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Old 03-08-2020, 06:59 PM
 
8 posts, read 4,890 times
Reputation: 21

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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
1) I don't know if you have a custody agreement, and if so, if she is allowed to move. I would assume you don't and that she has 100% custody by default?

2) Have you ever been to Manhattan? It could be a dream come true for a young man - lucrative, and fun. Maybe you could take the job offered and look for something else in the meantime? It seems like pride is holding you back.

3) If you don't share custody, you could go to court for that and try to prohibit your ex-wife from moving (I suppose). But you would really have to want to live where you are now living . . . and it could be bad karma . . .

Good luck.

I've been to Manhattan before. I suppose you are correct that it's more of a pride thing in not wanting to work for this man. Who will be taking my two year old into his home and introducing him to his lifestyle.
This man has quite literally everything someone could dream of.


Will my son even want to hang out with me when he gets older? Especially when I won't be able to match or come remotely close to providing what they can. I guess that's kind of scary.

I don't plan to go into a legal battle over her going to live with her dream man. I won't stop that. Every other millionaire that she's dated was under 40. This is the first guy she's been with 50+ and she has told me that she really values his maturity and that she's never been treated so well by someone in her life. I won't impede that.

She wants everything to work out okay for all of us. Which is why she talked to him about me working with one of his companies to which he agreed to at least that. Plus whenever they want to go do things, or date nights, they have me in the same city to come and pickup my child or watch him. My ex-wife has no family in NY all in the DC area so this move will be tough for reasons like that. The guy however is a NY native.

Thanks for your input.
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Old 03-08-2020, 07:02 PM
 
8 posts, read 4,890 times
Reputation: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minethatbird View Post
Boy your Mom does have some wonderful persuasive talents. Have her call up your ex, and impress upon her the need for you two to re-marry.

My mom sure does haha. She was just telling me last week that kids need both parents in their lives and she's not forgiving me if I "abandon" my child to go home to Miami or take the job in Texas.



My mother feels that I should move any and everywhere that my ex-wife potentially moves to be near my son. I told her I don't think that's realistic. I said what if she moves from NYC or her and the man splits up. My mom said to "follow your kid"

She wants me to get my ish together so that eventually I can take custody of the child. (Years down the line.)
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Old 03-08-2020, 07:07 PM
 
8 posts, read 4,890 times
Reputation: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
1) Get an attorney who specializes in child custody and parental rights.

2) Stop listening to your mom. She's harming you psychologically. Move out ASAP. You can form a relationship with your child when he is older, but you need to do some work on yourself first.

3) Go wherever you can find the best opportunity to earn, except Miami because it sounds like it's a culture that would not be good for you.

4) Take advantage of the VA benefits and get some counseling immediately so you can understand why you need to never again dip your wick into a pool that shallow.

Definitely. I 100% can't disagree there.

To point number 3 that's what my thought process is with Texas.

4. I definitely see my counselor once a month for the PTSD. I will be honest. Even though I was happy our relationship ended. I do miss being in the same home with my son. I feel like in a way divorce can rob one of the parents from really watching the child grow up. The little things. I've enjoyed watching him figure things out for the first 1.5 years of his life. It was magical and that adds a bit to some of the depression I already deal with from my time in the service.

Thanks for responding it's greatly appreciated.
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Old 03-08-2020, 07:17 PM
 
8 posts, read 4,890 times
Reputation: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by mollycatherine View Post
This post could have been a lot shorter if you had spared us the bragging about how you banged a hot chick who's popular on Instagram.


Have you looked for jobs in the northeast? If a company in Texas is willing to pay you 3x what you're currently making in DC (hmm), there's probably someone within a few hours of NYC who will hire you. Even if you're in Massachusetts or Pennsylvania, it will be much easier to share custody of your son than if you're in Texas or Florida.

If you don't have one already, you need a legal custody agreement.

Apologies, I totally didn't want it to come off like that but added the part for understanding of where I was coming from and why I did what I did. (Like going without protection) I'd never done things like that prior to meeting her as I'm not completely crazy. Just caught in the moment I guess.

To your other points the job in Texas is in oil and gas. So it'll be mostly manual labor. I had a few people out there and in North Dakota that I know who are making out great 100-150k without degrees. But are sacrificing our bodies.

I have a pending job offer from the company out there. I would work 14/14/ or 28/28 schedule.

My skillset in NYC without working for her man would likely lead me to the same capital I'm making in DC. I joined the military to get my GI Bill to pay for school. Which I do have and I can still utilize.

If I go to school they will pay for school and If I do school in NYC they pay me roughly $3500 a month to be a full time student. I just don't think $3500/mo is going to cut it up there. Unless I go up and get roomates which is an option and also get a job.

