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Old 05-04-2020, 02:52 PM
 
Location: Massachusetts
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We ended up on a 1-week rotating schedule. 1 week there, 1 week here. Repeat. Probably carry this through the summer
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Old 05-14-2020, 09:52 AM
 
8,528 posts, read 10,589,889 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kaceyellis View Post
Actually... youre incorrect. It IS about the child spending time with both parents... HOWEVER... it is ALSO about the custodial parent (you know.... the one who has the child every other day other than 2 days every other week???) getting some free time to .... take a bubble bath by themself... to read a book... to go window shopping... to sleep in...
Particularly in my daughters case, where the child is on the Autism spectrum and is a handful.
Nope, that is what babysitters are for.
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Old 05-14-2020, 09:55 AM
 
10,253 posts, read 18,145,519 times
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Originally Posted by spencgr View Post
Nope, that is what babysitters are for.
Are you saying that it is better for a child to be with a babysitter rather than one of their parents?
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Old 05-14-2020, 10:51 AM
 
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My son and his ex ended up with what you did, BostonMike, after the first several weeks, and when both were furloughed at home, so he spends a week with each.
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Old 05-14-2020, 11:04 AM
 
Location: Oregon
313 posts, read 72,846 times
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Originally Posted by spencgr View Post
Nope, that is what babysitters are for.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

We are talking about right NOW... during the Covid 'shelter at home" mandate... where the preschools/daycares are closed and there are NO babysitters to be found.
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Old 05-14-2020, 02:00 PM
 
5,173 posts, read 4,464,209 times
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Originally Posted by BostonMike7 View Post
We ended up on a 1-week rotating schedule. 1 week there, 1 week here. Repeat. Probably carry this through the summer
While this is certainly better than the 5:2/5:2 alternating schedule that many with 50/50 custody use, the fewer transfers, the better, in terms of the potential for coronavirus to be carried back and forth between the households. If the kids are older, I'd consider moving to an every other month in the near future, if possible, because it more greatly decreases the risk of infecting both parents (and possibly losing both parents). If they're little, it's hard on them to be away from the other parent for that long.
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Old 05-15-2020, 07:52 AM
 
Location: Oregon
313 posts, read 72,846 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
While this is certainly better than the 5:2/5:2 alternating schedule that many with 50/50 custody use, the fewer transfers, the better, in terms of the potential for coronavirus to be carried back and forth between the households. If the kids are older, I'd consider moving to an every other month in the near future, if possible, because it more greatly decreases the risk of infecting both parents (and possibly losing both parents). If they're little, it's hard on them to be away from the other parent for that long.
Actually this is a really great idea My daughter did suggest it to her ex... thinking that way theres the 14 day quarantine time built right in (more or less) -but ex said he couldnt take his child for a full month ....(bear in mind, he has filed a hardship for child support with the courts stating he is making ZERO income currently)....He said can only take her for 2 days every other weekend.. and thats what he wants. (he had also said no video chatting.. either his 2 days or nothing).

Considering he isnt working... theres no reason he cant take her for a full month at a time until this is over. Although on the other hand, he has his gf and her 3 kids to think about LOLOLOLOL
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Old 05-15-2020, 08:18 AM
 
Location: Massachusetts
11,040 posts, read 11,982,197 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
While this is certainly better than the 5:2/5:2 alternating schedule that many with 50/50 custody use, the fewer transfers, the better, in terms of the potential for coronavirus to be carried back and forth between the households. If the kids are older, I'd consider moving to an every other month in the near future, if possible, because it more greatly decreases the risk of infecting both parents (and possibly losing both parents). If they're little, it's hard on them to be away from the other parent for that long.
We live in different states, so it wasn't a 50/50 split before. I was the non-custodial parent. We settled on it due the fact that both households had 2 working parents engaged in WFH and it was tough to balance that with distance learning for 3-4 hours a day as well. So we moved to a 50/50 plan on our own temporarily.

Plus, as mentioned, the parents and step-parents are all working at home, using food and goods delivery services and for the most part not going anywhere. No public transportation, live in low-density suburbs, etc. It would be one thing if one of us worked in a hospital, or grocery store, or other high-risk location, but that's not the case here, so we feel comfortable with the schedule and risks associated with a weekly transfer.

