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Old 01-15-2020, 05:13 PM
 
2,237 posts, read 2,660,676 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Great post.

My niece and her husband started "family nights" every week when their sons were preschoolers. The sons are now young teenagers and still look forward to "family game night" and "family movie night", etc.

Your family (you and your daughter) could do something special like that, too, craft activities, making & decorating cookies, playing catch together, going to the library, playing in the park, are all fun, special activities that are free or low cost.

I would also encourage spending more time with your side of the family. If you and your daughter can't see them very often try Skyping or Facetiming once a week to keep up the relationship. When my grandchildren were young (three and four) I often read books to them or sang songs or did fingerplays together over Skype. They live 2,000 miles away and I only saw them once (maybe twice) a year at that time, but Skyping still keep our bonds strong.
Great ideas! I actually work at a library and we have a ton of activities to offer! Also, my parents live about an hour away and they see her two or three times a month plus FaceTime in between.
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Old 01-15-2020, 05:15 PM
 
2,237 posts, read 2,660,676 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
I'd like to make a suggestion...


It might be a good idea to check out a book or two on early childhood development. Just so that you have some insights on why your child does what she does, and that what she does is typical for someone her age.


You daughter will drive you bonkers sometimes. LOL To be forewarned, is to be forearmed. lol
Oh I know. I’m used to it. Actually, I find it easier to handle her without her mother here. I’m more of the disciplinarian and she was more the nurturing type. So when my daughter is with me, she’s pretty good about listening.
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Old 01-15-2020, 05:16 PM
 
2,237 posts, read 2,660,676 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zalewskimm View Post
Sorry about your situation.

Always think of your kids first. I've been where you are. Give her space, she will come back to you. It may take a few months or years. Don't give up. Be respectful and kind to her mom. And to your daughter. Keep working hard and being loving to her. She will see this and come back to you. I guarantee it. Good luck.
Thank you for the kind words!
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Old 01-15-2020, 06:24 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Middlin View Post
I remember the divorced parents of one of sons friends and they actually had the child stay in one household and the parents shift. I thought this was an incredible gift to the child. After 2-3 years they ended up with 2 households but bought on the same street.
This is called "bird nesting", and it is the best possible arrangement for the children IF the parents can make it work. Most parents cannot - if they could, they would have stayed married!
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Old 01-15-2020, 06:25 PM
 
Location: Wilmington NC
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WHen my ex dropped the girls off at my house after his weekends, they threw horrible tantrums. When we met at a gas station in between, the tantrums vanished.

can you ask your exlaws to bring your daughter to a neutral location when it is time to pick her up?
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Old 01-15-2020, 06:27 PM
 
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If the schedule cannot be changed, and you have to make this one work, then I agree, you have to have a fun activity to do with her right away at pickup time. Let her know about it when you drop her off in the morning. Things like going to special play places (playgrounds, children's museum, library, whatever), maybe out for an inexpensive meal, maybe ice cream. A membership to local children's or science museum is a good idea, also season passes to local amusement park.
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Old 01-15-2020, 07:14 PM
 
2,237 posts, read 2,660,676 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
WHen my ex dropped the girls off at my house after his weekends, they threw horrible tantrums. When we met at a gas station in between, the tantrums vanished.

can you ask your exlaws to bring your daughter to a neutral location when it is time to pick her up?
Hmm. That’s something I was considering too! Maybe this is another great solution.
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Old 01-15-2020, 07:16 PM
 
2,237 posts, read 2,660,676 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
If the schedule cannot be changed, and you have to make this one work, then I agree, you have to have a fun activity to do with her right away at pickup time. Let her know about it when you drop her off in the morning. Things like going to special play places (playgrounds, children's museum, library, whatever), maybe out for an inexpensive meal, maybe ice cream. A membership to local children's or science museum is a good idea, also season passes to local amusement park.
Ok. That’s good ideas.
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Old 01-16-2020, 10:07 AM
 
4,480 posts, read 4,079,874 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
WHen my ex dropped the girls off at my house after his weekends, they threw horrible tantrums. When we met at a gas station in between, the tantrums vanished.

can you ask your exlaws to bring your daughter to a neutral location when it is time to pick her up?
This is a great idea, but since ex-laws are babysitting the other grandkids, might be tough for them. But if there are two of them, certainly one could bring her. I suggest you be very warm and cooperative with the ex-laws. After all, they're taking care of her every day, and surely only want the best for her. If they understand that that is what you want, too, they're likely to cooperate with you and help you to maintain a close, loving relationship with your daughter, their granddaughter.
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Old 01-16-2020, 10:32 AM
 
Location: NJ
678 posts, read 224,245 times
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Me and my husband are a blended family. Im divorced as is my husband and there are children on both sides. I think, based on experience and what youve said, that she feels less secure in her mother's affection than yours. Her mother was busy and working all the time. And you were always there and always present. Now that youre not together, she KNOWS youll always be there. Youre her dad, youve always supported her. Her mother has been less present and more focused on work. And now she wants to try and get attention from her mom whenever she can, especially if she is living with her grandparents she probably gets even less time with her mom. I agree with the above, continue to show her that you arent going anywhere and that your love is unconditional but also remain firm that this is the situation we are dealing with and she will adapt. Children need consistantcy and she is not an exception especially since eveyrthing else has changed. Continue to be there every day on time, smiling and ready for spending time together. She will get used to the new routine.

Also if moving means that you are no longer in her school district it will make schooling extremely difficult. Once she starts school you can probably mostly eliminate gma as babysitter since most schools have an aftercare program. On your weeks she can go to aftercare and wont go to grandmas at all and the upside is they help with homework and such so when you do pick her up you can focus on fun.
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