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Old Today, 10:51 AM
 
2,235 posts, read 2,653,802 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
It will change.

There will be times when she prefers mom and time when she prefers dad.

You will always be her daddy and nothing will ever change that.
Alright. I know things will change, it’s just so heartbreaking that she doesn’t want to go home with me on the week I have her.
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Old Today, 11:01 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaredC View Post
Alright. I know things will change, it’s just so heartbreaking that she doesn’t want to go home with me on the week I have her.
Because you are feeling rejected. But she isn't rejecting you. She's a little girl who enjoys playing with her cousins, being with grandma, and possibly getting a chance to visit with mommy. That's normal. You shouldn't be heartbroken because your daughter is behaving normally. And you need to understand that your reaction is stressful to her, which makes her want to stay at grandma's even more. She doesn't want to hurt daddy's feelings, she's not trying to hurt daddy, she just wants what little girls want.
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Old Today, 11:23 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DC at the Ridge View Post
Because you are feeling rejected. But she isn't rejecting you. She's a little girl who enjoys playing with her cousins, being with grandma, and possibly getting a chance to visit with mommy. That's normal. You shouldn't be heartbroken because your daughter is behaving normally. And you need to understand that your reaction is stressful to her, which makes her want to stay at grandma's even more. She doesn't want to hurt daddy's feelings, she's not trying to hurt daddy, she just wants what little girls want.
I know and understand this. I’m going to try what another poster suggested, which is to offer unique activities on the days I do drop her off.
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Old Today, 11:32 AM
 
Location: planet earth
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Your little girl is just more comfortable at grandma's right now with her cousins . . . it's not about rejecting you . . . I would leave her where she is most comfortable. Her welfare should be more important than your hurt ego (even though I understand you are hurt).

It would probably traumatize her more to change things right now, so if you're a grownup and really care about your daughter more than anything . . . leave things as is and don't rush to get there so you can beat all of the fun she could have had. Let her enjoy what she can of her childhood.
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Old Today, 11:44 AM
 
2,235 posts, read 2,653,802 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Your little girl is just more comfortable at grandma's right now with her cousins . . . it's not about rejecting you . . . I would leave her where she is most comfortable. Her welfare should be more important than your hurt ego (even though I understand you are hurt).

It would probably traumatize her more to change things right now, so if you're a grownup and really care about your daughter more than anything . . . leave things as is and don't rush to get there so you can beat all of the fun she could have had. Let her enjoy what she can of her childhood.
So...isn’t That tantamount to giving up custody of my daughter? This is bizarre advice. I can just see my ex going after full custody soon after, claiming I don’t want anything to do with her. My ex and I agreed on split 50/50.
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Old Today, 11:47 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
46,359 posts, read 44,684,857 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaredC View Post
So...isn’t That tantamount to giving up custody of my daughter? This is bizarre advice. I can just see my ex going after full custody soon after, claiming I don’t want anything to do with her. My ex and I agreed on split 50/50.
No, no no keep doing what you're doing while adding the extra activity together at pick-up.

I wouldn't make a habit of taking her shopping for an item each time (if ever, other than special occasions) because you could create a monster that way.

The park, the zoo, a cool walking trail, a trip downtown, etc whatever are all fun activities to SHARE with her. Time is the most important thing.

I totally understand that rejection feeling, but you have to work hard not to take it personally. This is a phase, and this will change. You will always be her dad, and consistency with your time is the best way to maintain that.
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Old Today, 11:53 AM
 
Location: planet earth
6,169 posts, read 2,410,694 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaredC View Post
So...isn’t That tantamount to giving up custody of my daughter? This is bizarre advice. I can just see my ex going after full custody soon after, claiming I don’t want anything to do with her. My ex and I agreed on split 50/50.
No . . . it's just having a more flexible, leisurely, unfrantic response to her enjoying herself at grandmas.

Maybe you could hang out there too, I don't know.
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Old Today, 11:57 AM
 
1,213 posts, read 841,101 times
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This totally reminds me of the tale of King Soloman suggesting that a baby be cut in half so each person can have an equal share. Ideally, both you and your ex should do what is best for your kid, which is to include the other parent in their life as much as possible, no matter how much you hate each other's guts.

If your ex is a selfish ****heel who wants to cut you out of her daughter's life for spite, don't wreck your kid's life further by emulating her bad behavior. All I read in your posts so far is "me me me." Yeah, maybe it's in response to your ex being awful, but the end result of divorced parents both fighting for their own rights and both disregarding what is best for the child is a ****ed-up child/hood.

Put your daughter's needs first, even if your ex doesn't. I'm sorry you are in this situation. It is rough. But I've got more sympathy for the hapless 4-year-old caught in the middle of the mess her parents have made than I have for the grown-ass man.
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Old Today, 12:03 PM
 
1,304 posts, read 1,787,810 times
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I remember the divorced parents of one of sons friends and they actually had the child stay in one household and the parents shift. I thought this was an incredible gift to the child. After 2-3 years they ended up with 2 households but bought on the same street.
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Old Today, 12:27 PM
 
Location: Kaliforneea
1,371 posts, read 1,024,258 times
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My advice will not be as sweet and kind.



4 is a tender delicate age, but I ask you objectively - how much does a 4 year old call the shots? You are your childs father, you must step up, even twice as hard now to show that you are 50% of her life no matter the circumstances. If you fear she's not getting enough 'fun times' you must provide the fun times. If she's not getting enough 'continuity and routine' you must provide that. Give yourself a goal, like teaching her the alphabet, and the names of colors, etc even before the 1st day of kindergarden.



There's also a rude lessson for you to learn. If you allow yourself to be the passive parent and the mother's clan to be the primary and default caretaker, you gonna get raked over the coals when it comes time for the family court judge to calculate your child support AND the amount of time allocated (SOME ex'es do terrible things like only begrudingly allow what the judge says). You must bring your child to school. You must buy clothes, you must provide meals. You must have child sleep at your house that is ALSO her home. You must meet & know her teachers. Otherwise, mother is providing 80% of care and your only role will be to send the check and see child every other weekend. That's for you to decide if you are 'sunday only father' or you gonna be Level 9000 dad.
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