When (remote) school is done, we may go to 2 week alternating schedule to mitigate risk further.

Last edited by BostonMike7; 05-15-2020 at 08:26 AM..
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Old 05-16-2020, 07:08 AM
 
Location: NJ
13,183 posts, read 22,896,266 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BostonMike7 View Post
So, what are other parents doing with regards to quarantines, and joint custody children that spend time in two homes?

Travelling between two homes doesn't exactly make for the best practices in times of self-isolation.
Thankfully my 6 year old grandson that lives with us doesn't see his sperm donor, so it's a non issue.

My daughter (who also lives with us) also has a 3 year old daughter that lives with her father 5 minutes away. He's a mechanic working during this. He has a 15 year old daughter that he has custody of. I'm sure she's still seeing her mother and grandparents that are local. He also has a 16 year old foster kid that stays home during the day with his daughter. I'm not sure what he does with his 10 year old foster kid. He's also dating someone with multiple kids. He's already been tested for the virus, thankfully it was negative.

With my grand daughters head start being closed, she comes here every day but he picks her up when he gets home from work. Even though we have her all week, they're still doing the alternating every other weekend which makes for a long 12 days before my hub and I have a weekend with just one kid. They're easy to handle when it's just one of them but are a handful when together; especially with both of their routines changed. It's very hard to teach my grandson with his home schooling with his sister here. My daughter tries to keep her occupied but there are times she has multiple video doctor appointments, so I'm watching both. My grandson hasn't wanted to do his home schooling for the last 3 weeks.

My daughter hasn't worked all year due to her health. I don't know what he'd do with my granddaughter if she was working because there's no way I can have the 2 by myself. He'd probably take her to court to have a judge tell her to quit. She was working with an ambulance company and would be an essential worker. My health is also bad, I'm disabled and have a weak immune system. My adult son that lives with us is also working, so we have a lot of potential ways to get the virus, especially due to my granddaughters father's situation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kaceyellis View Post
My daughter and her ex are having this issue currently. He gets child every other weekend. (According to the parenting plan, he is supposed to get her the opposite every other Wed from after school til bedtime also - but he kept 'forgetting' to pick child up from school or he would pick her up right before close and return her to Mom about 30 min later... so they agreed to do away with Wednesdays).

Additionally, on his weekends he would flake - hes supposed to pick child up Friday from school and take her to school Monday Morning. He would call Friday and say he cant take her that weekend. (hes done this 5 or 6 different times since last year). Its usually on a weekend that he knows my daughter has something going on - a work committment or the last time was when she and her fiance were moving!

My daughter has been SO very accomodating. She doesnt like it, because he NEVER makes up that lost time
so she then has child ALL the time. (plus working full time).

He also flakes on child support... is late alot of the time.

So... now the Covid pandemic comes along. Ex texts my daughter to say he cant take child on his weekend because he has been 'exposed' to Covid and he was instructed to 'quarantine and monitor' for 14 days. He said he quarantined... except for going to the grocery store and getting gas. My daughter says 'quarantine due to exposure means NO GOING OUT AT ALL. He tells her shes an idiot.

My daughter says that perhaps they should rethink visitation during the pandemic, because Ex's new GF works in a hospital (which is how he was exposed) and its risky because my daughters (live in) fiance just received a transplant and is at high risk.

Ex says 'nope' HE gets every other weekend and she cant just keep their child from him. She tells him that she is trying to look out for the well being of their child, and that he can have extra weekends after the pandemic is over.

Next thing he says is 'I can no longer pay child support, because Im now not working'. And he files for a modification of child support with the DHS office.

She tells him he cant stop paying child support, she needs it to help take care of THEIR child. She tells him to get another job (he was self employed as a car detailer) or file for unemployment. He says theres no jobs and says he cant get unemployment. (We've sent him numerous articles showing he can).

My daughter suggested video chats with child. Nope. Ex says either visitation or nothing.

My daughter said UNTIL he truly quarantines AND GF isnt living with him... he isnt getting visitation.

Stalemate.
Your daughter is in a no win situation with an a-hole.

Is child support paid thru the state? If so, they'll take his stimulus for child support and also should take it out of unemployment.

