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The Story I'm 27 years old, I got out of the military, with PTSD but lived and worked in the entertainment industry in my hometown of Miami. I wasn't making much money (about 70k annual) but I had my own two bedroom apartment, vehicle, and was able to support myself just fine down there. I met the woman of my dreams (physically) one night and we were able to hit it off. Had like the perfect little love story going. I actually knocked up a woman who was/is very popular. Has 100k + followers makes money with her instagram influencing prowess and she's gorgeous. Like probably less than 1% of the worlds women look like her. I was thinking with the wrong head admittedly when I was 24. I never had a girl like her so I took my chances without a condom and she winded up pregnant two months after we have known each other.
At first she didn't want to keep our son, but she was telling me doctors told her she would never get pregnant. So she decided to keep our son. When she found out I didn't make as much money as men she was used to dating........she got scared. She told me literally every man she dated from the time she was 16 was rich and that I'm the brokest man she's ever dated in her life. She starts complaining about my car not being a Rolls Royce, Ferrari, or a Lambo. She complains about me not buying her the most expensive gifts. She complains about me not having a luxury condo or mansion like her exes. Literally EVERYTHING became a comparison to her exes.
I get her pregnant in December 2016 (two weeks after meeting) she doesn't have health insurance at the time (she was young and healthy) and I'm retired military (with PTSD) she says we need to get married and put the baby under tricare. Because she doesn't have it. So we just go to court in January 2017 get married and now she can start seeing doctors and stuff for treatment! (I know a mistake getting married) But again I was so mesmerized by this woman. It was like my first "celebrity" type of girl and she was drop dead gorgeous. But I started to see quickly that things wouldn't last with her always being unhappy with the way we were living in Miami.
She happens to be from Washington DC AREA. So she starts saying she wants to be closer to family. All of my life, and business, and friends are in Miami. But my mom just happened to move to the DC area in 2012. So we pack our stuff and move.
We find a nice big house in the suburbs for our baby boy to be born and he was in August 2017. I quit my job in Florida and find work in DC in sales for about 40k per year. She was miserable and unhappy with the fact that I wasn't making 100s of thousands per week like her other men. I tried to make her happy. I knew she always wanted to go to the islands. So I got her a surprise cruise for her and her mother to go together. I bought the cruise and flights for both her and her mom.
I left her a envelope with about $4000 for spending money on their trip. (Money I had saved over the years) she opened the envelope and said "that's it" and began to cry real tears. I was confused and kind of hurt about why nothing I do could make her happy.
We stayed like this until DEC 2018. I came home from work one day. Our baby was 1 years old. and she said "YOU ARE NOT MY HUSBAND I WANT A DIVORCE, SOMEONE LIKE ME DESERVES A BETTER LIFE THAN THIS"
So we got divorced. She's a very popular and gorgeous woman and 99% of the worlds men want to date her so I knew she wouldn't have a problem dating. I mean even when we were married she would show me "DMs" from popular athletes, actors, entertainers, and businessmen who would message her all the time. Telling me how lucky I am to be with a girl like her because girls like her don't date regular men.
We've be co-parenting very well. Literally have had 0 fights or arguments since we got divorced.
So she starts dating 3 months after we divorce in 2019. We are both 27 years old and we have two year old son. She finds another VERY rich man and now she's happy again. This guy is in his mid 50s. I'm glad that she's happy and living her life however,
The Problem
When we got divorced she kicked me out of our home immediately. (I didn't fight her about it) I went to my moms house who is also local. I left a better job in Miami just for this woman to be closer to her family and happy. I was/am miserable away from my own family, friends, and being a outsider. I make less money up here and it's quite a bit more expensive than Miami. I have a opportunity to work a job in Texas paying 120k per year.
My ex-wife has now stated that she's going to be moving with her new man to his Manhattan penthouse. He owns some very large companies and spends religiously on her. She loves it and the age difference isn't a problem for her. (She only cares about how well she is living. She introduced me to him so I would know who is going to be around our son. He refused to shake my hand.)
"He doesn't do handshakes with people not on his level" he tells me.
My ex-wife tells me that he can just employ me at one of his companies and pay me money that I don't deserve (100k+ plus just because it's NYC ) and I can be in the same city as my son.
I really don't want to go to NYC. I'd rather take the job in Texas for 120k or go back home to Miami where MY family is and start over again. (I especially don't want to be seen like "the help" to my ex-wifes new lover)
My mom is telling me if I live anywhere else than near my kid that I'm being a deadbeat dad and that I don't want to be involved in his life. Which isn't true. I do want to be and have been involved in my sons life but the opportunities I have to go to Texas at that salary and the Texas cost of living being so low I would come out ahead.
