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Old 04-12-2020, 06:55 AM
 
Location: NJ
13,183 posts, read 22,896,266 times
Reputation: 12164

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Quote:
Originally Posted by vikesfanmb View Post
I have a situation that I’m grappling with right now.

My daughter and son in law had a baby this past Monday, but he is sick and being kept in the hospital with no discussion of a discharge date. His prognosis is good and all of his lab work has been 100% normal, no infections, no fever, not even an elevated white count. At first, they thought he might have a collapsed lung - but that was ruled out. His only symptom is breathing too rapidly, but he’s been steadily improving since Monday.

Long story short, I’m the only grandparent capable of watching the 2 older kids - but I’ve literally had no relief. My daughter was medically discharged Wednesday, but she and her husband have continuously stayed with the new baby and not been home at all.

I have a full time job, but was able to take 1 week of vacation time - but that’s all I have. My work needs me. But I can’t leave these kids unsupervised either. They’re 2 and 5.

No daycares are open, and my kids don’t have any friends or other family that they can or will ask. So I am REALLY stuck. My opinion is, their dad (my daughters husband) needs to come home, but he is refusing because he feels he needs to be there for moral support. And my daughter feels the same.

I tried calling the hospital to talk to a social worker, just to see if they could suggest anything. But instead, I was connected with a nurse who essentially told me off, and said “well wouldn’t I want to stay with my sick baby”? Yes, I get it. But they have 2 other kids who need them just as much, at hone.

Feel like I’m being taken advantage of.
You're being taken advantage of. Your SIL doesn't need to be there and as others have said, I'm also shocked the hospital is even allowing 2 people to be there during the virus. They both probably know that if he leaves, he will not be allowed back in.

My grand kids are almost 7 and one that just turned 3 so I know what you're going thru. It's not easy, especially with one still being in diapers.

You really need to put your foot down if you haven't; SIL needs to come home to take their 2 kids home. I also don't think you should offer to watch them after work or on weekends.

Threatening to turn them in for abandoning their kids sounds extreme, hopefully you won't have to threaten them, or threaten to call CPS.

This is not fair for you at all, nor is it fair to either of their kids. I'm surprised one of the kids isn't asking where mommy or daddy are. My grand daughter (3) doesn't live with us, her father did my daughter dirty after she gave birth. She gets antsy to go home to her father and teenage sister after 4 or so days or not seeing them. She's been here since Friday morning, her father came by last night because she was missing him.

Let us know how you make out
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Old 04-12-2020, 09:22 AM
 
540 posts, read 201,558 times
Reputation: 1443
Great advice from posters. I don’t have anything useful to add but want to support you. I’m a devoted grandma and something sort of similar happened to me. I was scheduled to go stay with my grandson while my son and his wife took a 5th anniversary trip. Well, I had unexpected back surgery and couldn’t do it. No one was happy. They cancelled the trip even though daughter-in-law’s mom was available. There was no guilt-tripping, thankfully.

You don’t have endless resources. They will need to compromise. You already have by using up you leave. Best wishes.
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Old 04-12-2020, 12:02 PM
 
1,177 posts, read 736,483 times
Reputation: 1542
Are you looking for a solution or to make you son or daughter take over their responsibility? It’s futile to suggest alternatives if only the later is what you want. Do you want child care options, suggestions on ways to put it back on them, or, maybe you just want to vent.
Let us know and you’ll get more targeted responses here.
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Old 04-12-2020, 12:57 PM
 
7,799 posts, read 3,758,747 times
Reputation: 20485
Poster appears to be from North Carolina.
The state has imposed a visitor restriction.
Only one parent per infant. And then the child must be in ICU . She stated he isn't critical .

