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Old 02-05-2020, 06:43 PM
 
1,052 posts, read 279,794 times
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On paper I had a great childhood, probably an A. My parents sent me to the best schools around, they were involved in my life, kept me involved in many activities and had lots of family members we were friends with. As I’ve gotten older though I wish some things had been different. My dad worked a lot and i wish we’d spent more time together as a family. More vacations or more traditions. I also wish my dad had been more emotionally involved in my life. He never had an opinion about anything I did other than school. My mother was overly involved in things I did from my weight to how sexually active I was with my high school boyfriend.

I’m not sure how I’ll do things differently with my daughter. I know I’ll never mention her weight if she gains a few lbs. i also feel like I disappointed my parents on quite a few occasions in middle school and high school when I didn’t live up to their expectations.

I’ve learned that you can guide kids but you can’t give birth to them expecting their going to turn out a certain way.

I think my parents had a certain idea in mind of what successful was and that’s how they wanted me to be in every weigh from my grades to my weight. And for the record I was 115 in high school until senior yr when I gained about 10 lbs. very upsetting to my mother. I guess I’m still bitter about it because it had a great effect on me. But in her mind thin people are happy and overweight people are not. She didn’t want me going in that direction.

Last edited by Bridge781; 02-05-2020 at 06:46 PM.. Reason: !
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Old 02-05-2020, 07:32 PM
 
4,581 posts, read 1,992,488 times
Reputation: 4644
Quote:
Originally Posted by blistex649 View Post
Same here. But for me, it's contributed to some kind of ADD so feel antsy if I just have to do a task I'm not interested in doing, or staying home too long. My career could probably have progressed more too
Interesting. After learning of ADD, I thought I demonstrated many of the characteristics.
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Old 02-05-2020, 08:12 PM
 
Location: Canada
6,153 posts, read 4,563,483 times
Reputation: 17011
My dad died when I was 10. He was 47. My mother (43) had to go to work full time to raise us 4 kids and keep the house. It was devastating for her. She loved our dad so much and never found another husband or boyfriend.

She taught us excellent values, manners and loved every one of us. Two of us (the two younger ones) appreciated and kept what she taught us.

The two older ones (twin brothers), didn't pay attention, didn't care, and blamed a lot of their problems on her. They did it to themselves. So unfair and wrong. They caused her a lot of grief through the years.

She wasn't easy to be with in her elder years, but she loved us fiercely and we are lucky to have had her for a mother.
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Old 02-07-2020, 03:24 PM
 
2,446 posts, read 1,736,293 times
Reputation: 3226
B rating


Pro:
- Mom truly loved us, family was everything to her. Safety and protection was her #1 priority. Dad loved us too but he wasn't over the top like mom
- Family bond was emphasized but our life wasn't restricted. They gave us some freedom & often times tried to understand our POV
- Basic needs were met, only after college did I realize were dirt poor. Everyone else in our environment were dirt poor, so I never noticed.


Con:
- Lot of emotional manipulation mostly by my mom. She said some mean things to me that I can't even repeat myself & she will deny them all now. But now I realize she is not emotionally mature & reacted like a toddler with the teenage me. But it left some deep scare in me
- Did not teach me extracurricular activity. They believed in doing the basic and keeping kids safe. But sports, music, art or even teaching me how to ride bike or learn to swim were all extra, not worth teaching. they truly believed kids just learn these on their own but that wasn't true for my case. All my life I feel like I am playing catch up because I never learned anything outside of school books.
- Made fun of my weight a lot but never showed me how to lose weight. Never taught me how to get dressed nice/right.. Lot of basic survival skills that mother pass down to daughters were not passed on to me. I learned most of those from self-help books and now Youtube.
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Old 02-08-2020, 07:31 AM
 
Location: New Yawk
9,090 posts, read 5,546,453 times
Reputation: 15082
Pretty damn lousy. One disappeared for 10 years, and the other was too self-involved to bother with parenting or providing a stable environment.
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Old 02-08-2020, 03:08 PM
 
Location: New Albany, Indiana (Greater Louisville)
10,181 posts, read 21,629,517 times
Reputation: 9827
OP. The people raising me changed over when mom died when I was 11. Mom herself did mostly well, she was fairly strict but not over bearing. She would explain to me why I wasn't allowed to do things. She didn't worry me with adult problems or stress about adult things in front of me.

