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Old 02-03-2020, 02:00 PM
1,539 posts, read 1,338,120 times
Reputation: 2240


My parents were about a 6 out of 10.
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Old 02-03-2020, 02:08 PM
2,386 posts, read 987,915 times
Reputation: 3962
Gee, I hardly remember anything good about my childhood. I only remember the bad.

My parents were decent people with morals, but my dad in particular never pushed me to do anything. In elementary school, when I played the clarinet for a bit and I wanted to quit, they let me. When they sent me to a foreign language school after regular school and I wanted to quit, they let me. They never pushed me to stick with anything, so I stuck with nothing.

I don't remember much about my parents and me in junior high.

They're immigrants, so I was very separated from them and didn't have a close relationship with them even though we all lived under the same roof. I remember in high school, I hardly spoke to them and stayed in my room because I didn't know the foreign language enough to speak with them. I didn't feel comfortable going up to them (my own parents) and asking them for career advice, like what direction I should take. And if anyone needed career direction, it was ME.

My mom tried to have a relationship with me as I could sense she wanted that close mother-daughter relationship, and I had a good relationship with her when I was an innocent child, but high school was when I started resenting her and to this day, I still do. The only wise advice I remember is that life is all about getting used to it. Very, very true.

The rest of the morals I learned, I learned at church. I learned how to treat older people from my then boyfriend (now husband) based on observing his family.

I honestly don't know why I don't remember learning any lessons from my parents. Maybe because my memories mostly consist of the bad things about them.
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Old 02-03-2020, 02:42 PM
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I'm in the first wave of baby boomers, father was a returning combat GI and mother was a war bride. By the time I was in kidergarten they divorced, and I lived with a working mom and stayed with my father on the weekends. I would say the relationship between parents and children was so different than today, so I guess you can't apply today's standards.

Back in the 50's and 60's parents were involved in making a living, doing housework, cooking, and talking to other adults rather than to kids. Children had a ton of freedom to roam the streets with other kids all day on summer vacations and school weekends, and after school and often after dinner until bedtime on school nights. None of this was supervised. It was taken for granted you were with other kids and you would look out for each other. Parents were happy to tell the kids "go out and play" and kids were glad to comply.

I did well in grammar school and high school, but my parents never asked me about my grades or homework. In college I lived at home and commuted to school and worked part time during the school year and full time in the summer. I'd say parents and kids lived fairly separate lives all through the 50's and 60's.

I guess the good was that I learned to be self reliant at a young age and made all my own decisions throughout my life. I was always independent and never worried about what other people did or thought. I still don't. I always worked hard, took any opportunites that came my way, and did better financially than my parents did, with much less effort.

Regarding the bad, well no one is perfect, and you really need to be in someone's shoes to give a fair rating, so I wouldn't judge my parents in that way. And holding onto bad memories rather than good ones only keeps dragging you down, so I do my best to immediately turn off that type of thinking.

Last edited by bobspez; 02-03-2020 at 03:08 PM..
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Old 02-03-2020, 03:18 PM
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I am a boomer and give my parents a A. I was also the third so they made more mistakes on the other 2. I was very loved and both my parents were involved with me. No complaints.
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Old 02-03-2020, 03:27 PM
401 posts, read 161,686 times
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For me, my mother gets an A++ and my father gets a B.

My mother made many mistakes but the bottom line is that she did the best she could with what she knew at that particular moment in time. And as her child that is all I can ask for.

