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Old 03-10-2020, 09:33 AM
 
5,173 posts, read 4,464,209 times
Reputation: 14882

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A deadbeat dad is a man who evades paying child support.

If what you say is true, your son's material needs are being met currently. I would do what YOU want to do, for yourself, and for your own career. If you can do it in NYC, in order to see your son on a regular basis, then do it. I wouldn't take the job from your ex's new husband, because then you'd be dependent upon him and under his thumb. I would move to NY state, to an area that's not too expensive to live in (which means it's gonna be either a bad neighborhood, or two hours commute to NYC), and find a job to establish residency in state. Then I'd use the GI bill to go back to school for something you want to study, or become. Try to think practically, like maybe the trades? Something where you'll be able to earn a decent living for yourself, and make a good life for yourself. Meanwhile, you'd be able to have your son visit you and you visit him, a lot more easily than if you were anywhere else you've mentioned. Luckily, it doesn't sound as if she's expecting child support.

If you live far from your son, you will not have a relationship with him, especially because he's so young.
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Old 03-10-2020, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Madison, NJ
257 posts, read 99,691 times
Reputation: 454
Do you have a custody agreement in place? Is she legally allowed to move the child out of state? She is not moving for her job, nor is she getting married to this new man, unless you left that out, she is apparently moving away from family. You need a lawyer.
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Old 03-10-2020, 12:43 PM
 
7,799 posts, read 3,758,747 times
Reputation: 20485
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
His ex isn't remarried yet.

His job choice IS relevant because he's making decisions based mostly on that.
Should have allowed your post #4 be your shining moment. Even that encapsulated the ops multiple concerns. Not just zooming in on the job being the sole factor whether he sees himself as a deadbeat. (He's words,not mine).
OP- Any consideration in getting legal counsel?
What is the age difference of you and this female? Just realized you mentioned retired military...
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Old 03-10-2020, 02:32 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,404 posts, read 46,693,254 times
Reputation: 94774
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Should have allowed your post #4 be your shining moment. Even that encapsulated the ops multiple concerns. Not just zooming in on the job being the sole factor whether he sees himself as a deadbeat. (He's words,not mine).
OP- Any consideration in getting legal counsel?
What is the age difference of you and this female? Just realized you mentioned retired military...
I don’t need a “shining moment.” What are you even taking about?

His being employable is one of the keys to NOT being a deadbeat.
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Old 03-10-2020, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
10,697 posts, read 9,381,719 times
Reputation: 23708
You married the Instagram model.

You two deserve each other. She can't stop talking about money and you can't stop talking about her looks.

No condom? Stupid.
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Old 03-10-2020, 08:36 PM
 
7,484 posts, read 5,936,171 times
Reputation: 15936
You are not a deadbeat dad. If you are medically retired, you are still getting a check from the feds, so anything you make will be a bonus.

Lots of dads live far away from their kids and make the most of summer visits etc.

The baby momma is a little loony.
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Old 03-10-2020, 08:37 PM
 
7,484 posts, read 5,936,171 times
Reputation: 15936
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Should have allowed your post #4 be your shining moment. Even that encapsulated the ops multiple concerns. Not just zooming in on the job being the sole factor whether he sees himself as a deadbeat. (He's words,not mine).
OP- Any consideration in getting legal counsel?
What is the age difference of you and this female? Just realized you mentioned retired military...
medically retired - so can be fairly young
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Old 03-10-2020, 08:39 PM
 
7,484 posts, read 5,936,171 times
Reputation: 15936
Quote:
Originally Posted by pkbab5 View Post
Here's what the smart person does:

Take the job offered by ex's new boyfriend, but only temporarily. It's a huge break for you - getting paid a terrific salary for doing nothing. Go collect your "salary", and use it to fund yourself while you go to school and get a skill that's worth that salary. View it as your ex paying for your education. Then, when you finish your schooling, you can get another job, a legit job, using your new skills. PLUS (and this is the best part), you will be able to command a much higher salary than you otherwise would be able to, because you are currently employed at a great salary.

After a few years, you have a degree, a legit skill, and a good paying job that you got yourself. And a relationship with your child. All you gotta do now is dig in and put the work in. You're ex-military, so I know you can do that.

Good luck!
i like this
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Old 03-10-2020, 08:55 PM
 
12,380 posts, read 9,446,016 times
Reputation: 22821
I'd be trying my heart out to get custody. I wouldn't want my kid in that situation.

Paternity tests can be purchased at the drug store.

My pride would not let me work for the moron who won't shake my hand.

For all anyone knows, he's a human trafficker. Sorta fits the scenario.

GET. THAT. BABY.
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Old 03-10-2020, 09:50 PM
 
2,320 posts, read 721,754 times
Reputation: 6196
I kind of wonder if her aim in getting OP to move close is to then foist the kid off on him. I can't imagine she hooked up with a sugar daddy who wants some hot, popular chick who comes with baggage like a kid. (Unless he thinks they're going to hire a full-time nanny which means they'll rarely see the kid, and meanwhile he'll get "good guy" points for being a "stepdaddy".)

Anyway, OP, no, don't ruin your life any further than you already have. You keep compounding your error at every turn by digging yourself in deeper and deeper with this woman. Now it's time to start living the life you want to.
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