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Old 02-20-2020, 06:18 AM
 
12 posts, read 4,246 times
Reputation: 38

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Daughter is 16, works at Burger King, and has a cell phone and laptop she uses that we bought and paid for.

Once in a while, maybe once a month, twice a month, or less... she will get really bad on her chores, so we take away her phone for a day or two until the chores are done.

Last week we took her phone away.

Then found a secret 2nd phone in her room.

Is any punishment needed ? Should I let it go ?


She got the 2nd phone out of the trash, it was her old phone, screen was cracked really bad, so we threw it in the garbage 6 months ago and bought her a new one ..


She has had this phone for 6 months, never told us it still worked, or that she has it...
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Old 02-20-2020, 06:26 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,404 posts, read 46,693,254 times
Reputation: 94774
Quote:
Originally Posted by OutdoorsExplorer View Post
Daughter is 16, works at Burger King, and has a cell phone and laptop she uses that we bought and paid for.

Once in a while, maybe once a month, twice a month, or less... she will get really bad on her chores, so we take away her phone for a day or two until the chores are done.

Last week we took her phone away.

Then found a secret 2nd phone in her room.

Is any punishment needed ? Should I let it go ?


She got the 2nd phone out of the trash, it was her old phone, screen was cracked really bad, so we threw it in the garbage 6 months ago and bought her a new one ..


She has had this phone for 6 months, never told us it still worked, or that she has it...
This is what often happens when teenagers don't like the rules their parents impose. They go underground.

It's not right; it's just an option that they sometimes go for because they're smart and stubborn. So it's time to stop treating this as if you're dealing with an 8-year-old and restricting Xbox access.

I would have a sit-down and talk about openness and honesty. Let her know that you don't appreciate her being devious about the other phone, and that you want to keep communication open.

Prepare her for life on her own once she graduates. Let her know that if she has a roommate and a landlord, she will have to be responsible for picking up after herself and chores etc. That starts at home.

Go over the chore expectations again, get her feedback, then tell her to dealbreakers. As a consequence for not doing chores, keep her at home on the weekend or restrict something else besides the phone.

A phone really isn't a toy for teens. It can be a school and work tool just like it is for you and me. Mine used to get their work schedules via group text from the manager, and teachers nowadays often have group texts as well. Not to mention calendars, etc.

I would treat this more the way you would with a tenant or roommate than you would with a child. You want to have her approach it more as an adult situation too, and lying and hiding stuff isn't that.
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Old 02-20-2020, 06:55 AM
 
1,959 posts, read 567,322 times
Reputation: 1505
Things like this scare me. I don’t want my kids to have to hide things from me. I can already see my 5 yr old son doing something like this.
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Old 02-20-2020, 07:08 AM
 
5,627 posts, read 2,463,688 times
Reputation: 11023
I find this hard to believe. Most people deactivate any phones they aren’t using and limit who can activate any new/additional phones. Typically you have to know the last 4 of the SSN of the account holder to activate a different phone or go to the store and be authorized to get a new phone. Who would pay for a phone number they are not using?

You can’t just throw a phone in the garbage due to the battery- you have to take it to some place that does electronics recycling.
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Old 02-20-2020, 07:49 AM
 
12 posts, read 4,246 times
Reputation: 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict View Post
I find this hard to believe. Most people deactivate any phones they aren’t using and limit who can activate any new/additional phones. Typically you have to know the last 4 of the SSN of the account holder to activate a different phone or go to the store and be authorized to get a new phone. Who would pay for a phone number they are not using?

You can’t just throw a phone in the garbage due to the battery- you have to take it to some place that does electronics recycling.
Who would make something like that up !?

Teenagers no longer need an actual plan. She uses "google hangouts" which works anywhere there is WiFi, you can video chat, call, and text with it.. no plan needed

Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, google hangouts, can all be used all day at home, school, Starbucks, anywhere there is wifi ..


And call me guilty for throwing a battery in the trash. It was an Apple, so the whole thing went in the trash.
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Old 02-20-2020, 08:05 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,404 posts, read 46,693,254 times
Reputation: 94774
Quote:
Originally Posted by OutdoorsExplorer View Post

Who would make something like that up !?
Did she have a job at McDonald's before Burger King?
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Old 02-20-2020, 09:24 AM
 
5,049 posts, read 3,359,866 times
Reputation: 10268
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict View Post
I find this hard to believe. Most people deactivate any phones they aren’t using and limit who can activate any new/additional phones. Typically you have to know the last 4 of the SSN of the account holder to activate a different phone or go to the store and be authorized to get a new phone. Who would pay for a phone number they are not using?
.
I didn't realize it at first either, but if you have wifi, you can still use your old phones for just about anything except making regular phone calls. My daughter gets on Facebook and calls through that app.
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Old 02-20-2020, 10:35 AM
 
2,173 posts, read 1,067,689 times
Reputation: 4177
Quote:
Originally Posted by OutdoorsExplorer View Post
Daughter is 16, works at Burger King, and has a cell phone and laptop she uses that we bought and paid for.

Once in a while, maybe once a month, twice a month, or less... she will get really bad on her chores, so we take away her phone for a day or two until the chores are done.

Last week we took her phone away.

Then found a secret 2nd phone in her room.

Is any punishment needed ? Should I let it go ?


She got the 2nd phone out of the trash, it was her old phone, screen was cracked really bad, so we threw it in the garbage 6 months ago and bought her a new one ..


She has had this phone for 6 months, never told us it still worked, or that she has it...
Take the phone to Best Buy and drop it in the recycle bins. Punishment is needed here because she violated your punishment for not doing her chores. I wouldn't let it go because she was circumventing your punishment system. Kids no longer use phone to actually talk, they text, message, facechat and that can be done with anything that connects to the internet.
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Old 02-20-2020, 10:54 AM
 
5,316 posts, read 4,653,043 times
Reputation: 11633
I would want my daughter to have a phone for safety reasons. Period. So I would not have taken her phone.

With teens the reward system works. Tie allowance for personal spending to chores.IIf you're not paying an allowance, start.
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Old 02-20-2020, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Richardson, TX
11,586 posts, read 18,347,213 times
Reputation: 29906
You could change the WiFi password when you want to ground her, as well as taking the primary phone. I’m sure there’s better ways to approach this though...
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