Something isn't right with this scenario. The poster has/had a chronic illness. So placing the grandkids in her care was completely irresponsible of the parents.
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Old 04-12-2020, 11:52 PM
 
1,865 posts, read 687,319 times
Reputation: 5933
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
I'm not sure that's what's causing this difficulty here, but maybe. Paid daycare seems to be scarce. And maybe that's all this family of four had to rely on before the 3rd child was born. People they pay to watch their kids.

Parents need to form alliances with other parents, and everyone watch everyone else's back, so no one ends up in this situation where only one grandparent is stuck watching two grandchildren and there is absolutely no one else who has any desire whatsoever to help out.

I moderate a pregnancy forum online, and there are innumerable pregnant women who have zero people who can drive them to the hospital when they are in labor, and zero people who can watch any of their children while they birth another one.

I'm sorry I sound so frustrated. But really, parents, DEVELOP FRIENDSHIPS.
Like FACEBOOK?
There's the problem.
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Old 04-13-2020, 08:54 AM
 
1,177 posts, read 736,483 times
Reputation: 1542
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
I'm not sure that's what's causing this difficulty here, but maybe. Paid daycare seems to be scarce. And maybe that's all this family of four had to rely on before the 3rd child was born. People they pay to watch their kids.

Parents need to form alliances with other parents, and everyone watch everyone else's back, so no one ends up in this situation where only one grandparent is stuck watching two grandchildren and there is absolutely no one else who has any desire whatsoever to help out.

I moderate a pregnancy forum online, and there are innumerable pregnant women who have zero people who can drive them to the hospital when they are in labor, and zero people who can watch any of their children while they birth another one.

I'm sorry I sound so frustrated. But really, parents, DEVELOP FRIENDSHIPS.
I don’t care how good a friend, I would not let a child whose parents are in and out of a hospital during a pandemic inside my house unless they did not have any contact with their own parents. I would not take that chance at this time and endanger my family. They are my first responsibility.
Would I want 2 extra toddlers to live with me with a shelter in place going on for weeks or months. That would have to be an awfully good friend. Clara, if you are that kind of friend, you are very unusual but I don’t think you can count on many friends for that kind of a burden.
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Old 04-13-2020, 11:08 AM
 
2,301 posts, read 749,855 times
Reputation: 4973
If my best friend in the entire world ask me to leave my house or come in my house, I would say no. For my sister, I would still think long and hard about even if I knew was going to yes.

Then again, I am in New York - on the outskirts of pandemic central.

OTOH, my son was born with a similar breathing problem as the OP's grandson. I was in the hospital with him. My husband cared for our older children. A couple of years later, when my son was hospitalized with pneumonia, his father stayed and I cared for our older children. We switched off.

When a mother is recovering from childbirth with her hormones are changing rapidly, I think we have cut her some slack. However, her husband needs to care for their older children.

Are you sheltering in place with the two older children? Are their parents are scared that they have been expose to the virus?

If you need to go to work, their worries don't matter as much as your paycheck.
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Old 04-14-2020, 03:28 AM
 
Location: NJ
13,183 posts, read 22,896,266 times
Reputation: 12164
I sent the OP a PM, hopefully she comes back to give us an update
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Old 04-14-2020, 09:16 AM
 
239 posts, read 572,968 times
Reputation: 314
Sorry for the delay in updating.

It was a busy weekend and I apologize.

My daughter and SIL came home with baby on Sunday, thankfully. He made a drastic improvement Friday night and was released Sunday early afternoon.

Thank you all for the helpful advice and support. (And I am back at work as of Monday 4/13/20.)
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Old 04-14-2020, 09:41 AM
 
540 posts, read 201,558 times
Reputation: 1443
Quote:
Originally Posted by vikesfanmb View Post
Sorry for the delay in updating.

It was a busy weekend and I apologize.

My daughter and SIL came home with baby on Sunday, thankfully. He made a drastic improvement Friday night and was released Sunday early afternoon.

Thank you all for the helpful advice and support. (And I am back at work as of Monday 4/13/20.)
What great news! I’m glad your stress has been lessened.
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