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Old 01-17-2020, 07:54 AM
3,502 posts, read 3,406,489 times
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My daughter is the same age as your daughter. My daughter had the talk at school the last day or so of 4th grade. My daughter ended up starting her period in the last couple of months, which was a complete surprise to me (I was not expecting it so soon). She was able to get a feminine product from a classmate and once she got home she texted me. We had a long talk and we went and bought products together. She also happily shared her news with her dad when he arrived home from work. A face I won't soon forget.

If your wife won't do it for whatever reason then you can as you are her parent as well. I got my daughter a first period kit from a company to mark the occasion. I got a basket and put it in her bathroom and it has all her supplies needed.
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Old 01-17-2020, 10:38 AM
Location: Round Rock, Texas
11,207 posts, read 10,763,390 times
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As a parent of two girls, I can tell you that it's not easy at all to have "that talk". Some kids are amenable to it (like my 8 year old). Others are painfully uncomfortable (like my 13 year old) with the subject of puberty, periods, sexual activity, etc. My daughter was actually very stressed out when she watched the "developing body" video at her school. There's nothing wrong with her either, that's just how she is and one has to take things delicately with her. She'll shut you down.

My 8 year old already has breast buds and the start of pubic hair.

My 13 year old developed early as well but didn't actually get a period before 12, so y'all may have some time. Your wife may be lashing out at you because she feels ashamed of her own inaction. There's a lot of pressure on her, especially with the gender roles that society imparts (ie girls should learn about menstruation from their moms, etc.)
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Old 01-17-2020, 03:23 PM
1,165 posts, read 1,209,400 times
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I had it at my school.

1. I thought I was dying
2. All kids saw it
3. I still feel embarrassed about it
4. i think everyone remembers "that girl" still, after decades.
5. I feel mortified till date whenever i think of that episode.

Someone must do the talk. Since mom isnt, please do it yourself.
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Old 01-17-2020, 04:16 PM
1,793 posts, read 1,584,254 times
Reputation: 5115
You can do it dad!

I was going to add that in addition to talking to my daughter I gave her supplies to keep in her back pack with permission to share liberally with her friends who may need them. I couldn't assume they all knew what was coming and it was the least I could do to make sure my girl could help them out. I am pretty sure those came in handy a time or two, so it's an idea to consider.
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Old 01-17-2020, 05:27 PM
Status: "Happy New Year!" (set 17 days ago)
Location: Foot of the Rockies
88,686 posts, read 105,067,929 times
Reputation: 34179
eschaton, your wife obviously knows what's happening, so that's not the issue. You might try to find out what the school is doing/planning to do. Most schools give such a talk/program to both girls and boys in 4th/5th grade. My daughters developed late, so they got the school lesson first. I asked them if they had questions, and like rialese's kids, the oldest just said "no" and the youngest had a bit of commentary and a few questions. As others have pointed out, there are all sorts of teaching tools available.
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Old 01-17-2020, 05:59 PM
342 posts, read 169,572 times
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If your girl likes to read, give her the book "The Care and Keeping of you" 2 since she'll start her period soon. I started my kid on the version 1 at 8, and version 2 at 10. She's very attached to me so she's known about women's stuffs (period) since she's 2. She still prefers to those 2 books when she has questions about her body. I'm always open to talk to her about any questions she has, and help her with any issues she encounters (show her the correct way to use her feminine products, how to keep track of when her mense comes, how to keep her skin/hair cleaned). Make sure to give her a multivitamins with iron, and calcium if she doesn't consume enough from foods. Make sure she has enough sleep (10 at least). Remind her to drink lots of water and use sunblock. A healthy teenager is a happy one.
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Old Yesterday, 04:14 PM
Location: Texas
4,191 posts, read 3,569,829 times
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Originally Posted by Nut4sweets View Post
If your girl likes to read, give her the book "The Care and Keeping of you" 2 since she'll start her period soon. I started my kid on the version 1 at 8, and version 2 at 10.
I agree and did the same for my oldest daughter as well (and at around the exact same age). "The Care and Keeping of You 2" is more focused on what OP's daughter needs if she's soon going to be starting her period.
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Old Today, 12:57 AM
2,445 posts, read 1,588,647 times
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Originally Posted by TXRunner View Post

I did use the sex ed video below years ago. It is in Norwegian, but I really liked it. ... It's very direct, but really informative. It doesn't beat around the bush.
Maybe it's the late hour, but the above made me giggle! Clever word choice in that last sentence.

I learned nothing from my mom, and I learned a whole lot from the book she left on the bookshelf and the book, "Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret." Thanks, Judy Blume!

I did also learn a little (although it was very clinical and confusing) from the sex ed class we had in 5th grade.

I agree that the American Girl Books are fantastic- my daughter referred to them quite a bit in her early tweens (I think just the first one was out then, though). She also knew she could ask questions of me. If you have a nice, open relationship with your daughter, you should talk to her and open the lines of communication around this topic. She may or may not take it up with you. I think that when parents (of either sex) are seen as open, nonjudgmental, and comfortable (you may have to fake that part) with various topics, kids will ask questions. My boys asked quite a few questions about sex and male development at that age of me rather than dad because I was perceived as more open to it.

As others have said, you never know when that first period is coming. My daughter also started developing a bit on the early side (way earlier than I did, from my recollection) and by 9 had very obvious breast buds. But she didn't get her period until around age 12 (which was around the age I first got mine).

If your daughter ran to her mom when she did get her period, would mom answers questions and help then?
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Old Today, 06:33 AM
385 posts, read 289,132 times
Reputation: 1309
OP Please take care of this yourself since your wife won't. I had a similar situation when I was younger where my mother "threw" a book on my bed the morning of the "movie" the school was going to show the girls. This experience was horrible! As you can see I still remember this in my retirement years.

Your daughter deserves better.
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Old Today, 09:57 PM
Location: Orig. Maryland. CA/TX.
690 posts, read 141,750 times
Reputation: 1257
Off topic kind of haha this reminds me of the king of the hill episode where Connie gets her first period when she is staying at the Hills and Hank has to buy her pads...

Anyway well, Yes you might have to end up being the one to talk to your daughter... maybe have another female family member to talk to your daughter??
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