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If you have to stay in your room or in a small corner of the parlor, I can't imagine how your being there would benefit your parents, not to mention that you would be putting them at risk.
We are in our 60's and I'm scared. I think that's what's going on with your mother... she's scared. She also might be scared she'll never see you again.
You are just going to have to say no, you can't visit. This is for their own protection to keep them as healthy as possible.
Thanks, everyone. The advice in this thread is pretty unanimous.
My parents are insisting that I come, though; my mother called me, almost crying, and begging that I come. Something's not right.
If you feel that "something is not right", is there someone local that you can speak with? Perhaps, a neighbor or a relative or someone from their church/synagogue/mosque ? Can they check on your parents preferably in person at a social distance or at least call & talk with them? Or contact their primary care physicians with your concerns. If you can't think of anyone ask the police or health department if they can do a "wellness check."
Good luck. Post back.
Last edited by germaine2626; 04-04-2020 at 10:58 AM..
My parents are in their 70s. They aren't in great health. My mother has no immunity to basically anything, and my father is just old and infirm.
My mother is demanding that I come visit, and that if I come, I stay for an extended period. That doesn't sound safe to me, since I am in an area with a high prevalence of coronavirus.
My mother demands that when I come, I have to stay only in my bedroom and in one small parlor in one corner of the house.
That doesn't sound great. Work is really busy; we're required to work remotely, but I need a desk, phone, printer, etc. I'll have to sit in a chair with no desk, with a laptop in my lap.
Would you even go?
Thanks.
No. Absolutely not. You parents have their head in the sand.
Thanks, everyone. The advice in this thread is pretty unanimous.
My parents are insisting that I come, though; my mother called me, almost crying, and begging that I come. Something's not right.
She has to understand that the world does not rotate around her right now. Please explain to her that you cannot just pack up and travel. Have you checked restrictions lately? Working under the conditions you post here will be hell.
Is she pushing the guilt button? Can you speak with your father? Friends/family they are in touch with? Local Red Cross?
Been there until she pushed the button on last time!
Thanks. My mother has lots of close friends and a support system.
They live 600 miles away. I do head down there pretty often for a weekend to help them out, but often when I offer to come help,they say no.
I would like to go, but not for an extended period. I can't get work done there.
OP, if they're old and inform, you must be well into adulthood, yourself; old enough to not need the approval of strangers to say "no" to your mother's unreasonable demands. She sounds bossy, controlling, unpleasant, and unappreciative of your offers to come help, when you are available. I can't imagine why you'd even consider the prospect of meeting her current demands.
Is it really so hard to say "no"? You have some very good reasons to do so, not the last of which is, that the visit could literally end up killing your mother. Does she not understand that you're working? You have a full-time job. Did she think you were furloughed, or does she simply not care about your circumstances? Is she the type to disregard rules and laws, and simply do (or demand) what she wants, when she wants it, no matter the consequences?
I think it would be interesting, if you required her to get her doctor's written approval for an extended visit from you, assuming he knows you live in a community with a high incidence of the virus. But it doesn't matter if she gets his approval or not; no means no. You're not available at this time. Right? Didn't you say you have a job, and it's going through a busy period right now? Is there a reason, why this isn't enough, and you're asking us if it's ok to turn your mother down? What would your boss say, if you suddenly went AWOL on him for a couple of weeks?
The fact that you haven't already told her you're not available, plus it's not safe for her, leads me to wonder if you were the family appeaser growing up. There's something wrong with this whole picture. Or a lot wrong. There's got to be a backstory, a history to the family dynamic.
Thanks, everyone. The advice in this thread is pretty unanimous.
My parents are insisting that I come, though; my mother called me, almost crying, and begging that I come. Something's not right.
Is she ill? Is she in touch with her doctor? Have you talked to your dad, to find out what's going on, and why she's crying? I don't know your mother, but I've known moms, who create drama in order to get what they want, so I don't know what to make of this. I'm inclined to think she's a good actor, but OTOH, she may be having symptoms, or imagining symptoms, and is worried. Do you have siblings who could check in on her?
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