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Old 04-07-2020, 08:49 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,404 posts, read 46,693,254 times
Reputation: 94774

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge781 View Post
I was probably harsh but can a 4 yr old child really have mental health problems?
Yes.
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Old 04-08-2020, 12:31 AM
 
Location: Northern Maine
5,330 posts, read 1,935,284 times
Reputation: 7702
A lot of parents are afraid of their children, they try to be their children's friend first, parent second.
Children have an uncanny ability to read that fear.

I saw a dog barking in a guys backyard, barking non stop at nothing in particular.
Children can be like that, they don't know what they're supposed to do so they act out until they get what they crave, attention. Even if the attention involves pain, its attention.
Once that behavior sets in it takes work to redirect it.
https://youtu.be/_O2cwSzKpe4

Be well.
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Old 04-08-2020, 07:06 AM
 
1,959 posts, read 567,322 times
Reputation: 1505
I absolutely think this child’s behavior is awful but I think some people on here are taking it a bit far in saying she needs psychiatric help and better get it fast before she kills someone. Yes some people here did say that.
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Old 04-08-2020, 07:18 AM
 
Location: Oregon
313 posts, read 72,846 times
Reputation: 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
How was she able to vomit on demand, though?
She didnt.. my thought is that she was so upset it caused her to throw up. My son used to do that.. get sooo worked up, he would start gagging and throwing up
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Old 04-08-2020, 07:33 AM
 
Location: Oregon
313 posts, read 72,846 times
Reputation: 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge781 View Post
I was probably harsh but can a 4 yr old child really have mental health problems? At this age there’s autism which it doesn’t sound like she has but given that she seems to know what she’s doing maybe she just knows how to manipulate him. She knows she can get away with what she’s doing so why stop.
OH YES! a 4 year old CAN have mental health issues!
At 4 years old.. 'make believe' is at the forefront... EVERYTHING is 'magic' or things that they do and say we have to constantly remind them that its 'pretend'... that we are just 'playing'.

A 4 year old knows what they are doing to some extent.. until the 'make believe' comes into play - and then they get caught up in their own fantasy that they believe it.

For example: I took my 4 year old Grandaughter to the park, and we saw a squirrel run up the tree trunk.
She followed it til it went up... and she looked up and said 'Gram Im going to climb this tree and catch that squirrel and pet him!' and I said 'Ok'. And watched her.. She walked up to the tree and put her hands on either side of it.. and raised her foot.. and it slipped off. She then walked around it.. and I said 'perhaps we can climb it another day' and she replies "I WILL climb this tree!" and I said 'well you can pretend to climb it' and she replies 'No Gram! I WILL climb it' (it came from the movie "Frozen" lol). And she proceeded to try and try until she finally gave up.

In HER mind she COULD climb it. She wasnt pretending.. she COULD and she WOULD.

A 4 year old knows they are manipulating (at first) but then they get caught up and drawn into the 'pretend' emotions so much that it FEELS real and suddenly it is... so then it escalates.

When my son was younger and going through this.. I would put him in his room. He would open and slam and open and slam the door over and over - yelling horrible things.. that Im going to jail, that he hopes I die, on and on. I finally had to 'lock' his door so he couldnt open it. (I tied the door handle to the opposite hall closet door handle with a piece of rope). It would take him 3 and 4 hours to stop screaming and kicking the walls and throwing things. It got to the point where all he had in his room was his bed because he had broken or thrown everything else.

With my Grandaughter, Ive learned. NOW ... lets say in the instance if I had accidentally sprayed her with the hose. I would have said 'you are so right! I should NOT have sprayed you with the water.. that was not nice of me'. (validating her feelings of 'it wasnt ok' as well as teaching her that spraying someone with the hose isnt nice). "I am so so very sorry because I love you and I dont want to do hurtful things to someone I love so much'. She will have calmed down enough for me to pick her up and hug her tightly. (for my GD the tight hug is important as she has SPD).

Sometimes you have to let your pride out of the way... admit you were wrong... and not make it about your child being in the wrong.

Im not saying the OP hasnt tried everything... Im just saying what has worked for me with my son and Grandaughter - both of whom has/had these similar issues.