But that means I'd pretty much never see my kid even in the same city If I'm doing BOTH full time work and full time student. So her having me come to NYC so that she isn't raising him "on her own" wouldn't really work. I'd be so busy between the two as I'm sure those of you who did both full time class and with a full time job while in school know very well.
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Old 03-08-2020, 07:19 PM
 
16,600 posts, read 18,969,961 times
Reputation: 16549
Quote:
Originally Posted by 305Mike305 View Post
Apologies, I totally didn't want it to come off like that but added the part for understanding of where I was coming from and why I did what I did. (Like going without protection) I'd never done things like that prior to meeting her as I'm not completely crazy. Just caught in the moment I guess.

To your other points the job in Texas is in oil and gas. So it'll be mostly manual labor. I had a few people out there and in North Dakota that I know who are making out great 100-150k without degrees. But are sacrificing our bodies.

I have a pending job offer from the company out there. I would work 14/14/ or 28/28 schedule.

My skillset in NYC without working for her man would likely lead me to the same capital I'm making in DC. I joined the military to get my GI Bill to pay for school. Which I do have and I can still utilize.

If I go to school they will pay for school and If I do school in NYC they pay me roughly $3500 a month to be a full time student. I just don't think $3500/mo is going to cut it up there. Unless I go up and get roomates which is an option and also get a job.

But that means I'd pretty much never see my kid even in the same city If I'm doing BOTH full time work and full time student. So her having me come to NYC so that she isn't raising him "on her own" wouldn't really work. I'd be so busy between the two as I'm sure those of you who did both full time class and with a full time job while in school know very well.
The oil market is tanking at the moment, so I would not take a job in Texas in oil and gas.
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Old 03-08-2020, 08:31 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,491 posts, read 46,750,230 times
Reputation: 94914
Quote:
Originally Posted by 305Mike305 View Post

Even though I was happy our relationship ended. I do miss being in the same home with my son. I feel like in a way divorce can rob one of the parents from really watching the child grow up. The little things.
It does.

You really just have to decide which sacrifice you're going to make that will be best for your child.

If you work for your ex's new whatever he is, you run the risk of being viewed more or less as a hired hand or babysitter. If you can find a way to work elsewhere and live in the area, not necessarily in Manhattan but somewhere you can tolerate, then you won't have to worry about being a deadbeat or missing out on your baby's life.

FTR, the attorney is just to educate you on your rights so you DO have some say in your situation. Just because you're getting along now doesn't mean that will always be the case. Do some soul-searching about letting go of some of your supposed dealbreakers for the good of your son.
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Old 03-09-2020, 02:20 AM
 
7,824 posts, read 3,772,319 times
Reputation: 20553
1: consult an attorney.
2: get a paternity test.
3: if discovered you are not the bio dad, move along.
4: if discovered you are the bio dad, proceed to formal custody terms , support and visitation.
5: the courts will decide if either parent can leave the area.
6: your many kinds of naive ..deadbeat isn't one of them.
7: How is she the more sensible and productive parent here?
You are way to quick to surrender your fatherly duties....
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Old 03-09-2020, 07:29 AM
 
Location: Pikeville, Ky.
13,619 posts, read 22,275,854 times
Reputation: 18412
Moderator cut: warning
Numerous posts have been deleted due to arguing an off topic sidebar. Strongly suggest those type posts stop.
__________________
Moderator of:
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Parenting and sub forums
Dayton, Akron-Canton in Ohio
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Old 03-09-2020, 10:30 AM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
6,886 posts, read 4,306,506 times
Reputation: 19142
Quote:
Originally Posted by 305Mike305 View Post
I don't plan to go into a legal battle over her going to live with her dream man. I won't stop that. Every other millionaire that she's dated was under 40. This is the first guy she's been with 50+ and she has told me that she really values his maturity and that she's never been treated so well by someone in her life. I won't impede that.
You are breathtakingly naive if you think that your ex-wife will live happily ever after with this guy. She will dump him when he stops writing the checks, or he will dump her when the first wrinkle appears on her face.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 305Mike305 View Post
My mother feels that I should move any and everywhere that my ex-wife potentially moves to be near my son. I told her I don't think that's realistic. I said what if she moves from NYC or her and the man splits up. My mom said to "follow your kid"
Not that I necessarily disagree with this view, but why is it so one-sided? Why do you have to pick up and move whenever your ex finds a bigger sugar daddy, but she doesn't have to pick up and move when you find a better opportunity?

OP, you are in serious need of an attorney who specializes in custody cases.
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Old 03-09-2020, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
6,886 posts, read 4,306,506 times
Reputation: 19142
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
4) Take advantage of the VA benefits and get some counseling immediately so you can understand why you need to never again dip your wick into a pool that shallow.


And an extra for how you phrased that last part!
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