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Old 02-12-2020, 02:25 PM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
24,605 posts, read 23,186,310 times
Reputation: 23302

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
My mom had her seventh a few months short of her 41st birthday. She had her first when she was 21. She had her tubes tied after the last one, though. Only one marriage/father, and you can tell that by looking at us. My father is gone, but his nose lives on.
After mom had my brother, her 4th and last at 40 and dad was 50 she made him get a vasectomy.
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Old 02-12-2020, 02:47 PM
 
4,950 posts, read 2,149,867 times
Reputation: 4926
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
Not sure why you're tying all this together.

If your children show responsibility and trustworthiness, you give them incremental amounts of more freedoms and autonomy.

If your children go off the right path, you can become a commando parent and try to get them back on track.

Sometimes it's impossible and you just try to keep them alive, out of jail and through school and hope they finally get it and become responsible adults.
Don't get me wrong. You have great advice but I was trying to see how the drug use and skipping out on school was being addressed. However, my position is that the OP should mind their own business except where they can be helpful. I was lucky enough to have people take an interest in me growing up, telling me what to do and what not to do. So maybe the OP can stop criticizing and start helping. Even going commando on a child doesn't always guarantee good choices.

Mightyqueen definitely makes a good point that the behavior of the first two children shouldn't not be blamed on the second husband coming into the picture.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
I don't see that this situation has anything to do with "freedom". If she was an ineffective mother or the kids just turned out screwed up for some other reason, that's a shame, but how exactly is having a child with the second husband in and of itself a factor in how the first two are behaving?
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Old 02-12-2020, 03:17 PM
 
Location: California
2,081 posts, read 675,493 times
Reputation: 4281
I will say that I’ve known many people that were and are the best parents ever and some of their kids are the rudest laziest dunces you’d ever meet. Then I know a couple single moms who work two jobs just to keep it together and their kids are great, polite and hard working. Go figure.
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Old 02-12-2020, 05:39 PM
 
Location: Seattle
1,690 posts, read 574,685 times
Reputation: 1877
That's kind of a situation where you hope and pray that you don't have twins!
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Old 02-12-2020, 07:07 PM
 
14,307 posts, read 5,903,511 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TinaTwo View Post
I will say that I’ve known many people that were and are the best parents ever and some of their kids are the rudest laziest dunces you’d ever meet. Then I know a couple single moms who work two jobs just to keep it together and their kids are great, polite and hard working. Go figure.
In retrospect, I'm guessing you don't find your bolded statement all that surprising. My guess is, a single mom who was able to hold down two jobs successfully to "keep it together" would likely turn out kids who noticed her work ethic and her pride, and carried that forward. If she was loving, and centered on her children, and not centered on herself and a passing male who she would invite to their home.

Maybe kids who had life too easy didn't experience that drive to make their lives a success?

I personally don't know anyone who were the "best parents ever" who turned out the rudest laziest dunces you'd ever meet. Teenagers, yes. I've seen the best parents turn out teenagers who were astray. But not 30 year olds, as much.

Obviously there are outliers, and there are kids who mentally ill. But "by and large", the parents who are the best parents tend to turn out kids who are successful, if they focus on the kids, in my observation.
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Old 02-13-2020, 08:45 AM
 
5,049 posts, read 3,359,866 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TinaTwo View Post
Where I live I constantly see women that are low income with tons of kids. Usually no man in sight.
Curious, how do you know they are low income? How do you know they're not babysitting other children? Where do you see them that you expect a man to be with them, instead of at work?
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Old 02-13-2020, 09:21 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
24,605 posts, read 23,186,310 times
Reputation: 23302
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
Curious, how do you know they are low income? How do you know they're not babysitting other children? Where do you see them that you expect a man to be with them, instead of at work?
Good question.
I remember seeing a young women with 6 kids in tow when I was grocery shopping and thought to myself OMG, just because I cant imagine taking that many small children shopping. She was talking to another woman and I overhead part of the convo. Yep, she was babysitting, only 2 of those kids were hers.
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Old 02-13-2020, 02:04 PM
 
9,470 posts, read 3,553,795 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
Curious, how do you know they are low income? How do you know they're not babysitting other children? Where do you see them that you expect a man to be with them, instead of at work?

This made me laugh! It made me remember a time when I was a young mother, and I was also babysitting my neighbor's 2 kids, and then the neighbor's friend's son. So...it was my 2 boys, my neighbor's 2 girls, and then another little boy. I lived in a pretty diverse neighborhood at the time, and all the children but my own were of Mexican descent.


I used to take all the kids to the park, or go to McDonald's once in awhile. It never occurred to me that people would look at us and make judgements about all the baby daddies. LOL
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Old 02-16-2020, 08:51 AM
 
Location: North Dakota
8,163 posts, read 9,824,646 times
Reputation: 12154
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
About the wanting to give the new man children: I have often seen, in low socioeconomic settings, young women who have already had 3,4,5 kids by age 21, often by multiple men, requesting tubal ligation, and being refused it by the OBGYN because, "As soon as she meets the next boyfriend, she's going to want to give him a child, and will regret having had the tubal ligation."

Of course, no one worked. Not the mom, not the "baby daddies", no one.
Don't you move knowing your tax dollars support low life's like that?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JenniferLB75 View Post
My friend had a troubled first marriage. Her kids were affected by it. She also was on her phone all the time and didn’t always pay attention to them. They were very badly behaved. After so many fights, and break ups she finally split with her husband and met and married a new man. She told me she couldn’t be married to this new guy and not give him a child so she got pregnant and had a new kid. This new child became their world and her other kids further neglected. Now her 2 children from her first marriage are teens and screwed up. Drugs, ditching school, stealing etc....people told her to not have the 3rd kid and now she doesn’t speak to them. Even her own parents who said it was a terrible idea. I kind of agree with them but won’t tell her that. Why do women think they have to give a man a child? Sometimes if isn’t always right. Sometimes it can be a bit selfish. Would it have been a better choice to give more attention to her 2 children?
It sounds like the best choice was for her not to have kids at all. She sounds very irresponsible.
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Old 02-16-2020, 09:04 AM
 
8,469 posts, read 12,460,083 times
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It has always been the prerogative of lower income persons to have more kids than those who are well of financially and stable.

Why? One of the great mysteries of life.
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