My mom keeps telling me she doesn't care if I have to bag groceries in NYC or work at Mcdonalds that I need to be wherever my ex-wife moves so that I'm near my child. Because a real man takes care of his responsibilities no matter what.
Solution
I'm hoping for a solution here. I still don't make much now. So I guess the question I'm asking is how do I avoid becoming a deadbeat.
Am I deadbeat if I take the opportunity to work in Texas?
Am I a deadbeat if I go home to Miami in my comfort zone and environment?
I'm in the DC AREA now and HATE IT I'm just not a fit for this area.
Should I take the job offer from my ex-wifes new millionaire boyfriend?
Because I served in the military I also have the option to use my GI BILL and go back to school......maybe in NYC to be around me son? (They don't pay a lot to live in NYC though. )
I'm beyond stressed out here guys. My mom isn't going to continue to let me stay with her. Even though I have since my ex put me out in December of 2018. She said I need to start looking for my own way now. But when I turned 18 I joined the military. She's never had to look out for after 18 until this past year when my ex-wife put me out. I'm very stressed.
My ex-wife and I literally have the best co-parenting relationship. She wants it to stay that way. I do to. But I know If I don't move to NYC or stay near where my ex-wife and son will be she will lose it and flip out. She's been dating this man for a year now. So I know they are serious. But I feel like I can't live my life based around what she is doing with hers.
1) I don't know if you have a custody agreement, and if so, if she is allowed to move. I would assume you don't and that she has 100% custody by default?
2) Have you ever been to Manhattan? It could be a dream come true for a young man - lucrative, and fun. Maybe you could take the job offered and look for something else in the meantime? It seems like pride is holding you back.
3) If you don't share custody, you could go to court for that and try to prohibit your ex-wife from moving (I suppose). But you would really have to want to live where you are now living . . . and it could be bad karma . . .
1) Get an attorney who specializes in child custody and parental rights.
2) Stop listening to your mom. She's harming you psychologically. Move out ASAP. You can form a relationship with your child when he is older, but you need to do some work on yourself first.
3) Go wherever you can find the best opportunity to earn, except Miami because it sounds like it's a culture that would not be good for you.
4) Take advantage of the VA benefits and get some counseling immediately so you can understand why you need to never again dip your wick into a pool that shallow.
1) Get an attorney who specializes in child custody and parental rights.
2) Stop listening to your mom. She's harming you psychologically. Move out ASAP. You can form a relationship with your child when he is older, but you need to do some work on yourself first.
3) Go wherever you can find the best opportunity to earn, except Miami because it sounds like it's a culture that would not be good for you.
4) Take advantage of the VA benefits and get some counseling immediately so you can understand why you need to never again dip your wick into a pool that shallow.
Lol, perfect
Especially#4
Birdie your advice is always spot on
OP, what a story!
Forgive but it must be asked:
Are you 100% certain the baby is yours?
She fell pregnant two weeks after you began dating? Really? Quite coincidental that.
The job in Texas seems like the best opportunity. It might not be a fit but it will get you away from your mother and the pay is good.
NYC is tempting but who would want to work for someone who won't shake hands with people not on his "level"? Creepy
After what you have been through now is the time to keep to the straight and narrow, nose to the grindstone. Give your job your all, work on your savings.
Stay in touch with your son in every way possible, including trips to visit him, child support, Skype calls, little gifts, etc.
This post could have been a lot shorter if you had spared us the bragging about how you banged a hot chick who's popular on Instagram.
Have you looked for jobs in the northeast? If a company in Texas is willing to pay you 3x what you're currently making in DC (hmm), there's probably someone within a few hours of NYC who will hire you. Even if you're in Massachusetts or Pennsylvania, it will be much easier to share custody of your son than if you're in Texas or Florida.
If you don't have one already, you need a legal custody agreement.
Thanks for the replies for those who actually responded. I read city-data more than I posts clearly. I'm just pretty stressed out and trying to figure out my next course of action for my life.
It 100% is the real story of my life right now. But I'm not exactly wanting to have the label as a "deadbeat" by moving back home to Miami or taking the opportunities presented to me in Texas. I'm not a fan of the Washington DC Area, where I am living with my mom now.
As for custody we have joint 50-50 custody. My son is living with her currently. I'm not going to fight her to go and be with the love of her life.
She said she spoke with him and he's willing to give me a BS job at one of his companies to appease her and make the transition easy for everyone involved. Again myself and my ex-wife do not have a bad relationship. We have a great relationship and we've never argued once since our divorce. I think we are both happy. I finally got rid of the most negative person I had ever met in my life and she is back to living how she was before she met me. Win-Win equally for both of us.
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