had to go to time out because you...You may not do...because it..." Then give her a hug and tell you love her and she may go play.

It may be hell the first few times. It may take an hour to get her to sit for 2 minutes. But once she realizes you are not going to cave, time outs will go much more smoothly and become less frequent. The key is to NOT GIVE HER THE ATTENTION SHE IS SEEKING. The real punishment isn't sitting, it's the lack of attention.

And because I know someone is going to tell me I don't know anything - I raised 2 kids, taught preschool for 8 years, and got my Child Development degree from Texas State University.
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Old Today, 09:26 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Camlon View Post
But if I had stayed away I think it would be even more fun for her. She would just run away, and then it would turn into a catch game.
It's only a game if you allow it to be. As I mentioned above, don't even look her in the eye. No expression, no words at all, don't even look at her - just take her and place her back in the spot. If there is no reaction from you at all, there is no game.
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Old Today, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,036 posts, read 18,451,779 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CarnivalGal View Post
It's only a game if you allow it to be. As I mentioned above, don't even look her in the eye. No expression, no words at all, don't even look at her - just take her and place her back in the spot. If there is no reaction from you at all, there is no game.
I agree. And, laughing at her antics is the absolute worse thing to do.
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Old Today, 09:51 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CarnivalGal View Post
It's only a game if you allow it to be. As I mentioned above, don't even look her in the eye. No expression, no words at all, don't even look at her - just take her and place her back in the spot. If there is no reaction from you at all, there is no game.
I bet that would work well, but I would feel awful turning a happy child into a crying mess by depriving her of attention for two minutes. At least it must be for something very serious.

I am happy with my way, hold her tight, look her into the eyes and say it is wrong. She definitely do not think that is funny. It was my wife who wanted to use timeout, because she cannot pin her down.I will tell my wife so that she can decide if she wants to do it or not.
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Old Today, 10:04 AM
 
Location: Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Camlon View Post
Just for clarification, the timeout was not five minutes, more like 1 - 2 minutes.

What I meant was that it took a few minutes from the timeout ended till she hit again. The second time was not hard at all, she just wanted to get punished again.



You are right, I sat in front of her preventing her from leaving.

But if I had stayed away I think it would be even more fun for her. She would just run away, and then it would turn into a catch game.



Actually, I will not say that she is in a hitting stage, she only hit once in a while and never me for some reason. 0.5 to 1 year ago she was much more difficult, she would bite, hit and scratch when she got mad. I would hold her hands and say no. When she got older, I also included an explanation.

Thanks for the advice, useful tips
This is all new to her and for now, is fun. Give it time and it won't be so fun or funny any more.

If you have to sit in front of her to make sure she stays there, put her chair into a corner away from seeing you or any of the goings-on in the house. Even the corner of cupboards in the kitchen if you don't have any other free corners.
That way, if she gets up, you can block her, and facing the wall is very boring.

Counting to three is also effective if it's an incident such as refusing to do (fill in the blanks) or doing (fill in the blanks) when you've asked her to stop.

Good luck!
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