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Old 04-05-2020, 10:52 AM
 
2,174 posts, read 1,071,890 times
Reputation: 4177

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Quote:
Originally Posted by GVLNATIVE View Post
My parents are in their 70s. They aren't in great health. My mother has no immunity to basically anything, and my father is just old and infirm.


My mother is demanding that I come visit, and that if I come, I stay for an extended period. That doesn't sound safe to me, since I am in an area with a high prevalence of coronavirus.


My mother demands that when I come, I have to stay only in my bedroom and in one small parlor in one corner of the house.


That doesn't sound great. Work is really busy; we're required to work remotely, but I need a desk, phone, printer, etc. I'll have to sit in a chair with no desk, with a laptop in my lap.


Would you even go?


Thanks.
No. I understand your mother is probably concerned she wouldn't see you again if she caught the virus but this is crazy. Tell your mother you will call or facetime her daily.
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Old 04-05-2020, 10:59 AM
 
2,174 posts, read 1,071,890 times
Reputation: 4177
Quote:
Originally Posted by GVLNATIVE View Post
Thanks, everyone. The advice in this thread is pretty unanimous.


My parents are insisting that I come, though; my mother called me, almost crying, and begging that I come. Something's not right.
Yes, she is watching too much news. Tell her to stop worrying and turn off the news. That if they and you abide by the measures the government has told us to, that all will be fine. If they need help in paying for delivery of groceries do that for them. Just reassure her that you and they will be ok.
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Old 04-05-2020, 02:43 PM
 
Location: MID ATLANTIC
8,031 posts, read 19,644,786 times
Reputation: 9065
OP, cut yourself some slack. You were in a tough spot. Hindsight is always 20/20. That will never change. Move forward believing everything happens for a reason, you just may not know what it is yet.

No outbreaks but about 20 years ago I went to see my father in Texas (from WashDC) and the first full day I was there, we spent it together and then settled in for a movie after dinner. We were chatting and he didn't respond. I looked over and he was slumped over. I remember my ex and I argued over that trip. Money was tight, but I had not seen him for a bit and felt I had to go. I will never regret that trip, I had that last day with him.
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Old 04-05-2020, 02:58 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
26,276 posts, read 16,930,698 times
Reputation: 39920
OP, you have chosen to visit. Don’t best yourself up.

On your mom’s frequent contacting you—is it possible that she forgets she has sent message already? Is she losing some cognition? On your visit you could pay attention. Your parents might be flailing right now. They might need help.
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Old 04-05-2020, 06:51 PM
 
Location: interior Alaska
4,959 posts, read 3,706,137 times
Reputation: 15754
It's not too late to cancel. If you think you feel guilty about not going, imagine how guilty you'll feel if you bring them the virus.
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Old 04-05-2020, 07:23 PM
 
657 posts, read 176,130 times
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Thanks, everyone. I am now with them. Despite plans to stay far away from them, my mother is my shadow, certainly not 6 feet away, even though I keep telling them to back off, and that I could have coronavirus despite seeming healthy.
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Old 04-05-2020, 08:53 PM
 
Location: Barrington
52,952 posts, read 37,085,020 times
Reputation: 17214
Quote:
Originally Posted by GVLNATIVE View Post
My parents are in their 70s. They aren't in great health. My mother has no immunity to basically anything, and my father is just old and infirm.


My mother is demanding that I come visit, and that if I come, I stay for an extended period. That doesn't sound safe to me, since I am in an area with a high prevalence of coronavirus.


My mother demands that when I come, I have to stay only in my bedroom and in one small parlor in one corner of the house.


That doesn't sound great. Work is really busy; we're required to work remotely, but I need a desk, phone, printer, etc. I'll have to sit in a chair with no desk, with a laptop in my lap.


Would you even go?


Thanks.
No is a complete sentence.

Having said this, it sounds like they may want to protect you from the virus. No one wants to outlive their children.
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Old 04-05-2020, 09:40 PM
 
7,825 posts, read 3,775,271 times
Reputation: 20563
Quote:
Originally Posted by GVLNATIVE View Post
Thanks, everyone. I am now with them. Despite plans to stay far away from them, my mother is my shadow, certainly not 6 feet away, even though I keep telling them to back off, and that I could have coronavirus despite seeming healthy.
Just had an idea.....when we had cats that bothered us or was being mischievous we sprayed them with a water spray bottle. You should carry one and when Mom gets too close....squirt squirt ! ....
Just some humor til mom can stay a safe distance. Also keep jumping around and saying...opps! Time to hand wash. !
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Old 04-06-2020, 08:24 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,466 posts, read 19,228,723 times
Reputation: 46312
Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
OP, you have chosen to visit. Don’t best yourself up.

On your mom’s frequent contacting you—is it possible that she forgets she has sent message already? Is she losing some cognition? On your visit you could pay attention. Your parents might be flailing right now. They might need help.
Excellent points.
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Old 04-06-2020, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Northern NJ
9,480 posts, read 8,614,121 times
Reputation: 12609
Quote:
Originally Posted by GVLNATIVE View Post
Thanks, everyone. I am now with them. Despite plans to stay far away from them, my mother is my shadow, certainly not 6 feet away, even though I keep telling them to back off, and that I could have coronavirus despite seeming healthy.
You have no one to blame but yourself, but you already know that. Manipulation is a two-way street, and you are a willing dance partner. Your lack of symptoms are irrelevant. You can carry for weeks if not months. By being spineless, you have allowed yourself the very plausible possibility of infecting people you love, who are in the high-risk group, with a deadly disease. This is not the act of a loving child.

While it is too late for you to do the right thing, others may profit by reading this. Don’t make this mistake in this critical time. Stay the eff away from your older relatives until the danger is passed. No matter how whiny or pissy they get.
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