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I really benefited a lot from the early instruction my mom gave us so that we started school already knowing how to read - that put us ahead for our entire educational careers. I also appreciate that my parents were pretty strict and provided a fair amount of structure and high expectations, yet we also got to pretty independent. I loved being a latch-key kid.
On the flip side, the home life was sometimes pretty miserable because of a parent's temper and alcoholism, economic stress, and unhappy/abusive marriage.
In some ways it was an A, and in some an F, so I guess that averages out to C.
Cons
Mom was critical and demanding, impossible to please.
Dad was physically away at work most of every day, and didn't see interacting a lot with daughters as part of his role.
Pros
Our physical needs were taken care of well.
We were helped financially in college.
There were lots of books in our house, and we were read to when little.
We were encouraged to continue our educations beyond high school.
We were required to contribute to the household through chores, and got an allowance for doing so.
The good:
- had a lot of freedom
- parents trusted me
The bad:
- no real conversations about anything
- no support during teenage years
- no guidance on which university to select and that could have made a big difference
- no physical affection
- very rare acknowledgment for my achievements
- my brother was the favorite child and I was the invisible child
If I take into consideration everything that happened between birth and the day I left home for college at 18, I would rate my parents as a C- if I'm feeling generous, or a D if I am not. It wasn't good.
I would rate my parents, as a whole unit, probably a B- to a C.
My mom, she could do no wrong in my book. She was funny, she was smart, she was loving, and she was the one that gave out consistent and (mostly) fair discipline. And she was wise. She would probably see it different. She has commented before, on how she could've been better.
We had a lot of freedom. (I'm also a boomer.) we were allowed to do a lot of roaming. If we wanted to play in the woods, we played in the woods. If we wanted to walk the mile or so to the mall, we went to the mall. If I wanted to get up before everyone else in the household, and go take a walk around the neighborhood in my pajamas... (well, my mom didn't know I did that until I was well WELL into adult hood, and she was horrified. LOL)
I was part of a family of seven people, in a one bathroom, 3 bedroom house. All of us kids are stair step in age. Us kids were often a frustration to my dad, who was an only child until he was 18 yrs old. Lots of times, we were afraid of my dad. We'd get yelled at for crying, and if we had colds (I'm sure 5 little kids with colds is a PITA) he'd yell at us to stop coughing. Sometimes he'd punish us for things that in reality, were not a big deal. Like one time, we were all grounded for a week, because someone knocked over the badminton net.
BUT he was an affectionate man (as was my mom) and if he was proud of you, he'd say so. He'd also tell us he loved us, and his actions proved it. He easily cried at sentimental things. He was also kind of a renaissance man. Had lots of interests and hobbies. He loved other cultures, and was an avid National Geographic subscriber. He loved music. Mostly classical. And he had an avid interest in ancient Greek and Roman culture, and would encourage us to learn about it. We often got quizzed on it. We'd have a 'thing' at the dinner table. All of us kids would have to share "one thing we learned today."
As young kids, we had the best back yard in the neighborhood. My dad built us a sandbox, and a play house, and we had a swing set. We had a tetherball set, and in the summer, we'd have a pool.
When we got older, like teenagers and young adults, if we were going out, he'd always give us some money. LOL He cried at all his daughters weddings.
If not for his temper, I would've said we had an A+ childhood.
Grew up in a tiny little home, 5 kids, 2 kids per room, and when a new baby came along, sometimes 3 to a room! Helped my mom with the care of baby siblings, feeding, changing, the works, had a ton of freedom to do the things I loved to do, and for the most part, mom and dad were relaxed when it came to our upbringing.
Our home sported one bathroom, too, and I remember when there were baby siblings in diapers, all too often you had to check inside the toilet (first), before using, because my mom often had a pair of diapers soaking in the toilet, so you can imagine the stir that caused! LOL!
Even though mom and dad were poor, us kids always had a special Christmas. Wow! Talk about dedication towards ones kids.
Yep, wouldn't change a single thing if I could do it all again!
Grew up in a tiny little home, 5 kids, 2 kids per room, and when a new baby came along, sometimes 3 to a room! Helped my mom with the care of baby siblings, feeding, changing, the works, had a ton of freedom to do the things I loved to do, and for the most part, mom and dad were relaxed when it came to our upbringing.
Our home sported one bathroom, too, and I remember when there were baby siblings in diapers, all too often you had to check inside the toilet (first), before using, because my mom often had a pair of diapers soaking in the toilet, so you can imagine the stir that caused! LOL!
Even though mom and dad were poor, us kids always had a special Christmas. Wow! Talk about dedication towards ones kids.
Yep, wouldn't change a single thing if I could do it all again!
Are you one of my siblings? LOL
We always had a great Christmas too. Seemed pretty magical to me. And your story about the toilet...same here. LOL
We were on a septic system, and one time, SOMEONE flushed one of the cloth diapers. LORD! It was a fairly major disaster. LOL My parents had to have someone come out and tear the yard up to dig up the septic tank, to get the diaper out. LOL
We always had a great Christmas too. Seemed pretty magical to me. And your story about the toilet...same here. LOL
We were on a septic system, and one time, SOMEONE flushed one of the cloth diapers. LORD! It was a fairly major disaster. LOL My parents had to have someone come out and tear the yard up to dig up the septic tank, to get the diaper out. LOL
ROFLMAO!
I wanted to give you a rep, but it says I have to spread my reps around before giving you any, but just love your post!
Yep, the good ole days of cloth diapers and rubber pants! You must be a siblings of mine!
My mom flushed two cloth diapers in her day rinsing out the diapers of my baby siblings in the toilet, and both times she got away with it with no plugging of the toilet or sewer!
I did the same diaper-soak thing when my kids were babies, and while nobody flushed a diaper, I did hear about how yucky it was when one of my older kids would find a soiled diaper sitting in the toilet soaking when they had to go!
Also remember my mom would hang rubber pants up in the bathroom! Looked like a bunch of plastic shower caps! LOL!
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SassyBluesy. How do you fit in age wise in your family, oldest? Did you have to help care for baby siblings? Feeding, making bottles, changing diapers, etc?
The good:
- Had the freedom to explore my world when no one else was around.
The bad:
- I was lonely and depressed often.
- Dad's recreation was booze, Mom's was watching nature shows and turning the sound up so I couldn't talk to her.
- Mom's terror was that I would "embarrass" her and damage her standing in the community. She had no standing whatsoever in the community and everyone knew it.
- When I did well at one thing or another, I wasn't praised or rewarded but put on exhibit as a dog and pony show so my mother could enhance her non-existent standing in the community.
- The most bizarre episode of a deeply-troubled upbringing was my mother interrupting a tennis match in which I was playing and dragging me away by my hair in front of a crowd of people who watched open-mouthed.
- After graduation they sent me to the cheapest school within 100 miles and washed their hands of me.
I was raised by the drunks, addicts and criminals, and all the wonderful things that accompany those fine activities.
So I'll go with an F+. They get the + because they didn't kill my brother and me, not for lack of effort.
After 10 or so County Jails - short stays, a year and a half in a low level correctional facility, $75,000 in therapy expenses, and after attending about a million 12 Step meetings I am actually not angry or depressed at them anymore.
I was the lucky brother.
As an adult I have had to freeze my credit at times due to their inability to get their acts together ... ever.
Probably overshared, but it seems right in this thread.
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