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Old 04-18-2020, 02:28 PM
 
5,185 posts, read 4,474,106 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by musicfamly5 View Post
As someone who is adopted I would like to point out that the statement is a little misguided and not considering the trauma and emotional unbalance that is absolutely a result of adoption.

I was adopted at birth and grew up dealing with abandonment and identity issues due to my adoption. From the time I was an infant I had to get help managing my anxiety and issues dealing with being alone or "taken" from my parents. This would result in extreme mood swings if I felt someone would leave the room, not being able to sleep alone, having trouble making friends because I would get so emotional when we had to leave.

This isn't to say some kinda of mental illness aren't genetic as they absolutely can be. But most older children and even children rehomed in infancy can develop a wide variety of mental health issues due to being separated from their parents.

There is information out there on the topic as adoption has come under the spotlight in recent years. Some pretty interesting studies actually show that international adoptions result is less outward bad behavior because they're forced to adapt more, but they suffer from depression and hold it in more. Meanwhile the domestic adoptions such as my own tend to result in behavior and attachment/relationship issues more so.

https://www.swiftriver.com/adoption-...health-issues/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4475346/

https://www.sovhealth.com/mental-hea...s-study-shows/

https://www.claudiablackcenter.com/a...-young-adults/
Music, I'm not saying that adopted children are somehow immune to trauma in their adoptive family settings. From what you've related in the past, you've been through a lot in your adoptive family! What I'm pointing out is the very high level of mental illness in children who are the offspring of people with mental illness, drug abuse, and criminal behavior, going back generations and across degrees of relation in their biological families of origin. It comes out, genetically, in them, even though they were raised in loving two parent adoptive families, where they were given every form of love, attention, support, and despite professional help at the first sign of trouble. With the change in society allowing birth mothers to keep their children, even if they're teens, single, poor, it means that children available for adoption nowadays are often from families so dysfunctional on both sides, going back for generations, that no one can take the baby.
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Old 04-19-2020, 04:19 PM
 
1,970 posts, read 574,565 times
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Audio books are epic are also great. Sometimes when my kids are acting up I put on a book for them to listen to and they love it. It could be hearing another voice in the house at these times is welcoming. Probably tired of hearing just DH and I.
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Old 04-19-2020, 06:47 PM
 
Location: Northern Maine
5,350 posts, read 1,945,861 times
Reputation: 7765
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
Music, I'm not saying that adopted children are somehow immune to trauma in their adoptive family settings. From what you've related in the past, you've been through a lot in your adoptive family! What I'm pointing out is the very high level of mental illness in children who are the offspring of people with mental illness, drug abuse, and criminal behavior, going back generations and across degrees of relation in their biological families of origin. It comes out, genetically, in them, even though they were raised in loving two parent adoptive families, where they were given every form of love, attention, support, and despite professional help at the first sign of trouble. With the change in society allowing birth mothers to keep their children, even if they're teens, single, poor, it means that children available for adoption nowadays are often from families so dysfunctional on both sides, going back for generations, that no one can take the baby.
Genetic predisposition is not a sentence.
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Old 04-27-2020, 09:45 AM
Status: "DFTT" (set 19 days ago)
 
10,323 posts, read 10,825,338 times
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Try to read up on "internal control" as it relates to children's behavior. She may still be going through the terrible two's later than a typical two year old. It doesn't necessarily start at age two and end at age three. Stick with the time outs they are always going to be harder on you than they will be on the child. You should find the amount of time that the child spends out of control and falling a sleep getting a little shorter each time.

I would probably give the child some love after they have calmed down and make like nothing happened. Too much explaining may be wasted with on a four year old's cognitive skills.
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Old 04-28-2020, 06:22 PM
 
5,845 posts, read 8,641,236 times
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The OP has been gone since 4/9.
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