U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-02-2020, 06:18 PM
 
1,959 posts, read 567,322 times
Reputation: 1505

Advertisements

No. People are supposed to stay home and quarantine.

My MIL was supposed to fly out later this month and stay with her other son. She cancelled the trip and just said she’d come another time. I believe she’s supposed to come in June but I’m not sure that’s a good idea. She is 74, gets pneumonia easily, has diabetes, asthma, fibromyalgia. She’s like a text book case if someone who is in big trouble if she gets coronavirus. Stay home. Thanks.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-02-2020, 08:21 PM
 
1,331 posts, read 483,062 times
Reputation: 847
Quote:
Originally Posted by GVLNATIVE View Post
My parents are in their 70s. They aren't in great health. My mother has no immunity to basically anything, and my father is just old and infirm.


My mother is demanding that I come visit, and that if I come, I stay for an extended period. That doesn't sound safe to me, since I am in an area with a high prevalence of coronavirus.


My mother demands that when I come, I have to stay only in my bedroom and in one small parlor in one corner of the house.


That doesn't sound great. Work is really busy; we're required to work remotely, but I need a desk, phone, printer, etc. I'll have to sit in a chair with no desk, with a laptop in my lap.


Would you even go?


Thanks.


Explain and apologize profusely that you're not coming---for the safety and benefit of all.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-02-2020, 08:38 PM
 
12,380 posts, read 9,442,894 times
Reputation: 22821
Book your trip for the fall.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-02-2020, 09:18 PM
 
146 posts, read 69,778 times
Reputation: 900
OP it sounds like your mother may be frightened. You may want to call her to feel out what her situation is. If it’s just general anxiety, just to reassure her, and keep reinforcing that your going there for an extended period of time is just not safe at this point. You may want to try calling on FaceTime more often, so that they can actually see you and feel the support and love that you have for them.

On another note, are they able to access groceries, pharmacies? Do they have adequate food at home? Are they afraid to go out and if so, can you arrange for a service to come in with needed items for them.

Sounds as if she’s afraid. But it’s not safe, stay home.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2020, 06:08 AM
 
659 posts, read 170,896 times
Reputation: 843
Quote:
Originally Posted by mercedesmarcelina158 View Post
OP it sounds like your mother may be frightened. You may want to call her to feel out what her situation is. If it’s just general anxiety, just to reassure her, and keep reinforcing that your going there for an extended period of time is just not safe at this point. You may want to try calling on FaceTime more often, so that they can actually see you and feel the support and love that you have for them.

On another note, are they able to access groceries, pharmacies? Do they have adequate food at home? Are they afraid to go out and if so, can you arrange for a service to come in with needed items for them.

Sounds as if she’s afraid. But it’s not safe, stay home.

Thanks. Yes, she worries too much.


I'm a middle-aged adult. I have a job that takes up at least around 65 hours a week at the office. I can manage, and I'm fine. I just have zero control over my work schedule, being in a professional services industry focused on meeting client needs. But every few hours, my mother emails me saying, "I'm worried about you!" and giving me basic advice about coronavirus, and asking what my plans are.


I want to respond:


"As I've said zillions of times, I have no idea what my plans are. Work is busy and I cannot make plans in advance, at least M-F. That's how it's been for 25 years and so you should know that by now. And stop worrying- it does no good, and your constant freaking out just adds stress to everyone's life."



But obviously I can't say that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2020, 06:16 AM
 
9,614 posts, read 2,533,226 times
Reputation: 22002
OP, you have my sympathy!

Old, selfish and demanding relatives are the WORST. My grandmother was like your mother, and as horrible as it is is to say, when she finally died at the age of 92, the main emotion I felt was relief. (I was her only living direct relative for the last ten years of her life, and she really knew how to push ALL the guilt buttons and nothing I ever did was good enough for her, in her opinion.)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2020, 06:22 AM
 
Location: USA
474 posts, read 148,774 times
Reputation: 1908
This is a visit? From what you've described, it sounds more like a prison sentence with cellmates you know.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2020, 07:04 AM
 
659 posts, read 170,896 times
Reputation: 843
Thanks, everyone. My parents are wonderful, and I need to be a good child to them. It's great that they care.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2020, 07:59 AM
 
7,799 posts, read 3,758,747 times
Reputation: 20485
Quote:
Originally Posted by GVLNATIVE View Post
Thanks. Yes, she worries too much.


I'm a middle-aged adult. I have a job that takes up at least around 65 hours a week at the office. I can manage, and I'm fine. I just have zero control over my work schedule, being in a professional services industry focused on meeting client needs. But every few hours, my mother emails me saying, "I'm worried about you!" and giving me basic advice about coronavirus, and asking what my plans are.


I want to respond:


"As I've said zillions of times, I have no idea what my plans are. Work is busy and I cannot make plans in advance, at least M-F. That's how it's been for 25 years and so you should know that by now. And stop worrying- it does no good, and your constant freaking out just adds stress to everyone's life."



But obviously I can't say that.
Nor should you say that to anyone.
I think a more diplomatic and assertive approach can meet each person's concerns.
'Mom,I appreciate your concerns. They certainly are valid. May I assure you I am plugging along with my work obligations.
Matter of fact this week I have xyz to focus on. I'm sure you respect my talent . Now back to task. Tell Dad I said hello!, Bye for now. '

Whether near or far we tend to want to gather during stress filled time. This epidemic is counter intuitive and ask we not. Go easy on your parents .their coping skills come from past experiences.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-03-2020, 02:57 PM
 
Location: Anchorage
556 posts, read 306,774 times
Reputation: 1274
Quote:
Originally Posted by GVLNATIVE View Post
Thanks. Yes, she worries too much.


But every few hours, my mother emails me saying, "I'm worried about you!" and giving me basic advice about coronavirus, and asking what my plans are.


Set up an auto reply for her emails that goes something like:


"Thanks for your concern Mom, I'm still doing fine. Like everyone else I'm taking this day by day and have not made any plans.


Love,
XXXXX"


Turn off email notifications and have her emails automatically placed in a separate folder. At the end of the work day peruse through them and see if there is anything new that you should respond differently to.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:32 AM.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top