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JerZ, is this,what you meant about the bragging and weren't-we-cool attitude about early teen sex by some adults? I must admit it sounds extra strange coming from someone who works with vulnerable children.
Well, in a lot of ways, 18 IS the magic number. At 18, you can vote. At 18, you can join the military. At 18, you can enter into legal contracts. At 18, you're done with mandatory schooling.
Again...what 18 yr. old has NOT gotten the lecture about sex with underage girls?
I'm totally speculating, let me be clear, but I would BET that boy was warned to stay away from the daughter. Probably more than once.
And that's what I'm complaining about, Sassy. At 18, I don't feel that my politics were informed and sensible compared to 25, or later, and they weren't any more so at 18 than they were at 17.
My oldest is 19. He's never been "on his own" and despite efforts to teach him, has ignored many lessons on various life skills. It scared me, thinking how helpless he was in so many ways. He is only technically an adult. I had to sit next to him and watch him fill out paperwork for Job Corps, and I was resisting the urge to grab it and do it for him so hard my hands were twitching. Oh, I know, as his parent, it was my job, my job, my job, to make sure he knew everything he needed to know by 18, so he could step right out into the flow of adult traffic like merging smoothly onto the highway of life. Psh. I would love to know, where are the parents in this forum who have sent grown kids into the world, and did you do it feeling that they were totally competent adults, who totally have "got this" and are ready to shoulder the burdens of life? You weren't obsessing over whether the kid knows how to write a check or address an envelope, even though in the day of debit cards and email he might not have to?
Yeah, I know kids can join the military at 18. I was a military spouse and got to hear my ex complain about the enlisted soldiers he had responsibility for. They are KIDS.
My point is, what basis, exactly, biologically, does anyone have, any governing or rule-making body have, to say that 18, exactly 18, not 17 and not 19, but 18. 20 is right out! ...is the exact right time to flip that switch, to toss that teenager like a holy hand-grenade into the world?
There is more difference between a 20 year old and a 27 year old, but no one cares if they're dating. The difference that cost me half my life to a narcissist, was me at 18 and him at 29, and that was fine. But like 16-17 and 19-20? Oh, shocking. Sorry, I think that a 16 year old is more like an 18 year old, than an 18 year old is like a 29 year old.
I don't think cases like this are precisely what age of consent laws are designed for, but I think having a standard that's informed by what we believe consent is, and whether we believe that a typical X yr old can give consent, is a great idea. It can begin to look silly on paper, but I also support different kinds of penalties based on various age gaps. I would not consider an 18 yr old with a 15 yr old to be nearly as serious as a 28 yr old with a 15 yr old, or an 18 yr old with a 12 yr old.
I am fairly open when it comes to sexually.... And also a parent. I would be concerned if my daughter were younger than 16....
However!
There is no way I would feel comfortable of such a situation, assuming it was consentual, to ruin a kids future by having him do time and placed on a sex registry.
I don't think cases like this are precisely what age of consent laws are designed for, but I think having a standard that's informed by what we believe consent is, and whether we believe that a typical X yr old can give consent, is a great idea. It can begin to look silly on paper, but I also support different kinds of penalties based on various age gaps. I would not consider an 18 yr old with a 15 yr old to be nearly as serious as a 28 yr old with a 15 yr old, or an 18 yr old with a 12 yr old.
The whole thing is actually pretty silly. The age thing does not work that way. I believe my mother was 16 when she began dating my 26 year old father. However she was a sophomore in college. She may actually have been 15 when it all started...but no one but they know and both have departed. And I would point out anyone who knew that relationship had no doubt who was in charge.
Having been the often useful off stage male in the development of three of my own, a stray who stayed for eight years, and a dozen other regulars who used my earthy and RN wife for counsel I have more than a little knowledge of the feminine dynamic. I am not one, and never will be, but I did certainly learn how to stay out of the way of that steamroller.
This seem to be a case of parents not being A-OK with their 15 year old (or younger) daughter having sex with a HS senior. Some might say those are parents who are involved in their kid's life and setting some boundaries.
I thought we were supposed to look down on lazy, neglectful parents and out-of-control kids.
These are the consequences of breaking the rules.
Don't want your BF in jail? Don't want to go to jail? Be responsible about your own sexuality by either waiting, or letting your parents know the reality of your relationship. Old enough for sex = old enough for honesty.
This type of situation happened to my cousin. He had sex with the wrong girl, the parents retaliated. And he ended up going to jail. It had huge impacts on his life (it was 20 years ago, so before that speech was a thing)
This type of situation happened to my cousin. He had sex with the wrong girl, the parents retaliated. And he ended up going to jail. It had huge impacts on his life (it was 20 years ago, so before that speech was a thing)
Well, that's probably because it's against the law.
I don't care how many had this situation and it did "then out fine," lots of people drive drunk and never get killed but that's not great support for not having laws about that. Lots of kids know at age five not to answer the door to strangers but that's not sound reasoning for having laws about the age of a child being home alone. Lots of 12-year-old are mature enough to work in fast food.
There has to be a cutoff somewhere with rules involving minors. At 18 - the age of majority - they do know what those rules are. ignore them and deck the impressed freshman and maybe you they go to prison...all because the girl's parents are mean...oh well. It is the law. Anyone who thinks it is "a stupid law" does not, by far, speak for *all* young teens. Not by a longshot. Therefore it is what it is.
No, parents can't control everything but they will do what they can to prevent being forced to parent their grandchild born of their 14-year-old when they're tired and supposed to be allowed to slow down, or keeping their young child from believing "but you're my first" and getting an STD. If the girl or boy wantsto make these stupid decisions for themselves once they are legal adults, cool then. At *that* point it is on them.
Well, that's probably because it's against the law.
I don't care how many had this situation and it did "then out fine," lots of people drive drunk and never get killed but that's not great support for not having laws about that. Lots of kids know at age five not to answer the door to strangers but that's not sound reasoning for having laws about the age of a child being home alone. Lots of 12-year-old are mature enough to work in fast food.
There has to be a cutoff somewhere with rules involving minors. At 18 - the age of majority - they do know what those rules are. ignore them and deck the impressed freshman and maybe you they go to prison...all because the girl's parents are mean...oh well. It is the law. Anyone who thinks it is "a stupid law" does not, by far, speak for *all* young teens. Not by a longshot. Therefore it is what it is.
No, parents can't control everything but they will do what they can to prevent being forced to parent their grandchild born of their 14-year-old when they're tired and supposed to be allowed to slow down, or keeping their young child from believing "but you're my first" and getting an STD. If the girl or boy wantsto make these stupid decisions for themselves once they are legal adults, cool then. At *that* point it is on them.
If I recall correctly she was 15 and he was 18. I do think statutory rape laws are important, I do believe that there should be a little bit of leniency when dealing with students that can feasibly attend the same school. And judges should use jail sparingly for teens, particularly in statutory rape cases with out extenuating circumstances. We all know that suck laws are not enforced equally.
Also back then, this was pretty new territory. His parents would have warned him if they knew it was a thing to be concerned with. Now I think kids and parents are a lot more clear on these laws.
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