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Old 01-26-2020, 08:46 PM
 
492 posts, read 156,033 times
Reputation: 622

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaredC View Post
Well, just about every adult has their own room, with the exception of the sister and her boyfriend. Yes, even the mother and father sleep in separate bedrooms.
That is awesome - great to see the grandparents have their priorities in order


What a great popcorn thread


How about you throw some of the sex equality into the mix ? I'm pretty sure this situation wouldn't fly if roles reversed.


Get a lawyer. Document everything. Now.


Are you 100% sure nobody in the house is violent ? Cultures differ...
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Old 01-27-2020, 03:43 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
14,437 posts, read 20,012,022 times
Reputation: 25945
Quote:
Originally Posted by drandolph74 View Post
I am not sure of the circumstances regarding the split of you and your ex, or the family dynamics.
I would say that Yes, while your 4 year old does not have privacy? She is surrounded by family and people that care for her well being. I would add that your ex is lucky to have a support system no matter what it may look like from your perspective.

She ( Your ) ex could be residing in a hotel surrounded by a not so savory crowd. Your ex could have hastily attached herself to a man for the sake of having a roof over her head that is not known and could be a possible predator and abuse or harm your daughter.

I state this as a former Social worker, I have seen far too many tragedies! I would be thankful that your daughter has a familiar place to stay, no need to fear sexual abuse or abuse period by strange men. Time to find the silver lining, it could be far worse.


How do you know that none of these people have a record of being a predator or far worse ?, this is a strange situation to say the least and as a social worker your mind should be reeling at this not condoning it . I think you need more training as a social worker to see if your thought processes are in the right place .
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Old 01-27-2020, 05:19 AM
 
12,165 posts, read 9,605,804 times
Reputation: 31302
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaredC View Post
Actually, she can afford her own place but chooses to live with her parents to save money.
Isn't saving money a good thing? She's saving to get an apartment in six months and you think this is wrong?
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Old 01-27-2020, 05:27 AM
 
16,736 posts, read 9,224,845 times
Reputation: 30238
This thread has a severe case of Affluenza. In New York City, apartments are tiny. It’s pretty normal to have a 4 year old kid in a studio apartment. When did sleeping on what is likely a queen pullout bed in an enormous 5 bedroom house become child abuse? Lots of people grew up in 1000 sf starter homes with a half dozen kids and are none the worse for it.
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Old 01-27-2020, 05:28 AM
 
Location: Florida
6,424 posts, read 4,170,068 times
Reputation: 11664
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
How do you know that none of these people have a record of being a predator or far worse ?, this is a strange situation to say the least and as a social worker your mind should be reeling at this not condoning it . I think you need more training as a social worker to see if your thought processes are in the right place .
Reeling at what? A child sleeping with her mother on a couch? We don't know anything about whether anyone in this situation (including the OP himself) is a predator. How could we? A child can be abused by anyone. I'm going to take a gander that she's probably very unlikely to be abused in the night if she is sleeping next to her mother.
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Old 01-27-2020, 05:29 AM
 
16,736 posts, read 9,224,845 times
Reputation: 30238
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
How do you know that none of these people have a record of being a predator or far worse ?, this is a strange situation to say the least and as a social worker your mind should be reeling at this not condoning it . I think you need more training as a social worker to see if your thought processes are in the right place .
Yeah. The Waltons was a tv show about incest and pedophilia. A big multi-generational family couldn’t possibly live in the same house without rampant sexual abuse.
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Old 01-27-2020, 06:09 AM
 
5,627 posts, read 2,463,688 times
Reputation: 11023
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
I don't know the back story but this is kind of what I thought about it also.

For hundreds of years people have shared space with family members in all kinds of living arrangements...very often multiple generations sleeping in one room. What you are describing is really not as atypical as you think, and is not, in itself, going to cause any lasting harm to a 4 year old.

If you want to seek custody of your child, so be it, but don't expect a judge to be too impressed by your outrage over the sleeping arrangements in a full house. ASSUMING all other factors are acceptable.
This is sill common in many cultures or locations where space is at a premium. We are lucky in the US to have a lot of space now, but it hasn’t always been the norm and it certainly isn’t the normal all around the world or even in all American families. As long as the home is clean, not overcrowded (it certainly sounds large), I can’t see anyone having a problem with it temporarily. Divorce is expensive and not everyone is able to get up on their feet immediately.
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Old 01-27-2020, 06:47 AM
 
Location: South of Heaven
510 posts, read 108,362 times
Reputation: 779
OP I think maybe if you press this too hard you may find that you no longer have a 50/50 arrangement anymore and your daughter will be worse off than she is now, especially if you press this without a lawyer. Get a lawyer, get your custody arrangement formalized now, and then, with your lawyer's advice, explore your next step options. Until then concentrate on providing your daughter with the best environment possible for the time that you do have her.
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Old 01-27-2020, 06:47 AM
 
13,864 posts, read 7,679,857 times
Reputation: 15874
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
This thread has a severe case of Affluenza. In New York City, apartments are tiny. It’s pretty normal to have a 4 year old kid in a studio apartment. When did sleeping on what is likely a queen pullout bed in an enormous 5 bedroom house become child abuse? Lots of people grew up in 1000 sf starter homes with a half dozen kids and are none the worse for it.
You know no one is saying that kids can't share bedrooms or a parent can't live with a child in a studio apartment. None of this is about that.
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Old 01-27-2020, 07:40 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,451 posts, read 19,206,858 times
Reputation: 46286
Quote:
Originally Posted by Toxic Waltz View Post
OP I think maybe if you press this too hard you may find that you no longer have a 50/50 arrangement anymore and your daughter will be worse off than she is now, especially if you press this without a lawyer. Get a lawyer, get your custody arrangement formalized now, and then, with your lawyer's advice, explore your next step options. Until then concentrate on providing your daughter with the best environment possible for the time that you do have her.
I agree. Get an attorney and get everything in writing.
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