My son's sperm donor was the same with visitation but back in the 90's we didn't have cell phones. I'd make the 45 minute drive and he just wouldn't show up. Some days he didn't answer the phone when I used a pay phone. I took him to court at one time to enforce visitation and won but it didn't help.

Thankfully my ex's aunt (fathers sister) who didn't have kids would take my son every other weekend for me from when he was 2 until we moved an hour away when he was 8 in 93. She was the one that gave him an open invitation to see my son when they went for their Friday night dinner at a restaurant. It was rare he showed up. She's the one I did holidays with too so that my son would see his fathers side. His grandfather passed in his late 60's but his mother lived to 6 days shy of 108; so my son was blessed to have his great grandmother until he was 30 years old.

My daughters father is the one that gave me the most issues with our custody agreement even though he also became a dead beat when my daughter got to be about 8. My granddaughters father is also one that likes to take my daughter to court, even when we would have her all summer because my daughter was out of work.

Is there any way you can take your grand kid to give your daughter some time?
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Old 05-16-2020, 07:33 AM
 
Location: Oregon
313 posts, read 72,846 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
Your daughter is in a no win situation with an a-hole.

Is child support paid thru the state? If so, they'll take his stimulus for child support and also should take it out of unemployment.

My son's sperm donor was the same with visitation but back in the 90's we didn't have cell phones. I'd make the 45 minute drive and he just wouldn't show up. Some days he didn't answer the phone when I used a pay phone. I took him to court at one time to enforce visitation and won but it didn't help.

Thankfully my ex's aunt (fathers sister) who didn't have kids would take my son every other weekend for me from when he was 2 until we moved an hour away when he was 8 in 93. She was the one that gave him an open invitation to see my son when they went for their Friday night dinner at a restaurant. It was rare he showed up. She's the one I did holidays with too so that my son would see his fathers side. His grandfather passed in his late 60's but his mother lived to 6 days shy of 108; so my son was blessed to have his great grandmother until he was 30 years old.

My daughters father is the one that gave me the most issues with our custody agreement even though he also became a dead beat when my daughter got to be about 8. My granddaughters father is also one that likes to take my daughter to court, even when we would have her all summer because my daughter was out of work.

Is there any way you can take your grand kid to give your daughter some time?
You are a strong woman... thats for sure!! Well done!!

Re Child Support - Nope... he was giving her a check 4 times a month (as a self employed detailer, he didnt have regular paychecks so he would give her 4 intallments a month and she agreed to it). He wont file for unemployment (he claims he cant get it.. but thats not true) and he hasnt filed his taxes since the year before they divorced so we doubt he'll get a stimulus.

When he filed with the courts last month - it was for a 'hardship' waiver of his child support. He had put on the court paperwork that he would pay $100 of his obligation by the 29th of April (and the balance will still be owing, but he wont get in trouble for it owing currently due to the virus) - BUT that IF he failed to pay that $100 the hardship file would be void. He claimed he made ZERO money, hence the need for the hardship... but my daughter is able to still look at his detailing schedule and it looks like he has been working pretty steadily throughout the month. And the fact that he claims he cant take their child for a full month at a time - only every other weekend, suggests he is still working - cause otherwise... what the heck is he doing all day every day that he cant take his child?

Anyway..... he never paid that $100 and my daughter rec'd a letter from DHS yesterday explaining that the hardship was ONLY for the month of April.. and now he is SOL because they are going to investigate him lolololol (Karma Baby).

Actually I do take my grandchild Ive had her since the end of March - every single day Mon - Fri. My daughter drops her off at my house on her way to work (she lives just up the street from me) and she picks her up on her way home from work. Additionally I keep her overnight one night a week so my daughter has at least a little time to herself. Its difficult for me to take my grandchild on the weekends, or overnight on the weekends because I need those 2 days to recuperate... its tough having a 4 year old again all day long, pretty much 'cooped up' (particularly as my grandchild has behavioural issues) - and one day a month my daughter has taken a PTO day and I keep my grandchild overnight that night so my daughter can recuperate.

I was a single mom of my kids from the time they were little little... and there was NO visitation, NO child support no anything from my ex... so I know how difficult it is in the best of times to be a single parent... so between us - my daughter and I - we have made it work... but its not easy.

And it just pisses me off... her ex... he's an Ahole for sure.
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