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Old 03-20-2020, 12:48 AM
 
7,799 posts, read 3,758,747 times
Reputation: 20485

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OP- yes those moments may not be the standard when your child says...Hey! Remember the year we didn't get to have XYZ to end our year? What a tale to share with family! They can say, yup! I was in that small group that has a different story to tell.....and tell as a survivor.

Im dearly understanding of those step stone moments we as parents cherish .

I refuse to live in ignorance though that "No child" died from this, Go tell that to the parents in China and other countries. Our american Blood doesnt make us unique. As humans we are each prone to this infection.

Yes in the grand scheme of things re-prioritizing is the blessing here. I cannot imagine the kids are fully aware of how important it is to remain well. They naturally take for granted that they will live forever. Their perspective of what they hold dear is age appropriate. I wouldn't want them to be anything other then kids with kid joys and friendships to garner.

 
Old 03-20-2020, 02:19 AM
 
8,726 posts, read 4,688,947 times
Reputation: 18730
Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post
I am also at work and just found out that Gov Cuomo in NY has decided that construction is more important than families and thus I am deemed essential personnel even though I very much am not. My husband is working remotely somewhat and dragging our 6 year old to meetings. I am homeschooling between 4 pm and 6 pm and the rest of the time he just wanders around the house or sits in the car. Its not a normal existence for a 6 year old. This isnt sustainable
The Governor has done no such thing. He has made the only sensible decision to close the schools and apparently you are working on a project that is deemed necessary and will keep people like yourself employed. If there is a choice between family and construction that is your decision to make.
 
Old 03-20-2020, 05:23 AM
Status: "The ministers cat is an exhausted cat" (set 17 days ago)
 
Location: NJ
1,051 posts, read 359,711 times
Reputation: 3598
Quote:
Originally Posted by kokonutty View Post
The Governor has done no such thing. He has made the only sensible decision to close the schools and apparently you are working on a project that is deemed necessary and will keep people like yourself employed. If there is a choice between family and construction that is your decision to make.
Excuse me??? Governor Cuomo ordered that all industries that are not considered essential are required to reduce to 25% and everyone else is to work from home. I am currently engineering a high rise, not a hospital or a school, a high rise office building and weve been told that construction has been considered Essential by governor cuomo because he caved to the pressure from the trades. And further, even though I COULD work from home they arent letting us do that because the governor has told them we dont have too. So yes he has decided that construction is more important that families and quarantine. And until my job closes or sends me home, I have to continue to work because if i dont we wont be able to pay our bills and as of now noone has told me i wont have bills.
 
Old 03-20-2020, 05:46 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,404 posts, read 46,693,254 times
Reputation: 94774
Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post

This is our famine. Our depression. Our great war. etc.
I was with you until you wrote this ^^^.

We aren't even close to that point yet. It's been going on a couple of months, and the "distancing" has barely started.

You're reacting to a major disruption, yes, and the uncertainty about when it will end is unsettling and causes major anxiety, yes. And you ARE absolutely allowed to mourn that.

But keep some perspective.

It's starting to read like YOU are feeling stressed about taking on the school role in an already busy life, which is understandable, with a husband who doesn't contribute as much as you'd like. If he's ignoring your son while he "works remotely" then you two need to figure something out.

It's NOT healthy for kids to have the mindset that "school is life," and I would take this time to reset your own expectations and recalibrate mentally so that family is his framework. He's only in kindergarten - just getting started.

Last edited by BirdieBelle; 03-20-2020 at 05:57 AM..
 
Old 03-20-2020, 05:56 AM
Status: "The ministers cat is an exhausted cat" (set 17 days ago)
 
Location: NJ
1,051 posts, read 359,711 times
Reputation: 3598
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
I was with you until you wrote this ^^^.

We aren't even close to that point yet. It's been going on a couple of months, and the "distancing" has barely started.

You're reacting to a major disruption, yes, and the uncertainty about when it will end is unsettling and causes major anxiety, yes. And you ARE absolutely allowed to mourn that.

But keep some perspective.

It's starting to read like YOU are feeling stressed about taking on the school role in an already busy life, which is understandable, with a husband who doesn't contribute as much as you'd like.

It's NOT healthy for kids to have the mindset that "school is life," and I would take this time to reset your own expectations and recalibrate mentally so that family is his framework. He's only in kindergarten - just getting started.
I meant that in perspective of the people saying "kids from previous generations did this or that" Obviously they did have worse situations but in a country that has not experienced a true great depression in 100 years a true pandemic in 100 years a true "great war" in 70 years, this is the only version of it 90% of people have ever seen. And saying of well kids were resilient through the Spanish influenza in 1918 or the great depression doesnt diminish that fact that child today lives have been turned upside down and even we as adults dont have a standard by which to measure what is happening. There are varying degrees of hysteria between no toilet paper and the man on tv saying this could last for 18 month to the people who deny it even exists and children dont understand really any of it. For them this is a devastating event. And depending on how long this goes on it could be a catastrophe for the adults too. Not just a health event but the economic repercussions too.
 
Old 03-20-2020, 06:01 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,404 posts, read 46,693,254 times
Reputation: 94774
Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post

For them this is a devastating event.
So if your son is already devastated on Day 3 or 4, how is he going to last? That is what you need to figure out.

