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Old 04-02-2020, 08:47 PM
 
237 posts, read 51,747 times
Reputation: 561

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spazkat9696 View Post
Sounds like she needs medical intervention.
I completely agree. This is beyond the scope of two young parents with a new baby on the way.

If I found myself in this situation I'd call the pediatrician's office and arrange for a teleconference. Ask firmly for guidance, direction, resources and referrals to specialists.

Also just a thought: before calling the doctor record at least parts of a meltdown so s/he can witness it. Just verbally describing "meltdown" can sometimes not be as effective as seeing the behavior.

As daddy2dd recognizes, his daughter's antisocial behavior isn't normal and must be dealt with, by medical professionals preferably.

A lot of good advice has been given here, with great ideas.

I think sitting in a room while she goes off is actually a good idea, that way she can be monitored for her safety and not allowed to destroy things. Having an audience at this point is secondary in importance.

One thing stuck out to me in his narrative: both he and his wife took meds in school for anxiety.
What was the source of the anxiety?
It was so bad medicine had to be taken?
What meds?

Things like this are often genetic. Maybe daughter has severe anxiety attacks. Just a thought.
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Old 04-02-2020, 10:06 PM
 
7,041 posts, read 3,613,464 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daddy2dd View Post
Hello.

I have a 4 year old daughter who is very aggressive and destructive when angry and I can't figure out how to make it stop. Anything can set her off. Yesterday morning, it was because I parked the car on a driveway chalk drawing she did a day before. Usually, it's when she doesn't get her way or if she's very tired.

Here is my dilemma. When she gets angry she lashes out on the environment. She will try to flip furniture, pull curtains off the walls, knock over end tables, slam doors. Very recently, she ran off down the street. Obviously, I can't let her do that so I have to physically stop her. As soon as I, or my wife, touch her, she will start hitting, scratching, kicking, and biting us. She drew blood yesterday on my wife's arms. As I type I this, I have scabs on the tops of both of my hands. If I try to restrain her, she'll scream that we're choking her and try to spit on us. She'll fight to free herself until she passes out. So, you can see my problem. I can't let her destroy the house, but I also can't physically stop her without being attacked myself.

We have tried everything: spanking (which only makes her angrier), timeouts (she will not stay in the timeout spot and will fight you to get out), taking things away, talking to her after when she finally gets calm. When she is in the red zone, it's like she can't even hear us talking. There is nothing that can stop her.

Lately, my only method is to take her upstairs to a spare bedroom and sit against the door so she can't leave (while inside room with her). She will repetitively scream "go away" or "stupid head" over and over for at least an hour while trying to get out of the room. It only stops when she completely fatigues herself. I don't even know how she still has a voice when it is done. By the end we are scraped up, tired and wondering why we decided bring a second child into this.

I need a new strategy but don't have any better ideas. I can't let her destroy things and I can't let her hit me. But if I stop one, I get the other.
Vaccinated?
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Old 04-03-2020, 09:43 AM
 
1,889 posts, read 2,346,217 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JONOV View Post
I know I'm repeating myself but I'd again talk to the pediatrician about a sleep study.
I'd second this. My nine year old son got diagnosed with narcolepsy. Lack of sleep can have a significant impact on behavior.
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Old 04-03-2020, 10:53 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
26,211 posts, read 16,892,951 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by English Ivy View Post
What do you recommend instead?

That's what a therapist advised us to do. Granted, therapists don't know everything. But out of everything we've tried, it's been the most successful. I would think our own personal safety would come first over damage to possessions.

But if you have any ideas, please, I'd love to hear. I am a parent who is in a similar situation as the OP.
If that worked for you, I bow to your experience. I think dad staying in the room with child having a meltdown is not a bad method, as he is doing,

My children had meltdowns and tantrums, and I learn to ignore or downplay them. But my kids were not as disturbed as this little one. I do suspect there us an element of manipulation in this child’s behavior, but I am not a psychologist.
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Old 04-03-2020, 11:26 PM
 
2,124 posts, read 858,096 times
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Sorry to add....with the new baby coming, a professional could consider intervention an emergency. Your daughter may take things out on the new baby. I know a family where many sessions and meds and regular checkups help. Sorry your going through this.
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Old 04-04-2020, 08:11 AM
 
19,063 posts, read 24,909,775 times
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Watch the magic pill
On Netflix. There’s a kid on there
That sounds like your daughter even worse

They took the sugars n carbs out of the kids diet
And a new kid started flourishing
Yep sounds too easy. But please watch this movie

