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Old 04-10-2020, 07:06 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
15,550 posts, read 22,908,687 times
Reputation: 23783

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
So you've got until Monday morning?

That might be enough time to change things. It's only Friday right now.

I never have understood parents who have ZERO resources for friends who can take care of their young children in an emergency. This is a wake-up call to them - they need to form friendships where they do favors for their friends, and their friends do favors for them. And they have a safety net.

I think I'd ask them what they would do if you fell and broke a hip? Then, they should do whatever that plan is.
We’re in the middle of a pandemic. It’s a bit different than asking a friend for help.
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Old 04-10-2020, 08:52 PM
 
14,289 posts, read 5,903,511 times
Reputation: 33775
Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
We’re in the middle of a pandemic. It’s a bit different than asking a friend for help.
I'm not sure that's what's causing this difficulty here, but maybe. Paid daycare seems to be scarce. And maybe that's all this family of four had to rely on before the 3rd child was born. People they pay to watch their kids.

Parents need to form alliances with other parents, and everyone watch everyone else's back, so no one ends up in this situation where only one grandparent is stuck watching two grandchildren and there is absolutely no one else who has any desire whatsoever to help out.

I moderate a pregnancy forum online, and there are innumerable pregnant women who have zero people who can drive them to the hospital when they are in labor, and zero people who can watch any of their children while they birth another one.

I'm sorry I sound so frustrated. But really, parents, DEVELOP FRIENDSHIPS.
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Old 04-11-2020, 12:53 AM
 
Location: Tempe and Payson
1,019 posts, read 2,633,168 times
Reputation: 1421
OP are you eligible for FMLA at your work? It may be an option of last resort.

In my area there are a lot of Moms who are looking to make extra money by babysitting for those whose children are not in school or daycare. It sounds like you have a temporary situation there so look on your neighborhood Nextdoor website.
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Old 04-11-2020, 01:02 AM
 
Location: interior Alaska
4,938 posts, read 3,698,333 times
Reputation: 15696
Just be blunt but not unkind with them. "I can't take any more time off work, so I know it's hard, but you'll have to come get the kids Sunday afternoon. I love you, and give my love to DIL and the new baby, too. See you soon."

I mean, are they taking advantage, sure. But it's an extreme circumstance in a time of extreme circumstances, so I'd cut them quite a bit of slack and save any drama for a time when there's not a baby in NICU or an immediately postpartum mom.
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Old 04-11-2020, 11:35 AM
 
Location: USA
469 posts, read 148,774 times
Reputation: 1895
OP, does the SIL have family? If so, they should be stepping up to the plate.
You've done your time. You have a job and a life, too. Reclaim it.
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Old 04-11-2020, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
18,450 posts, read 19,201,925 times
Reputation: 46282
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip View Post
Just be blunt but not unkind with them. "I can't take any more time off work, so I know it's hard, but you'll have to come get the kids Sunday afternoon. I love you, and give my love to DIL and the new baby, too. See you soon."

I mean, are they taking advantage, sure. But it's an extreme circumstance in a time of extreme circumstances, so I'd cut them quite a bit of slack and save any drama for a time when there's not a baby in NICU or an immediately postpartum mom.
Well said.
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Old 04-11-2020, 02:18 PM
 
5,312 posts, read 4,651,250 times
Reputation: 11628
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip View Post
Just be blunt but not unkind with them. "I can't take any more time off work, so I know it's hard, but you'll have to come get the kids Sunday afternoon. I love you, and give my love to DIL and the new baby, too. See you soon."

I mean, are they taking advantage, sure. But it's an extreme circumstance in a time of extreme circumstances, so I'd cut them quite a bit of slack and save any drama for a time when there's not a baby in NICU or an immediately postpartum mom.
It's her daughter. She should be able to communicate that she helped out & now she needs get to her job. Everyone needs respect that.
I would not agree to any after work childcare because that could go awry easily.
OP said she felt taken advantage of. If you feel that way it's usually because that's what's going on.
Sometimes people think a woman's job or her time is not important. Would they consider leaving a 2&5 year old with a grandfather for that length of time? Even if OP didn't have a job & work to get back to, taking care of two for 24hrs a day is a lot.
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Old 04-11-2020, 02:37 PM
 
5,170 posts, read 4,462,029 times
Reputation: 14867
Quote:
Originally Posted by vikesfanmb View Post
I have a situation that I’m grappling with right now.

