U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-09-2020, 07:58 PM
 
1,894 posts, read 569,534 times
Reputation: 5274

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by JenniferLB75 View Post
Why do women think they have to give a man a child? Sometimes if isn’t always right. Sometimes it can be a bit selfish. Would it have been a better choice to give more attention to her 2 children?
Why do men think women have to give them a child?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
How do you know it wasn't his idea? Maybe having a child was important to him. And maybe he wasn't interested in parenting "someone else's kids". Of course it's sad. It sounds like she wasn't mature enough to have kids from the start.
It sounds like he wasn't, either, if that's his attitude.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-10-2020, 07:09 AM
 
3,042 posts, read 1,934,720 times
Reputation: 6311
Some people are not meant to be parents. Some of them are smart enough to realize that and so they make the choice not to. The ones who haven't figured that out about themselves have kids and realize too late it was a mistake for them.



A small (from my own view) percentage have kids and they rise to the challenge and change. These are the ones who seem to grow up after getting hit with a solid dose of reality once their children are born.



But, even with all that, there's no guarantees that a child will turn out a certain way. I know parents that have multiple children, where one will turn out to be a productive member of society and the other is pretty much worthless. You just never know how someone will turn out, you can only do your best as a parent.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-10-2020, 07:18 AM
 
Location: NJ
733 posts, read 244,592 times
Reputation: 2788
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
It is always easier for people who don't have children themselves to look at those who do and point out what they should do or should have done.

The fact of the matter is that when you are a parent, there is no magic formula that ensures your kids will turn out one way or another.

How do I know the OP doesn't have kids? The answer is in the title of this thread.

Spoiler
Only people who have never had children think the word "control" is applicable when it comes to talking about parenting.
Must spread reputation around before I can give to Mightyqueen801



Sometimes (this is a wild concept so stay with me) children are their own person. They are who they are even if you try and control them
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-10-2020, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Fairfield of the Ohio
738 posts, read 545,609 times
Reputation: 2156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
It is always easier for people who don't have children themselves to look at those who do and point out what they should do or should have done.

The fact of the matter is that when you are a parent, there is no magic formula that ensures your kids will turn out one way or another.

How do I know the OP doesn't have kids? The answer is in the title of this thread.

Spoiler
Only people who have never had children think the word "control" is applicable when it comes to talking about parenting.

I have kids and I certainly have complete control over them. It's my job.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-10-2020, 09:17 AM
 
2,441 posts, read 1,733,000 times
Reputation: 3211
I don't think the 3rd baby is the reason first 2 are damaged. OP said those kids were already messed up (behavior issues) before the 3rd baby came in picture. Their up brining was toxic from their parents toxic marriage. The older 2 most likely would not have gotten any more attention than they did if the 3rd baby wasn't around because

1) they were handful already & mom was tired of them. Everyone likes fresh start even with babies
2) Bio dad didn't care enough & step dad, doesn't sound like cared either. Not having the 3rd baby would not have made step dad care more, its hard to care about someone else's behavior challenged kid especially if the bio dad is around
3) There are teenager, they are going to do stuff. Let them figure it out

I would say, at least your friend has 1 good baby, that is an achievement. Parents are clueless & they figure things out but the first few babies end up being experiment babies. As in parents try different parenting technique out only to learn from their mistake & become good experienced parents for the younger once. My friends and I talk about how clueless our parents were & how different they raised the younger siblings. But we don't hate our parents for that because we realize our parents were figuring things out & its easier 2nd or 3rd time around.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-10-2020, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Florida
12,006 posts, read 5,629,731 times
Reputation: 24761
Quote:
Originally Posted by sspistol View Post
I have kids and I certainly have complete control over them. It's my job.
I can only laugh at this. How old are your kids? I'm assuming pretty young because once they start school and especially after getting their driver's license, you basically lose most of your control.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-10-2020, 09:46 AM
 
13,228 posts, read 5,378,251 times
Reputation: 32107
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
I can only laugh at this. How old are your kids? I'm assuming pretty young because once they start school and especially after getting their driver's license, you basically lose most of your control.
That's what I want to know too.

When I hear these kinds of statements, I cringe. Because there's a little scorekeeper in the Karma somewhere who is writing this all down, and planning the best way to teach people who make statements like this how laughable they are.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-10-2020, 11:30 AM
 
72 posts, read 23,809 times
Reputation: 77
Well she sent her 2 children away to live in other states. One to live with her parents and one with an aunt.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-10-2020, 12:20 PM
Status: "At ease" (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
60,361 posts, read 57,722,982 times
Reputation: 72027
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
Some of the very best parents still have teens that get into trouble, me included. Most grow out of it and turn out fine and become good parents themselves.

OP, hope your friend is very happy now with a good husband and baby. It's tough when you're in a bad marriage. Not sure how you knew she was always on her phone. Anyway, it's no one's business. They made the decision to have a child.
Same here.

Only when I had my own kid did I fully realize what I'd said and done to my poor mother.
__________________
Moderator posts are in RED.
City-Data Terms of Service: //www.city-data.com/terms.html
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-10-2020, 12:23 PM
Status: "At ease" (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
60,361 posts, read 57,722,982 times
Reputation: 72027
Quote:
Originally Posted by sspistol View Post
I have kids and I certainly have complete control over them. It's my job.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
I can only laugh at this. How old are your kids? I'm assuming pretty young because once they start school and especially after getting their driver's license, you basically lose most of your control.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
That's what I want to know too.

When I hear these kinds of statements, I cringe. Because there's a little scorekeeper in the Karma somewhere who is writing this all down, and planning the best way to teach people who make statements like this how laughable they are.
My thoughts exactly.

I hope the lesson isn't TOO painful.
__________________
Moderator posts are in RED.
City-Data Terms of Service: //www.city-data.com/terms.html
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top