Hope that helps
Kacey
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Old 04-08-2020, 07:41 AM
 
Location: Oregon
313 posts, read 72,846 times
Reputation: 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonesg View Post
A lot of parents are afraid of their children, they try to be their children's friend first, parent second.
Children have an uncanny ability to read that fear.

I saw a dog barking in a guys backyard, barking non stop at nothing in particular.
Children can be like that, they don't know what they're supposed to do so they act out until they get what they crave, attention. Even if the attention involves pain, its attention.
Once that behavior sets in it takes work to redirect it.
https://youtu.be/_O2cwSzKpe4

Be well.
I think alot of parents are afraid to discipline their children.... There are so many people willing to call CPS on parents for discipline that its gotten out of hand... and so parents are constantly walking on egg shells.
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Old 04-08-2020, 07:46 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,404 posts, read 46,693,254 times
Reputation: 94774
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge781 View Post

I absolutely think this child’s behavior is awful but I think some people on here are taking it a bit far ...
The fact that you've never experienced this is fortunate, but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Certain behaviors are way beyond normal and are clear signs of other conditions. While they can be anecdotally recognizable, it's up to doctors to diagnose it.
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Old 04-08-2020, 08:32 AM
 
1,959 posts, read 567,322 times
Reputation: 1505
How is it helpful to tell the OP to get help now before his kid kills someone
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Old 04-08-2020, 09:32 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,404 posts, read 46,693,254 times
Reputation: 94774
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge781 View Post
How is it helpful to tell the OP to get help now before his kid kills someone
How is it helpful to focus on one inflammatory comment out of almost 80 posts?

That's how the internet works. You keep the good advice and ignore the bait.
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Old 04-08-2020, 09:39 AM
 
281 posts, read 162,328 times
Reputation: 663
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaceyellis View Post
OH YES! a 4 year old CAN have mental health issues!
At 4 years old.. 'make believe' is at the forefront... EVERYTHING is 'magic' or things that they do and say we have to constantly remind them that its 'pretend'... that we are just 'playing'.

A 4 year old knows what they are doing to some extent.. until the 'make believe' comes into play - and then they get caught up in their own fantasy that they believe it.

For example: I took my 4 year old Grandaughter to the park, and we saw a squirrel run up the tree trunk.
She followed it til it went up... and she looked up and said 'Gram Im going to climb this tree and catch that squirrel and pet him!' and I said 'Ok'. And watched her.. She walked up to the tree and put her hands on either side of it.. and raised her foot.. and it slipped off. She then walked around it.. and I said 'perhaps we can climb it another day' and she replies "I WILL climb this tree!" and I said 'well you can pretend to climb it' and she replies 'No Gram! I WILL climb it' (it came from the movie "Frozen" lol). And she proceeded to try and try until she finally gave up.

In HER mind she COULD climb it. She wasnt pretending.. she COULD and she WOULD.

A 4 year old knows they are manipulating (at first) but then they get caught up and drawn into the 'pretend' emotions so much that it FEELS real and suddenly it is... so then it escalates.

When my son was younger and going through this.. I would put him in his room. He would open and slam and open and slam the door over and over - yelling horrible things.. that Im going to jail, that he hopes I die, on and on. I finally had to 'lock' his door so he couldnt open it. (I tied the door handle to the opposite hall closet door handle with a piece of rope). It would take him 3 and 4 hours to stop screaming and kicking the walls and throwing things. It got to the point where all he had in his room was his bed because he had broken or thrown everything else.

With my Grandaughter, Ive learned. NOW ... lets say in the instance if I had accidentally sprayed her with the hose. I would have said 'you are so right! I should NOT have sprayed you with the water.. that was not nice of me'. (validating her feelings of 'it wasnt ok' as well as teaching her that spraying someone with the hose isnt nice). "I am so so very sorry because I love you and I dont want to do hurtful things to someone I love so much'. She will have calmed down enough for me to pick her up and hug her tightly. (for my GD the tight hug is important as she has SPD).

Sometimes you have to let your pride out of the way... admit you were wrong... and not make it about your child being in the wrong.

Im not saying the OP hasnt tried everything... Im just saying what has worked for me with my son and Grandaughter - both of whom has/had these similar issues.

Hope that helps
Kacey
+1

I forgot to mention in my first response how effective validation can be.
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