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Old 02-09-2020, 06:58 PM
 
2,320 posts, read 721,754 times
Reputation: 6196

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JenniferLB75 View Post
Why do women think they have to give a man a child? Sometimes if isn’t always right. Sometimes it can be a bit selfish. Would it have been a better choice to give more attention to her 2 children?
Why do men think women have to give them a child?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
How do you know it wasn't his idea? Maybe having a child was important to him. And maybe he wasn't interested in parenting "someone else's kids". Of course it's sad. It sounds like she wasn't mature enough to have kids from the start.
It sounds like he wasn't, either, if that's his attitude.
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Old 02-10-2020, 06:09 AM
 
3,194 posts, read 2,102,823 times
Reputation: 6584
Some people are not meant to be parents. Some of them are smart enough to realize that and so they make the choice not to. The ones who haven't figured that out about themselves have kids and realize too late it was a mistake for them.



A small (from my own view) percentage have kids and they rise to the challenge and change. These are the ones who seem to grow up after getting hit with a solid dose of reality once their children are born.



But, even with all that, there's no guarantees that a child will turn out a certain way. I know parents that have multiple children, where one will turn out to be a productive member of society and the other is pretty much worthless. You just never know how someone will turn out, you can only do your best as a parent.
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Old 02-10-2020, 06:18 AM
Status: "The ministers cat is an exhausted cat" (set 17 days ago)
 
Location: NJ
1,051 posts, read 359,711 times
Reputation: 3598
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
It is always easier for people who don't have children themselves to look at those who do and point out what they should do or should have done.

The fact of the matter is that when you are a parent, there is no magic formula that ensures your kids will turn out one way or another.

How do I know the OP doesn't have kids? The answer is in the title of this thread.

Spoiler
Only people who have never had children think the word "control" is applicable when it comes to talking about parenting.
Must spread reputation around before I can give to Mightyqueen801



Sometimes (this is a wild concept so stay with me) children are their own person. They are who they are even if you try and control them
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Old 02-10-2020, 07:42 AM
 
Location: Fairfield of the Ohio
760 posts, read 568,010 times
Reputation: 2306
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
It is always easier for people who don't have children themselves to look at those who do and point out what they should do or should have done.

The fact of the matter is that when you are a parent, there is no magic formula that ensures your kids will turn out one way or another.

How do I know the OP doesn't have kids? The answer is in the title of this thread.

Spoiler
Only people who have never had children think the word "control" is applicable when it comes to talking about parenting.

I have kids and I certainly have complete control over them. It's my job.
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Old 02-10-2020, 08:17 AM
 
2,503 posts, read 1,815,851 times
Reputation: 3365
I don't think the 3rd baby is the reason first 2 are damaged. OP said those kids were already messed up (behavior issues) before the 3rd baby came in picture. Their up brining was toxic from their parents toxic marriage. The older 2 most likely would not have gotten any more attention than they did if the 3rd baby wasn't around because

1) they were handful already & mom was tired of them. Everyone likes fresh start even with babies
2) Bio dad didn't care enough & step dad, doesn't sound like cared either. Not having the 3rd baby would not have made step dad care more, its hard to care about someone else's behavior challenged kid especially if the bio dad is around
3) There are teenager, they are going to do stuff. Let them figure it out

I would say, at least your friend has 1 good baby, that is an achievement. Parents are clueless & they figure things out but the first few babies end up being experiment babies. As in parents try different parenting technique out only to learn from their mistake & become good experienced parents for the younger once. My friends and I talk about how clueless our parents were & how different they raised the younger siblings. But we don't hate our parents for that because we realize our parents were figuring things out & its easier 2nd or 3rd time around.
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Old 02-10-2020, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Florida
12,559 posts, read 5,980,921 times
Reputation: 25718
Quote:
Originally Posted by sspistol View Post
I have kids and I certainly have complete control over them. It's my job.
I can only laugh at this. How old are your kids? I'm assuming pretty young because once they start school and especially after getting their driver's license, you basically lose most of your control.
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Old 02-10-2020, 08:46 AM
 
14,307 posts, read 5,903,511 times
Reputation: 33786
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
I can only laugh at this. How old are your kids? I'm assuming pretty young because once they start school and especially after getting their driver's license, you basically lose most of your control.
That's what I want to know too.

When I hear these kinds of statements, I cringe. Because there's a little scorekeeper in the Karma somewhere who is writing this all down, and planning the best way to teach people who make statements like this how laughable they are.
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Old 02-10-2020, 10:30 AM
 
76 posts, read 34,356 times
Reputation: 83
Well she sent her 2 children away to live in other states. One to live with her parents and one with an aunt.
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Old 02-10-2020, 11:20 AM
Status: "Daring to hope" (set 4 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
62,544 posts, read 59,428,330 times
Reputation: 75348
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
Some of the very best parents still have teens that get into trouble, me included. Most grow out of it and turn out fine and become good parents themselves.

OP, hope your friend is very happy now with a good husband and baby. It's tough when you're in a bad marriage. Not sure how you knew she was always on her phone. Anyway, it's no one's business. They made the decision to have a child.
Same here.

Only when I had my own kid did I fully realize what I'd said and done to my poor mother.
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Old 02-10-2020, 11:23 AM
Status: "Daring to hope" (set 4 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
62,544 posts, read 59,428,330 times
Reputation: 75348
Quote:
Originally Posted by sspistol View Post
I have kids and I certainly have complete control over them. It's my job.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
I can only laugh at this. How old are your kids? I'm assuming pretty young because once they start school and especially after getting their driver's license, you basically lose most of your control.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
That's what I want to know too.

When I hear these kinds of statements, I cringe. Because there's a little scorekeeper in the Karma somewhere who is writing this all down, and planning the best way to teach people who make statements like this how laughable they are.
My thoughts exactly.

I hope the lesson isn't TOO painful.
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