My daughter and son in law had a baby this past Monday, but he is sick and being kept in the hospital with no discussion of a discharge date. His prognosis is good and all of his lab work has been 100% normal, no infections, no fever, not even an elevated white count. At first, they thought he might have a collapsed lung - but that was ruled out. His only symptom is breathing too rapidly, but he’s been steadily improving since Monday.

Long story short, I’m the only grandparent capable of watching the 2 older kids - but I’ve literally had no relief. My daughter was medically discharged Wednesday, but she and her husband have continuously stayed with the new baby and not been home at all.

I have a full time job, but was able to take 1 week of vacation time - but that’s all I have. My work needs me. But I can’t leave these kids unsupervised either. They’re 2 and 5.

No daycares are open, and my kids don’t have any friends or other family that they can or will ask. So I am REALLY stuck. My opinion is, their dad (my daughters husband) needs to come home, but he is refusing because he feels he needs to be there for moral support. And my daughter feels the same.

I tried calling the hospital to talk to a social worker, just to see if they could suggest anything. But instead, I was connected with a nurse who essentially told me off, and said “well wouldn’t I want to stay with my sick baby”? Yes, I get it. But they have 2 other kids who need them just as much, at hone.

Feel like I’m being taken advantage of.
You ARE being taken advantage of. From what you describe, the baby will be FINE, and the parents are using the excuse of the baby's hospitalization as a chance for a vacation from taking care of the older children, with you as the caregiver.

I'll never forget the couple who sat for a WEEK in the hospital with a baby who really didn't even need to be there (I remember one of the nurses actually had the nerve to say to the admitting physician, "Dr. Pedi, are you buying a boat or what?" because he made so many inappropriate admissions to the hospital that she questioned his motivation), while leaving the toddler, who needed them, at home, with an incredibly stressed out Grandma.

In any event, it's time for you to tell your daughter that it's been lovely, but that you have to go back to work, and so you're going home, and you'll be happy to come back next weekend to help out. Maybe they'll pay for a sitter. Maybe Dad will come home, and just pay for a sitter for a few hours while he goes to visit Mom at the hospital. Maybe the baby will be discharged. It doesn't matter - you've done your part, it's their problem to solve, and they can figure out how to solve it. Time to go home, and back to work.
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Old 04-11-2020, 02:38 PM
 
1,177 posts, read 735,931 times
Reputation: 1542
Are you an essential worker during a covid lockdown? If so, you may be entitled to daycare while you are at work.
If you want to take the bull by the horns and find a solution - Call your local elected official or 311 to find out what day care centers available and if you qualify.
Or hire someone qualified from an agency who has had a background check. Possibly a live in at their house if they have more room. Plenty of college students home and not working now.
If you can’t watch them and they can’t watch them, someone else has to watch them.
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Old 04-12-2020, 06:09 AM
 
Location: Canada
6,306 posts, read 4,742,082 times
Reputation: 17488
I am surprised that the hospital is even allowing two people to stay at the hospital!!

I know it's their baby, but hospitals should be keeping strict control of just one person being there with the baby.

Once the father (or mother) leaves, they should not be allowed back in. This is in the middle of a pandemic. They need to make strict rules and stick to them.

My niece is due in July for a C-section. The father can't be present and can only visit mother/baby for ONE hour after the birth, then must leave and not go back until they are both released.

Yes, THIS practice sucks, but keeping the hospital workers safer from being exposed by non-essential family members is the right thing to do.
---------------------------------------------
OP, I don't blame you. Insist that either the mother or father comes home to care for the other kids.
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