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Old 04-04-2020, 07:41 PM
 
Location: MID ATLANTIC
8,021 posts, read 19,626,004 times
Reputation: 9042

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OP, the time has passed to try to travel. My son and his family live outside of Annapolis and I live south of Wash DC. Back in February, both of my sons and myself took this threat very seriously.....down to buying TP, bedside commode, and 30 pounds of coffee, dog food, medications, oxygen concentrator, I even bought 2 dozen bandanas. The idea was when SHTF we would all round up at his place.

I moved over the 9th of March, beat the Maryland shelter in place by 10 days. My youngest, a bartender at a major resort (shut down 3/11/2020) and married to a teacher was going to self quarantine and then head over after 2 weeks. But, now they are remaining in place, which everyone agrees is smart.

There is no reason for me not to return home with my 2 dogs except for the fact I will soon be 62 and I am afraid, very afraid. My youngest thinks I am safer to return home and he could be right. And even though my youngest lives 1/4 mile from me, I think I would be more afraid, only due to the lack of human to human contact. I work from home M-F, but there's a lot of holes with my time


Look, when you are in your 30's and 40's, heck even in your 50's, death is this vague event that happens later. But when I turned 60, death was suddenly very real. I am not typically obsessed, but this is different. I do have other risk factors, but my blood sugar is under tight control and my recent dx of asthma is fairing well. (In early January, I spent 4 nights in the hospital on oxygen, with an initial dx of COPD and 2 weeks after discharge, found to have asthma at 61 yo. I went to urgent care because I couldn't breathe, and was sent to the ER with low oxygen levels. Two of my doctors say no way this was COVID-19, but one wants me to get the antibody test as soon as I can).

Anyway, your mother is likely scared, very scared. Right now she's an annoyance to you. But I urge you to dig down and find some extra compassion and make a nightly check-in call, find something you think she may enjoy to keep her busy and have it shipped to her. Even if it is the wrong thing altogether, it will be treasured because it was from you.
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Old 04-04-2020, 08:07 PM
 
659 posts, read 170,896 times
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Thanks, everyone. She seemed so scared and clingy that I had to go. I know that I am going against the advice of this thread, but for an aging parent, as angry as I am at everything right now (particularly the friend in the other thread), I figured that it would haunt me in 10 years at her funeral.

I told her that it wasn’t smart since I could have coronavirus but she said to come.
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Old 04-04-2020, 08:15 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,401 posts, read 46,677,077 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GVLNATIVE View Post
Thanks, everyone. She seemed so scared and clingy that I had to go. I know that I am going against the advice of this thread, but for an aging parent, as angry as I am at everything right now (particularly the friend in the other thread), I figured that it would haunt me in 10 years at her funeral.

I told her that it wasn’t smart since I could have coronavirus but she said to come.
You succumbed to guilt.
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Old 04-04-2020, 08:16 PM
 
Location: Tucson/Nogales
18,985 posts, read 22,734,389 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
A lot of older people are chafing at the restrictions of quarantine. Your parents will just have to deal. There is no reason you should go stay with them, and in fact it could kill them.

Stay put. Visit when the virus has died down.
When the virus dies down? And they could be dead by then!
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Old 04-04-2020, 10:43 PM
 
659 posts, read 170,896 times
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Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
You succumbed to guilt.
Yes, and I’m angry at myself for having done so.
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Old 04-04-2020, 11:31 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,649 posts, read 651,947 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GVLNATIVE View Post
Yes, and I’m angry at myself for having done so.
It is a shame you do not seem to have some laws to quote to her. Here most of the state borders are closed. In my state the fine for breaking the social distancing rules can be about $US7,000. (they are mostly just warning people but the powers are there) I actually wanted to go to help my daughter with online learning for her kids this week, as I did last week. But when the rules were tightened last Sunday night she said it was too much to risk, it was against the new rules. I realised that the stress if I insisted or took the risk would be very unfair to her.

I learnt with my elderly mother that if I could quote the rules made by anyone but me, she was more accepting. But if from me that was another matter.
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Old 04-05-2020, 02:38 AM
 
Location: San Francisco
17,618 posts, read 5,905,649 times
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I was wondering if the real reason your parents are so frantic to have you come home is that they are worried about you catching COVID-19. They may believe that you would be safer with them if you stay in your room. At any rate, good luck to you, stay safe, and I hope everything works out OK.
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Old 04-05-2020, 02:46 AM
 
659 posts, read 170,896 times
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Originally Posted by Bayarea4 View Post
I was wondering if the real reason your parents are so frantic to have you come home is that they are worried about you catching COVID-19. They may believe that you would be safer with them if you stay in your room. At any rate, good luck to you, stay safe, and I hope everything works out OK.
That’s the reason but it’s moronic. I’ll be with two other people in close proximity now. Before, I was all alone.
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Old 04-05-2020, 07:23 AM
 
Location: Florida
12,559 posts, read 5,980,921 times
Reputation: 25713
Quote:
Originally Posted by GVLNATIVE View Post
My parents are in their 70s. They aren't in great health. My mother has no immunity to basically anything, and my father is just old and infirm.


My mother is demanding that I come visit, and that if I come, I stay for an extended period. That doesn't sound safe to me, since I am in an area with a high prevalence of coronavirus.


My mother demands that when I come, I have to stay only in my bedroom and in one small parlor in one corner of the house.


That doesn't sound great. Work is really busy; we're required to work remotely, but I need a desk, phone, printer, etc. I'll have to sit in a chair with no desk, with a laptop in my lap.


Would you even go?


Thanks.
No - I wouldn't go especially since your mother "demanded" it. You're an adult, don't let her bully or guilt you into doing something you don't want to do. If she demands that she see you, let them come to you and put them in one room.
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Old 04-05-2020, 08:18 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,401 posts, read 46,677,077 times
Reputation: 94765
Quote:
Originally Posted by GVLNATIVE View Post
That’s the reason but it’s moronic. I’ll be with two other people in close proximity now. Before, I was all alone.
You have a choice.
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