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Old 02-12-2020, 10:28 AM
 
1,534 posts, read 625,479 times
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You cannot control children. You can't control how the genes combine, how the pregnancy goes, what kind of baby they are, what their natural interest will be, the jokes they will come up with, the special shade that only they could throw at you in their teen years.

But yep, let's just keep up the judgement on family planning and parenting. That never gets old.
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Old 02-12-2020, 10:32 AM
 
2,388 posts, read 1,933,255 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sspistol View Post
I have kids and I certainly have complete control over them.
This might be true, but for how long? Sounds like you have young kids who have not yet reached puberty. Once they do, you sound EXACTLY like the type of tyrannical parent that kids rebel against...

Quote:
Originally Posted by sspistol View Post
It's my job.
Actually, as a parent, it's your job to give your children all the proper tools and guidance that they need to learn how to control (behave) themselves.
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Old 02-12-2020, 10:49 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
24,605 posts, read 23,186,310 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge781 View Post
I knew someone would bring up the man thing. It’s just different, I’m sorry. There’s more risks for a woman having kids in her 40s than there is for a man. That’s just the way it is. There are simply some things that men are able to do that women can’t. Don’t blame me for saying that. Men don’t have the biological clock that women have when it comes to having kids. Women over 35 are more at risk for miscarriages and chromosomal abnormalities.
So its the risk factor that shocks you about women over 40 having children?

The risk for maternal chromosomal abnormalities have been studied for some time while paternal abnormalities is just recently being researched. Researchers are already finding some risk association.
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Old 02-12-2020, 10:59 AM
 
1,959 posts, read 567,322 times
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I just think the risks are still there so yes it suprises me when women in their 40s choose to have a 3rd or 4th child. I understand more having a child in your 40s if you have never experienced motherhood. Maybe it took a while to have a baby or maybe they didn’t get married until 39. Science has certain made it possible for women to conceive later in life but we still don’t know what the possible risks could be for mother and baby later in life

And yes parenting can be tiring. Some women I suppose love it and don’t find it tiring ever. I will say I’ve heard some older moms say how tired they are. I am a bit older than other moms with kids my age. At 41 my kids are 3 and 5. I’m not old but when I go to their school most of the moms are about 35 or even younger. There is of course one or two about my age. And I had my kids before 40.
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Old 02-12-2020, 10:59 AM
 
1,784 posts, read 1,763,150 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TinaTwo View Post
Exactly, but most don’t request a tubal ligation anyway. They just just keep having babies even though most are on state aid and couldn’t survive without it. If a person can’t afford to pay for the kids they already have without assistance they shouldn’t be allowed to have more. Unfortunately there’s no way to stop it.
Another anecdotal statement. Statistics regarding lower socioeconomic women not asking for tubal ligation? You do realize more poor women, especially WOC, have undergone sterilization than middle income women. Overall, sterilization is dropping among American women of all classes.



Quote:
Sterilization continues to be more common among disadvantaged women with lower levels of education and income and public or no insurance, among those with higher parity, and among black and Hispanic women. Among the disadvantaged, white women are just as likely to be sterilized as black and Hispanic women; white women become less likely to be sterilized than black and Hispanic women as their socioeconomic status increases (44). It remains unclear whether these discrepancies are predominantly due to cultural preference, provider bias, or insurance access (45).
https://www.sciencedirect.com/scienc...15028210004668


I also don't see statements wondering why men aren't sterilized and just go on having babies.
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Old 02-12-2020, 11:17 AM
Status: "The ministers cat is an exhausted cat" (set 17 days ago)
 
Location: NJ
1,051 posts, read 359,711 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kynight View Post
Being young and dumb doesn't make your story the best example.
Its a perfectly good example. I take care of my children and my stepchildren and i always have. The POINT i was making is that in my esperience people have children in their 2nd or subsequent marriage do so because they still wanted children or they did want more children just not with their previous husband. Same reason that people who never wanted children end up wanting them later in life, they changed their needs. Having more children is neither selfish nor wrong as long as they are taken care of.

My sister in her late 30s remarried and had baby number 4 just this December. Her first husband and her made a lovely home together and were raising their children when she found out he was cheating on her and they divorced. She wanted another child. So she had one. Perfectly normal.
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Old 02-12-2020, 11:39 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
24,605 posts, read 23,186,310 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge781 View Post
I just think the risks are still there so yes it suprises me when women in their 40s choose to have a 3rd or 4th child. I understand more having a child in your 40s if you have never experienced motherhood. Maybe it took a while to have a baby or maybe they didn’t get married until 39. Science has certain made it possible for women to conceive later in life but we still don’t know what the possible risks could be for mother and baby later in life

And yes parenting can be tiring. Some women I suppose love it and don’t find it tiring ever. I will say I’ve heard some older moms say how tired they are. I am a bit older than other moms with kids my age. At 41 my kids are 3 and 5. I’m not old but when I go to their school most of the moms are about 35 or even younger. There is of course one or two about my age. And I had my kids before 40.
But the risk is still there if its their first or forth at increased age. I'm wanting to think there is less risk if it is not your first, but I may be wrong.

Everything is more tiring as you get older but it can also be said that kids keep you young. I had mine young and am now a grand. A couple of my long term co workers started their families later in life, late 30's early 40's. Their children are the same age or younger than my grands. Both had a set of twins. The oldest child of one couple is autistic (mildly). I dont know if its related to their age. My mom had her forth at age 40, with no issues, she had her first at 19 and two live births and one miscarriage in-between.

I can see advantages to both scenarios.
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Old 02-12-2020, 11:59 AM
 
1,959 posts, read 567,322 times
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You’re right there still is a risk even when it’s the first at an older age. I’m just saying I get the desire more if you have no kids vs you already have 2 or 3.

People say older people are more responsible and have more money and use that as an advantage. I’m not suggesting people have kids at 25 but it seems more logical to have them between the ages of 32 and 38 these days if you’re having them. Most people have money by this age.

If I could have had my kids younger I would have. I also feel that if I’d been older I’d have been scared as hell. Worrying how long it could take to conceive, what is there was a problem. People can have problems at any age but the odds increase as we age.

I don’t think 40 is an unheard of age to have a baby. Any older than that and it seems like playing with fire.
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Old 02-12-2020, 12:00 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
22,597 posts, read 24,262,813 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge781 View Post
And yes parenting can be tiring. Some women I suppose love it and don’t find it tiring ever. I will say I’ve heard some older moms say how tired they are. I am a bit older than other moms with kids my age. At 41 my kids are 3 and 5. I’m not old but when I go to their school most of the moms are about 35 or even younger. There is of course one or two about my age. And I had my kids before 40.
Parenting IS tiring. I just doubt that it is somehow more tiring for women.than for men. Unless of course the men in question aren't actually doing the parenting.
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Old 02-12-2020, 12:04 PM
 
1,959 posts, read 567,322 times
Reputation: 1505
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Parenting IS tiring. I just doubt that it is somehow more tiring for women.than for men. Unless of course the men in question aren't actually doing the parenting.
I think that does often happen. My uncle and cousin both married women quite a bit younger than them. The women stayed home and husbands were at work. They seem to have no involvement as far as the hard part of parenting goes. But they didn’t have to worry too much since they married women much less than 40.
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