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Old 02-19-2020, 01:26 PM
 
1,534 posts, read 625,479 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
I recall there being talk in the 80's about a "double baby boom", when women in their 20's were having kids, but also, women in their 40's also were having kids. Apparently, that's when the "older mother" phenom started to catch on. Does anyone here remember that, and have anything to contribute about that?
As women enter perimenopause, cycles become unpredictable and many women think they are no longer fertile. That's why a lot of women have 'surprises' in their 40s.

 
Old 02-19-2020, 01:51 PM
 
8,578 posts, read 5,210,155 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge781 View Post
It’s fine that they wait until their 30s or early 40s but it gets harder to get pregnant on ones own often. There’s been a a huge surge in ivf. It just feels strange to me. I think people use ivf as a crutch.
This is true and actually is a problem for many women who decide for one reason or another to wait until they are in their late 30s or 40s before having a first child. The fact of the matter is that fertility does decline over time and many women who might have had no trouble in their 20s are unable to get pregnant naturally at 40+. Women should not take it for granted that they will easily get pregnant at any age before menopause just because their friend or neighbor had a surprise baby at 45.

But, nothing wrong with IVF if the would-be parents are willing to pay for it. Lots of younger people use IVF as well. Again, it's their problem, not yours--nothing for you to worry about.
 
Old 02-19-2020, 01:52 PM
 
Location: Richardson, TX
11,585 posts, read 18,345,230 times
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It’s really annoying when people try to couch their obvious judgement and disgust at older mothers with faux concern for the health of mother and baby. Tend your own garden and stop worrying so much about the families of others.
 
Old 02-19-2020, 04:14 PM
 
1,957 posts, read 567,322 times
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When I had my son at 35 there was a woman in the elevator who was over 60 and had just had twins. Her 40 yr old son was helping her. She didn’t speak a word of English. Just crazy.
 
Old 02-19-2020, 04:44 PM
 
8,578 posts, read 5,210,155 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge781 View Post
When I had my son at 35 there was a woman in the elevator who was over 60 and had just had twins. Her 40 yr old son was helping her. She didn’t speak a word of English. Just crazy.
OK, I'll go on the record as saying that is genuinely unsettling. There must be a reason nature doesn't allow women past menopause to have babies, and I can't believe it's good for women to take a lot of hormones etc. to get around that.

At least she had a family member of a more appropriate age to take the babies if something happened to her.
 
Old 02-19-2020, 06:17 PM
 
5,196 posts, read 2,853,548 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge781 View Post
It seems like people think the new normal is for women to start having kids in their 40s. Apparently they’re supposed to spend their 20s and 30s saving money and furthering their careers.

I get that sometimes having a baby happens later in life but it worries me that many women want to push off having kids.
I don't agree with this. While I think teen parenthood is bad and an indicator for poverty, there's been too much postponing of having kids. I am of the belief that having kids should be wrapped up by 35, both for males and females. It won't be a popular opinion. Even if there's a situation where a man is 40 and a woman is 30 when a first kid happens, the man will be pushing retirement age when the first kid finishes high school and college (if kid attends college). Subsequent kids would be even more likely to interfere with retirement planning. That's not an ideal situation, though for the woman in that scenario, it wouldn't be bad.

The generally bad mating environment that exists isn't helping fertility rates.
 
Old 02-19-2020, 06:36 PM
 
13,141 posts, read 6,177,609 times
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My mother had healthy twin boys in 1973 at the age of 42. They were planned and wanted. No problems except she didn't know there would be twins until halfway through the pregnancy. According to my mother, the doctor didn't treat her any differently because she was in her early 40s.
 
Old 02-19-2020, 06:41 PM
 
1,957 posts, read 567,322 times
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I agree that it should start getting wrapped up by 35. If you meet someone later maybe then you could try ivf or adopt but it is unsettling to me that women are having babies until 50 thanks to science. I also don’t think teens should be getting pregnant but it almost seems like 25 is too young for woman to get pregnant these days by many people’s standards. It seems like 30 has become the ideal age but I see most women having kids around 35.

My colleague is 34 and has 3 yr old and I was thinking oh that’s young! But really 31 is not young to have a baby. I was 35 and almost 37 when I had my kids and I was like the last of anyone I knew having a baby for the first time at 35. I’m 41 now and most people I know seem to be done. I’m in the Boston area so plenty of well educated folks around here. I just don’t see too many who are waiting until 40 but it does happen.
 
Old 02-19-2020, 06:45 PM
 
Location: interior Alaska
4,937 posts, read 3,698,333 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge781 View Post
When I had my son at 35 there was a woman in the elevator who was over 60 and had just had twins. Her 40 yr old son was helping her. She didn’t speak a word of English. Just crazy.
Did you ask random strangers in the elevator their ages?

It's a little odd for someone who had a kid at 35 to be super judgmental about people who are around 40 having kids. It's not like you were a spring chicken yourself, you know.
 
Old 02-19-2020, 07:02 PM
 
Location: New Yawk
9,198 posts, read 5,705,642 times
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IDK, people have to do what works for their situations, because what is ideal for one may not be ideal for another.

It’s funny, because my husband and I had our first child at 27, and in hindsight we both kind of wish we waited at least another 5 years (maybe even 10), because we saw how most of our friends waited a lot longer, got better established, and got to go on a lot more adventures before settling down. But it’s funny, because our friends that waited a lot longer and are now raising babies and toddlers in their mid-40s, low-key envy us for getting some freedom back with our kids being teens and preteens, and will be long since grown when we retire.
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