I dated a lady with a young boy - cute kid that would go into
A defiance meltdown if contested - even from his bad behavior
I thought he just needed a little discipline - boy was I wrong his brain was like a sparkler
When angry - out of control no fear

The mother stopped trying to discipline - not using the word BAD
Not a test of wills - would calmly try to divert
The defiance - if he totally lost it - she would bring him to his room and tell him to scream away and she had no reaction. - this did pretty good - give them an alternative activity at the ready -
The mother went as long as she could not to use drugs

I gave the kid options - if he did something just for a reaction or test ( like hit me)
I would calmly say there’s consequences to actions you are good you have privileges
If you aren’t you will go to your room
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Old 04-04-2020, 09:52 PM
 
1,959 posts, read 567,322 times
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This sounds rough, sorry to hear your going through this. My 5 year old can be very strong willed and has been yelling a lot lately when he doesn’t get his own way. It’s very frustrating and has been happening more over the past few weeks. He does better on a schedule. He was busy with kindergarten and hockey before coronavirus changed life. Now we’re stuck at home. We try to get our for fresh air everyday but it rained the past few days. I am not happy with his behavior but I also empathize since his world has changed. Thankfully he’s not violent. It sounds like your daughter is getting herself into such a tizzy that she doesn’t realize what she’s doing. Doesn’t make it right. Sounds like she is really overreacting when things don’t go her way. Do you give into her a lot ? I do feel that I often give into my son and I’m not as firm as I should be. If your daughter wasn’t violent i might just say it’s a phase but scratching the preschool teacher in addition to you is wrong. Kids know by 4 that they can’t hurt other people. I would try to find out why your daughter gets angry to the pint of getting violent. She could need medication which I hate to suggest but she needs to stop the violence especially with a baby coming.
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Old 04-06-2020, 05:03 PM
 
9 posts, read 5,265 times
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Update: Lots of bad days. I'm at my wit's end. In the last few days she has run down the street several times, urinated on me on purpose, scratched me bloody, kicked the dog in the face, threaten to smash her baby brother's face.

Today, after she smashed her bedroom lamp, and destroyed some other things, I was restraining her so she couldn't break anything else. My wife said Daddy will let you go when you calm down. She asked her mommy to hurt me for her, since she couldn't due to being restrained. I was stunned by the level of evil and clear-headedness in that statement.
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Old 04-06-2020, 05:44 PM
 
5,845 posts, read 8,636,168 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daddy2dd View Post
Update: Lots of bad days. I'm at my wit's end. In the last few days she has run down the street several times, urinated on me on purpose, scratched me bloody, kicked the dog in the face, threaten to smash her baby brother's face.

Today, after she smashed her bedroom lamp, and destroyed some other things, I was restraining her so she couldn't break anything else. My wife said Daddy will let you go when you calm down. She asked her mommy to hurt me for her, since she couldn't due to being restrained. I was stunned by the level of evil and clear-headedness in that statement.
She needs medical intervention. Maybe oven inpatient help. You need to get in touch with a doctor ASAP. I haven’t read the whole thread but I hope you’ve states you’ve already done so. If not, this is no different than any other medical neglect. Sorry if you think that sounds harsh but she is suffering just as much as you.
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Old 04-06-2020, 06:01 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,451 posts, read 19,206,858 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daddy2dd View Post
Update: Lots of bad days. I'm at my wit's end. In the last few days she has run down the street several times, urinated on me on purpose, scratched me bloody, kicked the dog in the face, threaten to smash her baby brother's face.

Today, after she smashed her bedroom lamp, and destroyed some other things, I was restraining her so she couldn't break anything else. My wife said Daddy will let you go when you calm down. She asked her mommy to hurt me for her, since she couldn't due to being restrained. I was stunned by the level of evil and clear-headedness in that statement.
I am a retired Early Childhood Special Education Teacher (with almost forty years of experience and a masters degree in Early Childhood Development). IMHO, this is a significant level of inappropriate and dangerous behavior. Please contact your daughter's pediatrician as soon as the office opens tomorrow morning (or even tonight if she does not settle down). Insist that you receive a referral to a child psychiatrist. If you are not able to get an emergency appointment sometime this week, I would suggest contacting your local children's hospital for assistance. This is not something that you can just "ignore and hope it gets better" and not something that you can handle by reading a few books and trying new behavioral techniques on your own.

Last edited by germaine2626; 04-06-2020 at 06:13 PM..
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