My father was and is brilliant and made sure we were taken care of financially, but he didn't always choose to spend time with the kids even when he had ample opportunities to do so.
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Old 02-03-2020, 03:43 PM
Location: Colorado
19,421 posts, read 5,238,641 times
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Both good parents, I thought everyone was treated like myself and my two brothers. My husband had a different reality..fights and drinking. He spent a lot of time at my house when we were in high school together. Our family was like my family growing up, not his.
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Old 02-03-2020, 04:03 PM
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Unfortunate bad match. No abuse (for which I am grateful) but no connections and a lot of mental illness. It was like living in a boarding house with depressed other people. I was eager to grow up and leave but never really figured out what one does. Saved by a touch of hippiedom, a lot of feminism and a fair helping of sex, drugs and rock n roll. Then I was 20 and got a good job 300 miles away and flailed along.
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Old 02-03-2020, 05:03 PM
8,240 posts, read 4,605,954 times
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On a scale of 1 to 10, it was a 4 by one of them, a 2 to 3 by the other. I don't dwell on the details. But all the kids have (or had) a good sense of humor, so we did get that. That's because the one who was a 2-3 wasn't around much. If that one had been around, there wouldn't have been any laughter.
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Old 02-03-2020, 07:34 PM
237 posts, read 53,344 times
Reputation: 568
Mixed, very mixed.
My father was abusive physically and verbally. He beat my brother regularly with a leather belt. I got the fly swatter. My mother let him do it.

They were good people, not good parents.
Both were upstanding members of the community.
Neither drank or smoked.
My mother ended her distinguished career in government in the West Wing of the White House.
My father had a successful business career.
Both were extremely good looking.
And self-absorbed to a high degree, narcissistic personalities.
My father on the spectrum into disorder.
But knowing him publicly you'd think he was charming, funny and delightful company.
In the family he was Mr. Murdstone.
To no one's surprise the marriage didn't last.
Both tried marriage again to others, also unsuccessful.
Both are gone now.

Last edited by RubyandPearl; 02-03-2020 at 08:06 PM..
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Old 02-03-2020, 08:35 PM
14,552 posts, read 14,485,787 times
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Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
Pros: they paid for education. Basic material needs met. They behaved as adults, didn't involve children in adult drama. They really did want the best for their children, and thought they were providing it. In general, more money was spent on education and music lessons than did neighboring families.

Cons: lots of hitting, screaming, deliberate social isolation of children, refusal to recognize significant mental health issues in selves and children, refusal to protect younger sibs from severely disturbed behavior of older sibs. Overall, an extremely miserable childhood. In today's world, the children would have been removed. But for that era (50s through 70s), it was not that unusual, unfortunately.

I've tried very hard to provide better for my own children. When you ask someone what they want for their own children, you can tell what was lacking in their own childhood.
"I've tried very hard to provide better for my own children. When you ask someone what they want for their own children, you can tell what was lacking in their own childhood"

that is a really good point.

i remember my mom making a big deal over and over about her and my dad "staying together for the kids" and i remember thinking how much better it would have been if they hadn't, because of the misery in that household growing up. I remember hiding a lot, under furniture, in closets, trying to stay out of the way of the rage. It was also an era where they did not seek help such as counseling.

When i had my own kids and they were very young (preschool) my marriage hit the skids and i was adamant about getting help (counseling, therapy). When that didn't work i again remembered my mothers flag of martyrdom "staying together for the kids" and I was not going to bring up my children in a house of misery, so opted for divorce. At least i could give them a calm household without all that fighting that I grew up with. So they grew up going back and forth between their dad's place and mine and grew up in two households. I feel good about that decision but to get back to the post above statement in bold...

.... two of my kids made a really big deal when they got married (at a reasonable age, they waited until they were around 30) about "staying together" and "having it be for life" and "not getting divorced." So i grew up thinking i wish my parents had NOT stayed together, and my kids grew up thinking they wished we HAD stayed together.

so yeah, we try to correct what we wish was different in our own childhood. i agree with that.

my parents did the best they could. I have to give them that. And they imparted some very good values to me. my father flew into rages, but he was also someone who worked hours in the garden, grew lovely flowers, and played classical music frequently. Of course the only music that could be played in the house was his music, but i grew up knowing a ton about classical music. He would scream and rage but he would also laugh at the TV movies he loved, big belly laughs, watching the same movies over and over. no one else got to select shows to watch. it was a big deal when my mom finally got her own small TV for the den (i think i was in college by then) and she would watch her own shows by herself.

so i have corrected some of the things, in raising my own children, and I am sure no doubt about it that they have a laundry list of things they would like to change about how they were raised, when they have children of their own. That's OK. I'm just glad i don't live at home any more, and truth be told i'm glad my own kids don't live at home any more. i like the peace and quiet.
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