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Old 01-16-2020, 01:31 PM
 
5,034 posts, read 2,160,697 times
Reputation: 9949

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShanIAmVA View Post
How is it that she is even still employed with such terrible anxiety? Isn't it amazing that for someone who needs help with a child can seem to hold down a full time job?

I hope there are no plans for Child #3.

Your daughter will eventually come around.....(when she needs something). I hope you and your wife can recharge your batteries with a trip North, South, East or West. Wherever you go, make it only about the two of you.

Good luck.
Is her husband helping out a lot? I have a friend who gets anxiety, BUT it is because her husband is gone much of the time and then when he is home, he goes off with friends for some festival or to get beers instead of pitching in with the kids. It is no wonder. Having kids is a two-person operation and the son-in-law needs to contribute more if he isn’t already. It isn’t up to the grandparents to take over for him. Maybe the daughter needs to come up with a better way to split duties if they haven’t done so already.
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Old 01-16-2020, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
9,328 posts, read 5,774,694 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShanIAmVA View Post
How is it that she is even still employed with such terrible anxiety? Isn't it amazing that for someone who needs help with a child can seem to hold down a full time job?
It's not just amazing, it's awfully hard to believe.

I think there's some Oscar-worthy acting going on whenever daughter wants something from her parents. Does she suffer from anxiety? Probably, to some degree. Does she uses that to manipulate people? Absolutely.
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Old 01-16-2020, 02:35 PM
 
5,171 posts, read 4,425,407 times
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Where is your wife on this? Did she ask you to speak on her/your household's behalf?

It seems weird you did not sit down as a group and discuss the childcare situation & what changes could be made to benefit everyone.
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Old 01-16-2020, 05:46 PM
 
19 posts, read 3,600 times
Reputation: 75
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aredhel View Post
Why do anything? Why not just let things stay as they are? Your daughter will figure out sooner or later than an apology is not coming. That's up to her to deal with. Focus on supporting your wife.

This. And practice saying "your problems are not my problems".
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Old 01-16-2020, 06:28 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,114 posts, read 18,577,491 times
Reputation: 45101
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShanIAmVA View Post
How is it that she is even still employed with such terrible anxiety?

Isn't it amazing that for someone who needs help with a child can seem to hold down a full time job?
snip.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
It's not just amazing, it's awfully hard to believe.

I think there's some Oscar-worthy acting going on whenever daughter wants something from her parents. Does she suffer from anxiety? Probably, to some degree. Does she uses that to manipulate people? Absolutely.
I was thinking the same thing.
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Old 01-17-2020, 05:26 AM
 
7,180 posts, read 3,403,074 times
Reputation: 18867
Op? ya coming back anytime soon? I'd love to ask some questions and perhaps get a better grasp of this challenge.
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Old 01-17-2020, 08:45 AM
 
5,428 posts, read 5,571,182 times
Reputation: 12710
150k isn't that much money in some areas but it is enough. It's not that she can't afford childcare, it's that she doesn't want to, and would prefer to use you guys...for free. Most everyone struggles financially with kids, especially young kids.

The anxiety fuels the issues obviously. And like others said, we don't know your wife's stance.

I'm sure you go back and forth between compassion and feeling taken advantage of. I have no more advice other than to be aware and set boundaries.

Best of luck.
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Old 01-17-2020, 11:24 AM
 
1,641 posts, read 523,949 times
Reputation: 3757
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I was thinking the same thing.
My bipolar sister-in-law worked at a company where employees had lifetime (until age 62) contracts.

On day, she "saw" vomit in her office and called security. She never understood now security did not see the vomit. She had hallucinations, but she had a lifetime contract.

I am sure the Americans with Disabilities Act prevents many ill people from being fired.
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Old 01-22-2020, 10:57 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
60,065 posts, read 57,507,521 times
Reputation: 71670
Look up your local NAMI chapter and find a family support group.
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Old 01-26-2020, 04:40 AM
 
126 posts, read 41,453 times
Reputation: 269
I would not say anything because you might ruin the relationship. My kids know that Im brutally honest Dad. After they left the house for marriage the dynamic changed because of the spouse(He or she does not know me like my kids)

I think these young adults have realized parenting and marriage is not so easy after all.
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