If your husband is leaving your son to fend for himself and wander the house for hours while he "works remotely," that's a problem. That's the immediate issue to resolve.

The rest will sort itself out if you have the proper outlook. Your anxiety DOES translate whether or not you vocalize it.
 
Old 03-20-2020, 06:17 AM
Status: "The ministers cat is an exhausted cat" (set 17 days ago)
 
Location: NJ
1,051 posts, read 359,711 times
Reputation: 3598
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
So if your son is already devastated on Day 3 or 4, how is he going to last? That is what you need to figure out.

If your husband is leaving your son to fend for himself and wander the house for hours while he "works remotely," that's a problem. That's the immediate issue to resolve.

The rest will sort itself out if you have the proper outlook. Your anxiety DOES translate whether or not you vocalize it.
He hasnt even seen much of me to be honest. Im at work. Hes not devastated yet but if it keeps going on and on this is an issue. A necessary step but it still causes problems. And despite the governor of NJ assuring everyone on TV that the daycares are to remain open to ensure that essential workers can continue to work, our daycare closed the same day the school did.

Hes not fending for himself, my husband is feeding and clothing him, hes just not planning and executing extra activities to fill the day. He has phone meeting and such to do all day because the construction trades are still chugging along in NYC and he has to try and run the entire department from our office. While also wrangling an errant 6 year old. Who is bored and grumpy. I think our household like a lot of households is in disarray and a little overwhelmed right now
 
Old 03-20-2020, 06:25 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,404 posts, read 46,693,254 times
Reputation: 94774
Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post

I think our household like a lot of households is in disarray and a little overwhelmed right now
Finally, the most accurate and realistic sentence in this thread.

Childcare has always been precarious for American parents. It doesn't take much to disrupt a carefully planned setup, which is why so many parents are SO relieved when their kids are old enough to start "real school," and why so many parents freak out when school is disrupted.

Flexibility is going to have to be the key with you and your husband. I think a painful but honest conversation with him is in order because even I know that no phone meeting lasts all day. He has to give a little, too, and maybe you can work something out to work some hours remotely.

It's an evolving situation, which only adds to the stress. But we all have to evolve with it.
 
Old 03-20-2020, 06:38 AM
Status: "The ministers cat is an exhausted cat" (set 17 days ago)
 
Location: NJ
1,051 posts, read 359,711 times
Reputation: 3598
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Finally, the most accurate and realistic sentence in this thread.

Childcare has always been precarious for American parents. It doesn't take much to disrupt a carefully planned setup, which is why so many parents are SO relieved when their kids are old enough to start "real school," and why so many parents freak out when school is disrupted.

Flexibility is going to have to be the key with you and your husband. I think a painful but honest conversation with him is in order because even I know that no phone meeting lasts all day. He has to give a little, too, and maybe you can work something out to work some hours remotely.

It's an evolving situation, which only adds to the stress. But we all have to evolve with it.
Well obviously a meeting doesn't last all day. Its only the first week of this and therefore everyone needs to teleconference multiple times a day to get the logistics worked out. Im sure next week will be at least a little calmer. I cant work from home. My boss says we come to work until either the state or the city tells us not too in which case ill be filing for unemployment until we get to the other side.

The childcare thing is very frustrating. We had multiple layers of plans for childcare none of which could be sustained in a pandemic. School for one, then daycare after school. If school is closed he goes to camp. If school and camp are closed he has a babysitter. If all those things fail (or hes sick) we alternate who stays home from work. Now school is closed, daycare is closed, babysitters are too scared to babysit and we cant both take off, at least for now. This is an unprecedented event that noone would have thought to plan for.

One of the best practices for us, in the event of stressful or crazy situations was always to try and maintain as much normalcy for the kids as possible. When my husband got laid off, we didnt even tell the kids we just slightly adjusted our lives to minimize the financial impact. When another unexpected event happened we made sure that our kids felt safe and that nothing was changing. In this situation NOTHING is a normal as before. And we dont know how to maintain that normalcy for them. Which is why the school stuff if upsetting to me. That is their normal. Their routine.
 
Old 03-20-2020, 07:12 AM
 
237 posts, read 51,747 times
Reputation: 561
It sounds like you and your husband both have good jobs.

Consider hiring a responsible neighborhood teenager who's also out of school to come over during the day to be with your son.

You could plan the activities and he/she could carry them out. Including the 4-6 pm school hours which you could oversee when you get home. Without actually having to conduct class yourself. And how hard could kindergarten work be.

Our great-niece (7) loves the Little Passports kits. Last fall when we got back from a trip to England she had put together a cardboard replica of Big Ben for us.

While working on it she learned about how much the bell weighed, how it was put in place in the tower and much more.

Perhaps you could start your son with NYC (subscription very affordable) and some famous buildings to construct, Flatiron, Empire State, etc. since his parents are in the construction industry. www.littlepassports.com

We can understand the extra stress on you with a child at home but still having to work.

School has become if not Life for kids, a lifeline for parents and it's very tough to do without.

Above all try not to complain emotionally in front of your son. Put your game day face on. Be cheery and bright for him. We'll get through this!

Cheers. This too shall pass.
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