After she died of cancer when I was 11 my two much older (21 yrs older) sisters took over. Complete nightmare. They were / are hyper religious, extreme OCD, micromanage every detail, and do nothing when I needed protection. Mom would tell me generally why I shouldn't do something. The sisters always used extreme language "if you run too far ahead of us a man could kidnap you and rape you", "if you fall your head could crack in half", etc. I was basically not allowed to go to friends houses unless they literally sat in a car outside the house the whole time. They would let me make "decisions" like adopting dogs or cats, even an Algerian skink and later instead of saying they shouldn't have allowed it I was blamed. Remember, I was 11-12, they were 32-33 at the time.

Most painful thing they did / didn't do involve any time I was bullied and got upset. No matter what happen I was always told it was my fault and I should learn to not get so angry. What types of things? Within a couple months of mom dying their best friend (from church) told them in front of me that they should put me in an orphanage. When I got upset at her my sisters blamed me for getting angry, not at their 30 year old friend. When kids at school made fun of me after I told them my mom died of colon cancer my sisters said "why did you tell them that? What do you expect them to do?". I was basically tortured in schools and they never went and talked with the teachers. I went from an A/B student under mom to flunked most classes. They would ask men from their church to come and chew me out if I refused to go to school. Not one time was I asked why I didn't want to go. It was assumed I was a trouble maker. There were 5 to 10 people in mom's family who knew things were going badly and never jumped in and tried to make things better. Usually I was blamed for being ungrateful.

Could go on but don't want to write a novel here.
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Old 02-11-2020, 09:52 AM
 
440 posts, read 159,307 times
Reputation: 1159
Mom was a B+, Dad was a C.

They did the best they knew how considering neither one had supportive, loving parents.

There was never any abuse. For that I’m grateful. They didn’t give me much verbal praise, but I always knew I was loved. They had such high expectations (grades) that I never felt worthy and grew up with low self esteem. My dad was a selfish person and seldom considered anyone else’s needs. My mom was the opposite-total caregiver, putting herself last after everyone else. It wasn’t a good example of a marriage.

We moved a lot and never had much contact with other relatives. I always felt there were big secrets that we kids didn’t know about.

Actually our relationship was better when I became an adult. We relied on each other in a healthier way. I miss them both.
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Old 02-12-2020, 05:30 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA/Washington, DC
24,475 posts, read 34,572,196 times
Reputation: 33976
Mom B-/C+ Dad D-/F

Mom generally cared and provided but really couldn’t find more effective ways to discipline me other than screaming her head off once I got too big to spank. I got screamed at over the stupidest crap because she was controlling. It got to the point where I wouldn’t give a if she said she was proud of me because like clockwork she’s at my throat over something else.

Dad was about as much of a halfa$& parent as you could have. There when he wanted to be which wasn’t much.
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Old 02-12-2020, 10:14 PM
 
Location: USA
2,807 posts, read 2,208,724 times
Reputation: 4656
idk what grade to give my parents......

All I gotta say, glad I wasn't fed with a silver spoon. Being financially stable on my own as as much as possible considering I'm on disability, (s.s.d.i.) is a great feeling. I know people who make more than what I collect and rely on their parents for help. Sucks to be them. As I've learned, they're horrible with money bc their parents financially enable them.
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Old 02-12-2020, 11:52 PM
 
Location: California
31,343 posts, read 34,565,057 times
Reputation: 27010
It was good, a solid A. Things got a bit rocky when I was a teen because my mom wasn't interested in giving up control over me, but even then it wasn't terrible and I managed to do my own thing under the radar until I moved out at age 20.
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