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Old 01-25-2020, 04:12 PM
 
2,265 posts, read 2,673,103 times
Reputation: 1851

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Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
You must have been raised upper middle class. A 4 year old will be fine even if they don't have their own room. It's temporary. When I was growing up, no one had their own room.

If you are so concerned, try to get custody. That's a decision for the courts and not your ex wife. To say that your ex won't grant you custody is may be an excuse you tell yourself to make up for the fact that you may not really want custody. It's easier to complain than it is to be a full time parent.
You make a lot of assumptions to things you don’t know. It’s funny how the internet turns rational people into know it all wannabe lawyers. Are you aware of how damn difficult it would be to get full custody? Also, I grew up dirt poor. But, I had my own space and privacy.
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Old 01-25-2020, 04:59 PM
 
11,714 posts, read 9,162,241 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaredC View Post
You make a lot of assumptions to things you don’t know. It’s funny how the internet turns rational people into know it all wannabe lawyers. Are you aware of how damn difficult it would be to get full custody? Also, I grew up dirt poor. But, I had my own space and privacy.
Your dirt poor and my dirt poor were totally different. Any family with more than one child usually had the children sharing rooms. Poor people could only afford so much space. In any case, I still don't understand your outrage over what you said is a temporary situation. Six months on a sofa in a family home is not the end of the world. She's safe, warm, fed, and clothed. That's more than many children have in this world.
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Old 01-25-2020, 05:09 PM
 
2,265 posts, read 2,673,103 times
Reputation: 1851
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
Your dirt poor and my dirt poor were totally different. Any family with more than one child usually had the children sharing rooms. Poor people could only afford so much space. In any case, I still don't understand your outrage over what you said is a temporary situation. Six months on a sofa in a family home is not the end of the world. She's safe, warm, fed, and clothed. That's more than many children have in this world.
I grew up in a smaller household. Just because one is poor doesn’t always mean they grow up with 5 siblings in a two bedroom slum. I shared a room with my brother, but I didn’t have people constantly walking through my bedroom at all hours of the day making noise.
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Old 01-25-2020, 05:11 PM
 
13,060 posts, read 7,259,933 times
Reputation: 14505
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
Your dirt poor and my dirt poor were totally different. Any family with more than one child usually had the children sharing rooms. Poor people could only afford so much space. In any case, I still don't understand your outrage over what you said is a temporary situation. Six months on a sofa in a family home is not the end of the world. She's safe, warm, fed, and clothed. That's more than many children have in this world.
I don't know if acceptable living standards are just being lowered lately (I suspect so, along with the decline) but that just doesn't sound like a good set up for a child. It sounds like how homeless people and hippies couch surf. A sleeping room for a child should have a door, fine if it is shared with a parent or other children.
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Old 01-25-2020, 05:36 PM
 
11,714 posts, read 9,162,241 times
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Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
I don't know if acceptable living standards are just being lowered lately (I suspect so, along with the decline) but that just doesn't sound like a good set up for a child. It sounds like how homeless people and hippies couch surf. A sleeping room for a child should have a door, fine if it is shared with a parent or other children.
It's only for a few months if we can believe the mother. A child will be fine.

The world doesn't operate based on "should." It operates on the way things are in reality today.
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Old 01-25-2020, 05:49 PM
 
13,060 posts, read 7,259,933 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
It's only for a few months if we can believe the mother. A child will be fine.

The world doesn't operate based on "should." It operates on the way things are in reality today.
If mom can afford an apartment now, and it seems she can, then this is a choice. No one knows for certain how long it will be, and three months is still a long time for two people to live on a sofa in a crowded home.

I suspect anyone fostering kids even for short periods of time would need a bedroom for them, so there are some basic standards.

Yes but parents are allowed to put their kids in all kinds of negative situations, even if there are alternative choices that are better for the child.
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Old 01-25-2020, 06:15 PM
 
11,714 posts, read 9,162,241 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
If mom can afford an apartment now, and it seems she can, then this is a choice. No one knows for certain how long it will be, and three months is still a long time for two people to live on a sofa in a crowded home.

I suspect anyone fostering kids even for short periods of time would need a bedroom for them, so there are some basic standards.

Yes but parents are allowed to put their kids in all kinds of negative situations, even if there are alternative choices that are better for the child.
Did the OP say the mother could afford an apartment? She's couch surfing for fun?

Fostering is different and you know that.
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Old 01-25-2020, 07:00 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,109 posts, read 18,572,312 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaredC View Post
I had my daughter last week and I found out that her and my ex, both sleep on the couch in the living room of her parents home. This concerns me as there are already 7 other people living in the household as it is (Mom, dad, two sisters, sisters boyfriend, one brother and another granddaughter). The house is a five bedroom house.
In my area, there is a city occupancy rule that says that you are allowed two people per bedroom plus one extra (or eleven people in a five bedroom house).

In a five bedroom house I am surprised that they can't make arrangements to fit nine people in five bedrooms. Mom & Dad in one room, Sister and Boyfriend in another, and three more bedrooms for three adults and two young children.
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Old 01-25-2020, 07:01 PM
 
Location: Florida
5,999 posts, read 3,946,267 times
Reputation: 11202
I'm still really not seeing the issue. This is a small child. No four year old needs privacy... they need a lot more supervision than they need privacy. If she was 9 or 12 or 15, I'd be concerned. Four? I can just about guarantee that she does not care and is not being harmed in any way by this arrangement.

As far as going for full custody, do you really think this is something that should cause the mom to lose custody of the child? Why? She has all of her needs being met: food, clothing, shelter, a place to sleep, supervision, love. There is no issue here.

What if she had her own room but still chose to sleep with mom on the sofa? Both of my kids co-slept and if I slept in the living room, that's where they would have chosen to be, too. Little mammals like to sleep with their parents. Who cares if people walk through the room? As long as the people are not threats to her safety and wellbeing, there is no problem.
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Old 01-25-2020, 08:02 PM
 
1,242 posts, read 327,303 times
Reputation: 1841
A 4 year old needs privacy/their own bedroom?! Not really.
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