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Old 04-02-2020, 04:37 PM
 
659 posts, read 170,896 times
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My parents are in their 70s. They aren't in great health. My mother has no immunity to basically anything, and my father is just old and infirm.


My mother is demanding that I come visit, and that if I come, I stay for an extended period. That doesn't sound safe to me, since I am in an area with a high prevalence of coronavirus.


My mother demands that when I come, I have to stay only in my bedroom and in one small parlor in one corner of the house.


That doesn't sound great. Work is really busy; we're required to work remotely, but I need a desk, phone, printer, etc. I'll have to sit in a chair with no desk, with a laptop in my lap.


Would you even go?


Thanks.
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Old 04-02-2020, 04:45 PM
 
Location: Wilmington NC
5,923 posts, read 5,652,853 times
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Nope! It's a terrible situation...she's worried she might need your help, but you are just as likely to bring her the virus as you are to be able to help her out. Tell her you are not allowed and blame the government for placing restrictions on your travel.

Do they have any sort of support system? Is there a neighbor you can call to see if they can do daily checks, even through the window or standing 10 feet back from the front door? I would be glad to do that service if I had a neighbor in need.

Call their Area Agency on Aging to see what they recommend. She sounds really scared.

I'm so grateful my mom is in a continuing care community right now.
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Old 04-02-2020, 04:52 PM
 
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How far away are they?
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Old 04-02-2020, 04:57 PM
 
1,534 posts, read 625,479 times
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No. If your state is shut down, this is nonessential travel. Not to mention just stupid.
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Old 04-02-2020, 04:58 PM
 
659 posts, read 170,896 times
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Thanks. My mother has lots of close friends and a support system.


They live 600 miles away. I do head down there pretty often for a weekend to help them out, but often when I offer to come help,they say no.



I would like to go, but not for an extended period. I can't get work done there.
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Old 04-02-2020, 05:02 PM
 
Location: planet earth
6,625 posts, read 2,744,389 times
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No, I would not go. I don't like it when people "demand" things of me.

Why don't you demand they do whatever you want and see what happens?

I would help them in other ways - order groceries and supplies online, etc.
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Old 04-02-2020, 05:14 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
26,211 posts, read 16,892,951 times
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Well , I wonder why you are getting this demand now. Any ideas?

Have you asked your mother?

If her request is as you say, then I agree it is unreasonable. But I wonder if they need your help.

No, stay home now. But you might need to get involved remotely in their lives. Perhaps they are isolated and afraid.
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Old 04-02-2020, 05:52 PM
 
14,142 posts, read 14,742,898 times
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A lot of older people are chafing at the restrictions of quarantine. Your parents will just have to deal. There is no reason you should go stay with them, and in fact it could kill them.

Stay put. Visit when the virus has died down.
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Old 04-02-2020, 05:58 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,451 posts, read 19,206,858 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
Well , I wonder why you are getting this demand now. Any ideas?

Have you asked your mother?

If her request is as you say, then I agree it is unreasonable. But I wonder if they need your help.

No, stay home now. But you might need to get involved remotely in their lives. Perhaps they are isolated and afraid.
Great points. I wonder if they need your help to survive (or think that they need your help). Try to figure out why they want you to come now.

As others have said, your visiting may be a death sentence for them.
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Old 04-02-2020, 06:00 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,404 posts, read 46,693,254 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post

There is no reason you should go stay with them, and in fact it could kill them.

Stay put. Visit when the virus has died down.
I agree. I don't see how this is a question at all, OP.

They're 600 miles away. Just keep saying, "It's not safe. I'll visit when the travel restrictions are limited." If they keep badgering you, tell them you won't talk on the phone if this is all they are calling about.

Keep reinforcing those boundaries.
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