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Old 02-20-2020, 11:09 AM
 
12 posts, read 4,280 times
Reputation: 38

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Quote:
Originally Posted by historyfan View Post
I would want my daughter to have a phone for safety reasons. Period. So I would not have taken her phone.

With teens the reward system works. Tie allowance for personal spending to chores.IIf you're not paying an allowance, start.
I think it will be hard to motivate her with a $20 / week allowance when she can make a few hundred a week at Burger King ?
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Old 02-20-2020, 01:16 PM
 
1,732 posts, read 557,043 times
Reputation: 4101
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict View Post
I find this hard to believe. Most people deactivate any phones they aren’t using and limit who can activate any new/additional phones. Typically you have to know the last 4 of the SSN of the account holder to activate a different phone or go to the store and be authorized to get a new phone. Who would pay for a phone number they are not using?

You can’t just throw a phone in the garbage due to the battery- you have to take it to some place that does electronics recycling.
No SSN necessary, not even the name necessary- she could have a pay as you go phone-$3 per month is enough to maintain the number and send/ receive a few texts/calls when her main phone was taken away. Other ways are possible too-WiFi with a few apps.

I am kind of impressed that she has had a foresight to fish her old phone from the trash “just in case”.
I guess, she knows her parents pretty well.
You have to find a new way to punish her without taking her phone. (Maybe she could suggest one- I am sure you have to talk it over)
Or just say - glad you saved that phone- guess you don’t really need the new one- and make her use the old phone with the cracked screen- but I am afraid you may get murdered...?
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Old 02-20-2020, 01:50 PM
 
5,548 posts, read 6,982,134 times
Reputation: 11054
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
This is what often happens when teenagers don't like the rules their parents impose. They go underground.

It's not right; it's just an option that they sometimes go for because they're smart and stubborn. So it's time to stop treating this as if you're dealing with an 8-year-old and restricting Xbox access.

I would have a sit-down and talk about openness and honesty. Let her know that you don't appreciate her being devious about the other phone, and that you want to keep communication open.

Prepare her for life on her own once she graduates. Let her know that if she has a roommate and a landlord, she will have to be responsible for picking up after herself and chores etc. That starts at home.

Go over the chore expectations again, get her feedback, then tell her to dealbreakers. As a consequence for not doing chores, keep her at home on the weekend or restrict something else besides the phone.

A phone really isn't a toy for teens. It can be a school and work tool just like it is for you and me. Mine used to get their work schedules via group text from the manager, and teachers nowadays often have group texts as well. Not to mention calendars, etc.

I would treat this more the way you would with a tenant or roommate than you would with a child. You want to have her approach it more as an adult situation too, and lying and hiding stuff isn't that.
I always like BirdieBelle's responses. The bigger point is openness and honesty with people who care about you and want only the best for you. Teens don't seem to get that (even when we are wrong or don't handle things well) we are basically trying to prepare them for life.

So recommend you up your game to that level.
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Old 02-20-2020, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,462 posts, read 19,223,893 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OutdoorsExplorer View Post
I think it will be hard to motivate her with a $20 / week allowance when she can make a few hundred a week at Burger King ?
She makes "a few hundred a week"??? How many hours does she work?
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Old 02-20-2020, 03:04 PM
 
Location: North Texas
1,162 posts, read 301,483 times
Reputation: 2169
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict View Post
I find this hard to believe. Most people deactivate any phones they aren’t using and limit who can activate any new/additional phones. Typically you have to know the last 4 of the SSN of the account holder to activate a different phone or go to the store and be authorized to get a new phone. Who would pay for a phone number they are not using?

You can’t just throw a phone in the garbage due to the battery- you have to take it to some place that does electronics recycling.
I throw my phones in the trash. You don't have to take it anywhere
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Old 02-20-2020, 03:06 PM
 
Location: North Texas
1,162 posts, read 301,483 times
Reputation: 2169
Smart daughter. Already knows how to get a back up phone just in case.... She knows you too well OP
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Old 02-20-2020, 06:24 PM
 
8,426 posts, read 14,053,042 times
Reputation: 10970
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nik4me View Post
Or just say - glad you saved that phone- guess you don’t really need the new one- and make her use the old phone with the cracked screen- but I am afraid you may get murdered...?
Brilliant...

Do that for a few weeks and then give her the better one back...
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Old 02-20-2020, 06:42 PM
 
27,746 posts, read 19,614,515 times
Reputation: 48906
Quote:
Originally Posted by OutdoorsExplorer View Post
Who would make something like that up !?

Teenagers no longer need an actual plan. She uses "google hangouts" which works anywhere there is WiFi, you can video chat, call, and text with it.. no plan needed

Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, google hangouts, can all be used all day at home, school, Starbucks, anywhere there is wifi ..


And call me guilty for throwing a battery in the trash. It was an Apple, so the whole thing went in the trash.
It still has to be activated by a cell provider. You can’t do anything but call 911 otherwise.
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Old 02-20-2020, 06:43 PM
 
Location: Richardson, TX
11,592 posts, read 18,355,710 times
Reputation: 29928
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
It still has to be activated by a cell provider. You can’t do anything but call 911 otherwise.
Smartphones are pocket computers. You can do everything but make phone calls if you have WiFi available.
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Old 02-20-2020, 07:25 PM
 
1,618 posts, read 1,946,573 times
Reputation: 2171
Don't pay her an allowance, but pay her for specific work that she does around the house per your chore list for her. Tell her if she doesn't do the work, she doesn't get paid. Make it kind of easy, good, money at first to motivate and to help her get in the habit of doing it. Occasionally, when she starts to work on the chores, without saying anything, just jump in and start helping her with her work and do it side by side with her. Still pay her per the deal though. This is what I do with my son and when I need help on something else, he jumps in and helps. He also does other housework on his own that I don't ask him to do.
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