U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
Old 02-04-2020, 06:27 AM
20 posts, read 4,417 times
Reputation: 67


No rating. It is what it is.

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Old 02-04-2020, 06:59 AM
Location: Florida
12,598 posts, read 5,997,515 times
Reputation: 25761
Raised by my paternal grandmother who we now believe was mentally ill. My childhood was okay when we were younger but by age 12 or so was awful. If you saw Mommy Dearest you'd understand. I made sure not to repeat any of her behavior when I had my own children.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2020, 10:18 AM
4,030 posts, read 3,544,214 times
Reputation: 12353
I'm not rating my parents. I know their intents were good and they wanted to give us better than what they had. They succeeded in that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2020, 11:37 AM
Location: Toronto
655 posts, read 176,644 times
Reputation: 758
Originally Posted by elyn02 View Post
I had lots of freedom.
That freedom came as a result of not wanting to stay home.
Same here. But for me, it's contributed to some kind of ADD so feel antsy if I just have to do a task I'm not interested in doing, or staying home too long. My career could probably have progressed more too
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2020, 01:03 PM
Location: Southern MN
7,441 posts, read 4,221,209 times
Reputation: 26402
Originally Posted by Sarahsez View Post
I'm not rating my parents. I know their intents were good and they wanted to give us better than what they had. They succeeded in that.
Same here. I know they loved me because they told me so. Sometimes their behavior didn't match what I thought love for a child should be. I know this dynamic has existed in my own relationships with my children. Maybe it's inevitable?

It's been important for me to not judge them through my child eyes. That took some work and investigation on my part to understand what sorts of experiences they had that hindered their ability to parent in all the ways I needed. It's the same kind of evaluation that I hope my own children make for their father and me.

The reason is not so much to forgive them for their failures as it is to heal myself from old resentments and grief that I don't want to carry around with me. Understanding has been good for me.

I have learned that many of the things missing in my childhood I have, as an adult, been able to learn to achieve for myself. I think the main area which wasn't addressed was the area of how to handle a child's feelings so they can, as adults, learn to deal with them as themselves.

There wasn't much room in my childhood for feeling hurt, lonely, angry, sad. I've realized they just didn't know themselves how to deal with those feelings.

As a Boomer baby I'm certainly in good company. The generation before us which went through a Depression and a World War learned to forge ahead regardless of feelings and it's no surprise they expected the same from us.

My parents did an excellent job of teaching me to be responsible and a good student. And they were good at providing for my physical needs. They provided me with a wide range of experiences and opportunities. For those things I am grateful.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2020, 01:24 PM
15,315 posts, read 830,024 times
Reputation: 24297
We were children raised by children and went everywhere they went. No baby talk, no taboo topics. We lost some feathers and did not necessarily march to the standard drum but turned out to be responsible adults who refuse to grow up completely with partners who are perfect matches and were accepted into the tribe with no reservations.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2020, 02:24 PM
Location: Florida
2,654 posts, read 1,195,540 times
Reputation: 7552
For the first 10 years I’d rate it an “A”. After that, due to my father dying when I was 12, I’d rate it a “D” at best. I was basically on my own from 12 until I left home at 17. That said, I did pretty well for myself, all things considered.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2020, 03:59 PM
Location: Southwest Washington State
26,269 posts, read 16,923,469 times
Reputation: 39907
It matters not to me. I was only ever concerned about my own parenting. That was what I could control. There was no need for me to wallow around in resentment or anger.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2020, 05:09 PM
2,759 posts, read 1,079,875 times
Reputation: 4940
Originally Posted by bobspez View Post
I would say the relationship between parents and children was so different than today, so I guess you can't apply today's standards.

Back in the 50's and 60's parents were involved in making a living, doing housework, cooking, and talking to other adults rather than to kids. Children had a ton of freedom to roam the streets with other kids all day on summer vacations and school weekends, and after school and often after dinner until bedtime on school nights. None of this was supervised. It was taken for granted you were with other kids and you would look out for each other. Parents were happy to tell the kids "go out and play" and kids were glad to comply.
Exactly! The big generational differences are why an open-ended "rating" question is going to produce such wildly disparate evaluations of "good" and "bad."

As a boomer also, my dad went from being a WWII Army PFC to working as a cash register repairman for the same company for the next 50 years. My mom came from a small town and only had a 6th grade education and worked as a clerk in a dime store. They were both in their 30s when I was born (an only child.) Blue-collar family all the way, so the only educational goal that they set for me was that I must get a high school diploma. I had no desire to go to college at that time and so that was fine with me. Nowadays, my parents' outlook would be considered "poor parenting" by most Millenials and Gen Z'ers but during my childhood it was very much the norm.

My parents both loved me, put my needs and wants ahead of their own, and in all respects did the best they could based on their own lives and their/our circumstances, and so based on that, I give them both an A.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 02-04-2020, 05:52 PM
1,932 posts, read 1,537,010 times
Reputation: 1677
Default Rate

Originally Posted by censusdata View Post
Overall how would you rate those people how raised you when you were a child? What was done well and done poorly?


The Good
- Intellectual stimulation was frequent. Always read to, they would get books if I was interested in a topic.
- I was taught to treat adults / older people in general with respect
- I was taught not to waste things and to be thankful, whether food or clothing, etc

The Bad
- No one ever stood up for me, often they sided with those were bullying me.
- Lack on constructive criticism during a decision but then I would get criticized later after the fact

I might add details later, don't want to hijack thread.

Watchful waiting. Or to say it in another way, if he dies he dies.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.

Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top