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My husband and I took our 21 month old dtr out of the daycare she has been in since she was 12 weeks old due to an injury she sustained while there. The move was very sudden and unexpected as we felt her safety was in jeopardy. Luckily within two days we got her into a new (and higher rated) center that we are very happy with. However, since the change she has started acting out much more aggressively at home. The new daycare says she is adjusting well and have no behavior complaints- it seems she is just acting out at home. Her behavior seems to escalate from happy and playful to mean, aggressive and inconsolable within seconds. The techniques we use to calm her down during a temper tantrum or when she is upset seem to be ineffective now- nothing seems to help calm her. I know its common that kids behaviors will change with a sudden change in routine- and this was a BIG change. I'm curious if this has happen to anyone before and what strategies others have used to help with these behaviors. Is it too dramatic to suggest some type of counseling for such a young kid?
My grandchild who is a few months younger than your toddler has exhibited the same behavior pattern ever since starting daycare several months ago. She is "angel child" at daycare but turns into "demon child" almost as soon as she gets home.
Is your toddler an only child, as my grandchild is? It may be that the transition from being in a larger group of kids and people, with much going on around her to capture her attention while in daycare, to a quiet environment when there is only the child plus either one or two parents, is what she is having trouble adjusting to. Before daycare, she was essentially 24/7 with my DIL since birth. They were expecting her to throw fits/act out at daycare and be fine at home, but it turned out to be the exact opposite.
Its a phase. Some of this is learned behavior from their peers acting out at daycare. Of course they are FAR too young for therapy, other than OT for non-neurotypical situations like learning disabilities.
Is this your first child?
We had the "benefit" of our first children being twins, so we quickly learned that they progress through these phases at lightning-speed at that age. One would go through the tantrum phase while the other was an angel. Then the second one would start in the tantrum phase while their sibling started into the running-away phase, and so on.
We were also in a situaion where preschool/day care was optional. We did not start them in a group environment with other children until they were 3. The river of bad habits they picked up from their peers at that time was both broad and wide.
The key, in all situations is parental consistency. Consistency between both parents, and consistency of response to unwanted behavior, every. single. time. Preschool/day care gives you a lot to deprogram every day.
One thing that helped us was aping the preschools language of discipline. Talk to your child's caretakers and find out what disciplinary measures they institute. Learn the language of the day care and then implement it at home. (Raising your hand to talk. Using certain words to get the child to lower their voice/stop an unwanted behavior/ praise them for good work / etc.) This sort of consistency will help the child understand where the home boundaries are, and minimize the daily disruption of transition from caretaker to parents.
I'd guess it's the change that impacting her. She's in a brand new environment with all new teachers & kids. Even if she's getting her typical nap each day, the stimulus of the new environment is likely making her more tired than usual. Then, once she's at home with you & her home environment, she can just let go - more than she needed to before.
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This isn't just a change in routine - this is a change in primary caregivers, which although apparently there were safety issues, she was likely very bonded to.
The fatigue theory is a solid one. Kids also act out in the place where they feel safe, and she hasn't yet had the opportunity to develop a feeling of safety and comfort at the new day care. But she does feel safe at home with you, so that's a good thing!
Behavior is almost always communication - hunger, pain, frustration, unmet emotional needs, etc... She's probably telling you that she's overwhelmed and unsure of her new routine. It could be that something is wrong at day care, but I don't think you need to jump to that conclusion if she's only just transitioned there. Show her lots of love and comfort when she's distressed. Talk about day care in happy, excited tones; tell her how fun and exciting her new teachers and peers are. She'll probably settle in within a few weeks and it will go away.
There is also the possibility that she hit a more challenging developmental stage just as the day care change was happening and there's actually little correlation. If so, it will pass!
Counseling with young kids is about working with the parents. If you think that would be helpful, approach it with the therapist from the angle of wanting strategies for helping her work through distress. They aren't going to do one-on-one sessions with a baby.
My husband and I took our 21 month old dtr out of the daycare she has been in since she was 12 weeks old due to an injury she sustained while there. The move was very sudden and unexpected as we felt her safety was in jeopardy. Luckily within two days we got her into a new (and higher rated) center that we are very happy with. However, since the change she has started acting out much more aggressively at home. The new daycare says she is adjusting well and have no behavior complaints- it seems she is just acting out at home. Her behavior seems to escalate from happy and playful to mean, aggressive and inconsolable within seconds. The techniques we use to calm her down during a temper tantrum or when she is upset seem to be ineffective now- nothing seems to help calm her. I know its common that kids behaviors will change with a sudden change in routine- and this was a BIG change. I'm curious if this has happen to anyone before and what strategies others have used to help with these behaviors. Is it too dramatic to suggest some type of counseling for such a young kid?
Yes, 21 months old is too young for counseling. Have you tried spanking?
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