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Old 02-25-2020, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Brackenwood
4,997 posts, read 1,943,107 times
Reputation: 10771

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
Can't you be both? Can't someone be a role model AND a friend? Can't one be an authority figure AND a friend?


Certainly friends can pass wisdom to each other, not just parents to their children.


Personally, I feel like I can be friends with my children (who are adults now) and STILL lend a guiding hand, a word of wisdom, etc. I can ALSO be a shoulder to cry on, and someone to share exciting news, or sad news, or ANY THING at all...if they want to.
Parents and children have a fundamentally different relationship than just "friends" even after children are long into adulthood. It's a different dynamic than a conventional peer friendship.
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Old 02-25-2020, 07:11 PM
 
Location: Greenville, SC
5,182 posts, read 4,148,319 times
Reputation: 9827
The four basic parenting styles are: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninivolved. Of these four:

Quote:
The authoritative approach to parenting has been shown to lead to the best outcomes in kids, including better emotional health, social skills, more resiliency, and more secure attachment with their parents.
Source: https://www.verywellfamily.com/types...styles-1095045
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Old 02-25-2020, 07:29 PM
 
Location: North Texas
1,162 posts, read 301,483 times
Reputation: 2169
I think this is the issue my sister has with her daughter. She had her young and still acts immature. Daughter doesn't respect mom whatsoever. Not surprised.
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Old 02-25-2020, 08:23 PM
 
1,095 posts, read 652,274 times
Reputation: 1505
Absolutely! Kids have not respect for the "friend" parent. Treat them just like a buddy where they are an equal and can do what they want. Don't think so!
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Old 02-25-2020, 10:38 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
11,575 posts, read 4,650,369 times
Reputation: 14654
I'm both and that's how it should be. I want my daughters to know that they can talk to me about anything and not be afraid. I have a fantastic relationship with my teen because of that and she literally talks to be about everything and anything. With that said, that doesn't mean she can do what ever she wants. She's fully aware that I'm not going to let her get away with anything she shouldn't be doing. Obviously my approach is working because she's an honor student, does charitable work, a cheerleader, in Choir and is taking H.S classes geared towards Engineering!
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Old 02-25-2020, 10:46 PM
 
Location: Tyler, TX, born + raised SF Bay
2,840 posts, read 1,226,910 times
Reputation: 2612
Friends? Not so much. Be open so that they can talk to you about sex, friends, any problems. But never let it be lost that as long as they are minors, you are the supreme arbiter, and that your word is gold. Kids need boundaries. Teach them what you will, but always make sure you have consistent boundaries which you enforce.
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Old 02-25-2020, 11:59 PM
 
Location: California
31,817 posts, read 35,113,243 times
Reputation: 27525
My daughter is grown and I swear she tells me things no mother wants to hear because she has no filter and maybe enjoys seeing my reactions!
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Old 02-26-2020, 01:36 AM
 
9,430 posts, read 11,504,130 times
Reputation: 10247
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vasily View Post
The four basic parenting styles are: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninivolved. Of these four:



Source: https://www.verywellfamily.com/types...styles-1095045
Yes. And it's not the easiest. Takes work, thought, involvement.
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Old 02-26-2020, 04:38 AM
 
1,328 posts, read 2,004,423 times
Reputation: 6349
Quote:
Originally Posted by CGab View Post
I'm both and that's how it should be. I want my daughters to know that they can talk to me about anything and not be afraid. I have a fantastic relationship with my teen because of that and she literally talks to be about everything and anything. With that said, that doesn't mean she can do what ever she wants. She's fully aware that I'm not going to let her get away with anything she shouldn't be doing. Obviously my approach is working because she's an honor student, does charitable work, a cheerleader, in Choir and is taking H.S classes geared towards Engineering!
Don’t break your arm patting yourself on the back. You’re deluding yourself if you think she has no secrets if you’re actually setting boundaries.
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Old 02-26-2020, 05:03 AM
 
Location: Caerbannog
2,446 posts, read 735,447 times
Reputation: 10365
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
Can't you be both? Can't someone be a role model AND a friend? Can't one be an authority figure AND a friend?
Yes.

Of course.

This one-or-the-other notion that a parent must retain an austere emotional distance is absurd. It's like someone is following a checklist for parenting, rather than understanding the dynamic that must be individually fashioned between two unique individuals. Parenting-by-numbers.

Ugh.
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