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Old 02-10-2020, 01:41 PM
 
1,041 posts, read 273,906 times
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This sort of behavior pisses me off. Some women seem to think a relationship or marriage isn’t real unless she gets impregnated. I see many older woman these days going on to a second marriage and having more kids with the new partner when they already have kids. Not sure why the need for this. I don’t think it’s good for the first set of kids, it likely ends up being weird eventually for the new baby when they get older. Too many half siblings and step kids/siblings. Men do it as well.
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Old 02-10-2020, 02:23 PM
Status: "At ease" (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
60,376 posts, read 57,722,982 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge781 View Post
This sort of behavior pisses me off. Some women seem to think a relationship or marriage isn’t real unless she gets impregnated. I see many older woman these days going on to a second marriage and having more kids with the new partner when they already have kids. Not sure why the need for this. I don’t think it’s good for the first set of kids, it likely ends up being weird eventually for the new baby when they get older. Too many half siblings and step kids/siblings. Men do it as well.
I don't know if that's really that much of a thing, but this reminded me of someone I know.

A friend was married and had a son with her husband. They divorced, and both remarried. Both had a child when the first son was about 10. My friend had a girl, and her ex had a boy. Of course, time had passed, and the two families were on good terms and blended and sometimes they watched one another's kids.

When the second boy and girl were around four, they adored each other and declared that when they grew up, they would get married. Of course they weren't related to each other, but the older brother, now a teen, was related to both, and he said, "What are people going to say when I tell them that my sister married my brother???"

Everyone is an adult now, and it doesn't appear to have worked out the way the kids planned when they were four.
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Old 02-10-2020, 02:43 PM
 
8,682 posts, read 3,168,706 times
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Originally Posted by JenniferLB75 View Post
My friend had a troubled first marriage. Her kids were affected by it. She also was on her phone all the time and didn’t always pay attention to them. They were very badly behaved. After so many fights, and break ups she finally split with her husband and met and married a new man. She told me she couldn’t be married to this new guy and not give him a child so she got pregnant and had a new kid. This new child became their world and her other kids further neglected. Now her 2 children from her first marriage are teens and screwed up. Drugs, ditching school, stealing etc....people told her to not have the 3rd kid and now she doesn’t speak to them. Even her own parents who said it was a terrible idea. I kind of agree with them but won’t tell her that. Why do women think they have to give a man a child? Sometimes if isn’t always right. Sometimes it can be a bit selfish. Would it have been a better choice to give more attention to her 2 children?

I married my second husband when I was 45. I kinda wanted a baby by him. I even brought it up to him. He begged me not to do it. LOL


Would it have been wildly unpractical? Yes


Would it have been selfish? Yes, probably. Would it have been medically unsafe? Maybe.


All kinds of reasons to NOT have a baby at 45...still...the urge was there.
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Old 02-10-2020, 02:48 PM
 
1,768 posts, read 1,709,227 times
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Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
About the wanting to give the new man children: I have often seen, in low socioeconomic settings, young women who have already had 3,4,5 kids by age 21, often by multiple men, requesting tubal ligation, and being refused it by the OBGYN because, "As soon as she meets the next boyfriend, she's going to want to give him a child, and will regret having had the tubal ligation."

Of course, no one worked. Not the mom, not the "baby daddies", no one.

Honestly, I find your post extremely anecdotal. Any hard data to back up your statement regarding Obs discouraging sterilization for the specific reason you stated?



The most important factor in access to family planning- insurance doesn't always cover tubals unless certain parameters are met. Some state Medicaid programs don't cover it at all. Those limits were placed to avoid forced sterilization for marginalized populations.


Here's some actual research that supports the statement that tubals are hard to come by for lower socioeconomic status women. https://www.futurity.org/medicaid-st...-income-women/
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Old 02-10-2020, 03:41 PM
 
1,041 posts, read 273,906 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
I married my second husband when I was 45. I kinda wanted a baby by him. I even brought it up to him. He begged me not to do it. LOL


Would it have been wildly unpractical? Yes


Would it have been selfish? Yes, probably. Would it have been medically unsafe? Maybe.


All kinds of reasons to NOT have a baby at 45...still...the urge was there.
Why not adopt at that age if your truly wanted a baby.
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Old 02-10-2020, 03:55 PM
 
8,682 posts, read 3,168,706 times
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Originally Posted by Bridge781 View Post
Why not adopt at that age if your truly wanted a baby.
Because the urge was to have my husband's baby.


But I'm a grown up, and I listened to reason.
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Old 02-10-2020, 04:17 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
22,256 posts, read 23,851,196 times
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Originally Posted by sspistol View Post
I have kids and I certainly have complete control over them. It's my job.
Come back in 10 years and let us know how that worked out for you.
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Old 02-10-2020, 06:47 PM
 
4,690 posts, read 3,147,809 times
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Originally Posted by sspistol View Post
I have kids and I certainly have complete control over them. It's my job.
Please come back and explain what you mean. I'm seriously interested in your thinking here.

First, I don't believe it's possible to have complete control.

Second, if you do, you're missing the part of parenting that is teaching them greater responsibility and more autonomy.

Third, if you control with an iron fist, I promise it won't be pretty once they get a taste of freedom at an older age.

Some kids have to learn the hard way.
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Old 02-10-2020, 07:18 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
22,256 posts, read 23,851,196 times
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Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
Please come back and explain what you mean. I'm seriously interested in your thinking here.

First, I don't believe it's possible to have complete control.

Second, if you do, you're missing the part of parenting that is teaching them greater responsibility and more autonomy.

Third, if you control with an iron fist, I promise it won't be pretty once they get a taste of freedom at an older age.

Some kids have to learn the hard way.
This cannot be overstated.

Your job, as a parent, is to teach them to be self sufficient, confident and contributing members of society. They cannot attain this without increasing autonomy.

Sometimes parenting is letting them fail then helping them rebuild.
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Old Yesterday, 04:07 AM
 
7,231 posts, read 3,442,958 times
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Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
This cannot be overstated.

Your job, as a parent, is to teach them to be self sufficient, confident and contributing members of society. They cannot attain this without increasing autonomy.

Sometimes parenting is letting them fail then helping them rebuild.
That is wise advice. Yet it was asked HOW you "CONTROL" your children at all times? Are they puppets with strings?

The only person I can "control" is myself , with behavior and a different perspective sometimes. Beyond that I don't think its healthy to "control" a person....that's like holding ppl hostage ...
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