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Old 01-31-2020, 04:20 PM
 
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Well, some kids only respond if you show them who's in charge by raising your voice.

I don't care what these 'experts' say.

https://www.yahoo.com/huffpost/how-t...224908745.html

Quote:
Spanking, research unequivocally tells us, is bad for kids. But yelling? Every parent does it at some point. How bad can it be?

Pretty damn bad, it turns out.

The American Academy of Pediatrics says that yelling can elevate children’s stress hormones and lead to changes in the actual architecture of their little brains. And research also suggests it doesn’t particularly work. It can lead to more of the types of behaviors parents are trying to quell, instead of stopping them. On top of which, no parent likes yelling.
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Old 01-31-2020, 07:00 PM
 
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The experts have it right here. Anything can become commonplace, and kids tend to tune out yelling if they hear it regularly. I had much better results getting down at their level and speaking softly, so they had to actually pay attention to hear me.
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Old 01-31-2020, 08:32 PM
 
Location: planet earth
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Parents yell out of frustration, to relieve tension.

What is suggested instead that would relieve tension in the moment when the kid(s) are not doing what they are supposed to be doing and there are deadlines?
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Old Today, 09:46 AM
 
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Yelling sparingly is VERY effective. If you yell at them, say, less than once every few months, they do listen when you yell. Because it's very important, what the parent is saying.

But some parents go immediately to shouting, which is just annoying and yes, would create a very tense and frightening atmosphere. I'm picturing a drill sergeant yelling in the face of a recruit.
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Old Today, 09:47 AM
 
13,156 posts, read 5,317,302 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Parents yell out of frustration, to relieve tension.

What is suggested instead that would relieve tension in the moment when the kid(s) are not doing what they are supposed to be doing and there are deadlines?
Maybe check your level of tension in general? If a child isn't doing what they're supposed to be doing, and a "deadline" is approaching, change your method next time. For example, if the schoolbus is about to come and the child still doesn't have his shoes on, have him put his shoes on before being able to eat breakfast as a habit in the future.
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Old Today, 11:12 AM
 
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My kids respond well to their school's attention-getting phrase. I asked their teacher what language she uses to get the classes attention during our first parent teacher conference. I use the same phase and the little dickenses line right up with a "yes daddy?"

It's all very pavlovian, but way better than yelling.
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Old Today, 11:49 AM
 
Location: Canada
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We're headed to my niece's birthday party this afternoon and I already said to my husband that I'm dreading it because nephew always acts like a little a-hole, mom starts screaming at him, and it ruins it for everyone. It happens every single time we get together. She has conditioned him to be this way because she goes from zero to postal, no in between, reacting disproportionately to what's going on and can't ever seem to address anything calmly or quietly. But she also seems to mirror how she was parented, which was not great.

It hurts my heart that there is always such chaos in the house and it's stressful on everyone. No child should have to be screamed at constantly and his mother needs better tools. Not sure if anything will work at this point because it's a 10 year established pattern.
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Old Today, 12:24 PM
 
Location: planet earth
6,226 posts, read 2,460,766 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
Maybe check your level of tension in general? If a child isn't doing what they're supposed to be doing, and a "deadline" is approaching, change your method next time. For example, if the schoolbus is about to come and the child still doesn't have his shoes on, have him put his shoes on before being able to eat breakfast as a habit in the future.
But sometimes, despite great planning on the parents part, the kid(s) might dawdle. You might be getting ready for work and they know they have to put on their shoes or whatever, and you come out and they are watching TV and have done nothing they were supposed to do . . . what do you recommend in that case? (And yes, everyone is going to be late because the kid did not do what they were supposed to do).
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Old Today, 01:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
But sometimes, despite great planning on the parents part, the kid(s) might dawdle. You might be getting ready for work and they know they have to put on their shoes or whatever, and you come out and they are watching TV and have done nothing they were supposed to do . . . what do you recommend in that case? (And yes, everyone is going to be late because the kid did not do what they were supposed to do).
I guess it depends on how old the child is. A child younger than 7 or so probably needs spot checking to make sure they're getting ready, especially if they're allowed to have the TV on.

I think in a case like that, once you're 100% ready to go, you can sit and watch TV. If I come out here and you're watching TV but are not ready, no TV in the morning for the next 3 days might work.
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Old Today, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Long Island
830 posts, read 849,175 times
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Tough topic. Yelling becomes habit when talking low gets no reaction. Removing the desired item such as TV or Xbox can work so far and then can cause other negative behaviors. Getting down to the root issue is the key. Why is my child always running late for the bus? Maybe there are bigger issues, a bully waiting by the school bus, an exam not prepared for, or some othe issue not being talked about.
I know with my 12 year old, when I hear negative or disrespectful behavior by him, my first question usually is "what happened at school today?" Lots of layering and probing often uncovers the underlying issue.
But I think we all yell at some point or another. It seems to be human nature when stress levels rise on both sides. Learning to control it and use at the appropriate time, on occasion, would seem to make the most sense to me.
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