Having another child when you can’t control the ones you have? (teens, baby)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My friend had a troubled first marriage. Her kids were affected by it. She also was on her phone all the time and didn’t always pay attention to them. They were very badly behaved. After so many fights, and break ups she finally split with her husband and met and married a new man. She told me she couldn’t be married to this new guy and not give him a child so she got pregnant and had a new kid. This new child became their world and her other kids further neglected. Now her 2 children from her first marriage are teens and screwed up. Drugs, ditching school, stealing etc....people told her to not have the 3rd kid and now she doesn’t speak to them. Even her own parents who said it was a terrible idea. I kind of agree with them but won’t tell her that. Why do women think they have to give a man a child? Sometimes if isn’t always right. Sometimes it can be a bit selfish. Would it have been a better choice to give more attention to her 2 children?
My friend had a troubled first marriage. Her kids were affected by it. She also was on her phone all the time and didn’t always pay attention to them. They were very badly behaved. After so many fights, and break ups she finally split with her husband and met and married a new man. She told me she couldn’t be married to this new guy and not give him a child so she got pregnant and had a new kid. This new child became their world and her other kids further neglected. Now her 2 children from her first marriage are teens and screwed up. Drugs, ditching school, stealing etc....people told her to not have the 3rd kid and now she doesn’t speak to them. Even her own parents who said it was a terrible idea. I kind of agree with them but won’t tell her that. Why do women think they have to give a man a child? Sometimes if isn’t always right. Sometimes it can be a bit selfish. Would it have been a better choice to give more attention to her 2 children?
How do you know it wasn't his idea? Maybe having a child was important to him. And maybe he wasn't interested in parenting "someone else's kids". Of course it's sad. It sounds like she wasn't mature enough to have kids from the start.
About the wanting to give the new man children: I have often seen, in low socioeconomic settings, young women who have already had 3,4,5 kids by age 21, often by multiple men, requesting tubal ligation, and being refused it by the OBGYN because, "As soon as she meets the next boyfriend, she's going to want to give him a child, and will regret having had the tubal ligation."
Of course, no one worked. Not the mom, not the "baby daddies", no one.
Chances are this mother was not given the attention she needed from her own parents to be aware of the possibilities of different outcomes. She basically had to figure things out for herself and may be raising her children in the same manner. If her children ever want attention, they will have to 'figure' out how to get it.
Chances are this mother was not given the attention she needed from her own parents to be aware of the possibilities of different outcomes. She basically had to figure things out for herself and may be raising her children in the same manner. If her children ever want attention, they will have to 'figure' out how to get it.
I suspect this is more common than people think. Sadly.
Ultimately it's her body and her choice. How SHE parents is separate from how she chose to add another child into the family.
If the teens are as out of hand as you state....be part of the solution. Find ways to mentor. Otherwise your just sitting on the sidelines unkindly speaking of her choices.
As a parent and grandparent I have to admit that I did not have a great deal of influence on my children's behavior as teenagers and my parents didn't have a great deal of influence on my behavior in my late teens and early 20's. Most kids I knew drank and did drugs, some stole groceries they couldn't afford. We all turned out OK. Some of the kids that were spoiled and catered to the most by their parents turned out the worst.
It is always easier for people who don't have children themselves to look at those who do and point out what they should do or should have done.
The fact of the matter is that when you are a parent, there is no magic formula that ensures your kids will turn out one way or another.
Some of the very best parents still have teens that get into trouble, me included. Most grow out of it and turn out fine and become good parents themselves.
OP, hope your friend is very happy now with a good husband and baby. It's tough when you're in a bad marriage. Not sure how you knew she was always on her phone. Anyway, it's no one's business. They made the decision to have a child.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
