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Old 04-25-2020, 03:25 PM
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Originally Posted by djsuperfly View Post
It was my HS workplace where I really got introduced to drinking and pot.
Golf club I worked at when I was 16, my boss would buy me beer every Friday after work......I gave him the cash, he left a 12 pack of Heineken on the work bench.
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Old 04-25-2020, 03:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Nonesuch View Post
Better to tell them the truth, set them up to make good decisions. Tell your kids "reefer madness" lies and they'll assume all your other warnings were also falsehoods.

Some people are more prone to becoming addicted, and some substances are more likely to cause (physical, or psychological) addiction. I don't know that it's reasonable to try to protect every teen and young adult from ever encountering an addictive substance until their brain and habits are fully formed?
So lie to your kids about Santa, Easter bunny and then they will believe you about drugs?
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Old 04-25-2020, 04:05 PM
Location: Northern Maine
5,363 posts, read 1,950,345 times
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Originally Posted by GreenPluto View Post
This by silibran:

[color=Black]Children are not stupid. They will see and mimic behavior they observe in their own homes. ]
True, I observe depression in parents get passed right along to the children, the parents are often unawares of their own condition, but it always gets worse with each generation.
What they parents were able to conceal or cope with can cripple the child.
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Old 04-25-2020, 04:37 PM
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I think as a parent, you have to lead by example... this includes not abusing alcohol, prescription drugs, marijuana, e cigerettes, or any other recreational mood enhancing chemicals. Don't hang out with people who enjoy those things either.
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Old 04-26-2020, 07:29 AM
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What kept me away from drugs were my mentors. They were smarter than me and it was pretty clear that any benefit they received from my good choices were limited. My bad choices would not affect them like it would my parents. And there was no expectation our interactions would lead to a long lasting relationship. Therefore, my questions and choices were free from the usual judgment and lecturing of parents. I was free from the expectation that I now owe another person something because they helped me. And if I didn't do what I was told to do, I would not hear "I told you so" because my mentors really believed that people do feel the consequences without anybody having to rub it in.
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Old 04-26-2020, 08:45 AM
Location: Huntsville Area
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I didn't take time to look thru all the replies. But I wish I knew what we did wrong with my daughter.

She's 32 years old and a casual meth user. She thinks it's okay to use it from time to time. And she thinks no one knows when you're on drugs. And her life is one big lie.

I had her in a 2800 square foot paid for house and she had a late model car. She refused to get a job to pay for taxes & insurance. Neighbors complained about the endless line of cars coming and going. Police sat around the corner and stopped questionable individuals--hauling dozens to jail for drug possession and outstanding warrants. The house was deemed a drug nuisance house, and the State threatened to take possession of the house.

The state later removed her two children from her possession. The father has the 12 year old son, and my wife and I are 70 years old raising an 8 year old granddaughter.

Our daughter now couch surfs, sleeping anywhere some thug lets her crash. She's on ankle express and won't look for a job since she has no transportation to a job. All the men in her life are career drug addicts with no place to live and no wheels. They will find others with a car, and they ride around all day looking for things to steal and sell for food and drugs. Our daughter has been in jail 5x in the last year for failure to pay court fines. There are maybe 200 others in our county just like her.

These people are mostly products of broken homes, with old drug addicted single mothers living in mobile homes. Those with families have thrown their sons/daughters on the streets after families have been embarrassed by their antics. Families won't bail them out of jail--leaving them there to rot until the jail is overflowing.

Our daughter's not like that. She was raised in big houses, and she's been to Europe and all over the world. She is a behavioral problem with ODD, ADHD/Bipolar, OCD and Borderline personality issues. She has insurance, and will sell her prescribed drugs to eat. She can be so sweet, but is a raving ***** most of the time. We're through with her, as she refuses to step up and (1) do what is right, (2) layoff the drugs and (3) break ties with all community criminals.

We've accepted that we will raise this 3rd grader. She's amazingly well adjusted, a straight A student and she knows the difference between right and wrong. And we have her in church anytime the doors open (regular times). Her mother was raised the same way, but one day just went click--bad personality appeared. We pray for them all daily.
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Old 04-26-2020, 08:48 AM
Location: Denver 'burbs
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There are no guaranteed methods.

I think keeping them busy, focused and heard are all important. How those are achieved will vary depending on the child.
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Old 04-26-2020, 08:59 AM
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A can't abuse wont ya don't use.

Its THAT simple. Guaranteed to work too.
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Old 04-26-2020, 10:28 AM
Status: "DFTT" (set 22 days ago)
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When I worked in social service (boys under 18) many of them were in placement due to something other than drugs but most of them used drugs an alcohol. It was hard to tell who was using and when they were using. Fortunately for me I spent a lot of time, 24/7 with these kids long before I had adolescents of my own.

There is this "right of passage" drug, alcohol, sex and cigarette use that kids are exposed to around middle school that's hard for them to avoid but you want your kid to keep moving through that period and leave it behind them. What I did learn from working with young offenders 13-18 is those that had some kind of identity didn't sink too low and rely on substance abuse, crime or sex for their identity among their peers. The kid whose family owned a large farming operation, the ones that excelled at sports or music or had strong familial ties seemed to move on.

Get your kids involved in something around 12. It doesn't matter what it is they just need something that they can identify with aside from school and home. Don't let them just go to school and come home every day. The way our society is today is that there are too many parents (some single) who have to work nights and those kid's homes are going to be the "hangout house." I have seen kids from the top of the socio-economic strata to the bottom all turn out wrong. And kids who were poor as dirt with parents who were poor examples turn out great.

Last edited by thriftylefty; 04-26-2020 at 11:34 AM..
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Old 04-26-2020, 11:24 AM
Location: Southwest Washington State
26,294 posts, read 16,937,831 times
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Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
Keep them busy. Having something to do, will keep them from trying drugs because they are bored. Intense sports can turn their life around. I am not a sports aficionado, but one of our sons was headed down a dark path and then he started rowing. Now a national champion, coach and health-nut, he can tell you the effect that almost any substance will have on your health and rowing performance. He is not likely to risk smoking anything as he already has asthma and that is enough of a handicap to overcome. Intense cardio sports like running, bike racing, rowbing, swimming, etc seem to be the best, because you cannot continue to do them and do (most) drugs. Besides, they can replace drug use with dopamine, similar effect, less damage. (Dopamine is a chemical your body releases during/after intense exercise and gives you a drug like rush.

Try to make them feel like they are worthwhile and can make a difference in the world, without telling them (or yourself) that they are special and without making them the center of the world. It can be too much of a blow when they find out they are not special and the world is not centered on them.

Get them involved in community service, especially serving homeless people in a way that they are forced to interact with them (like serving food).

Avoid prescription narcotic pain medications outside of a hospital. Yes, it is better to deal with the pain and whatever relief Advil can give than to risk addiction destroying your life. People lived successfully for thousands of years without narcotics. Your kids can do it too. The risk is too great for the benefit they provide IMO.


If it happen, dont blame yourself. Seemingly perfect kids often fall prey to drugs. Med school students with perfect histories suddenly become heroine addicts. OTOH kids with drug addict parents often turn out to be model citizens and never drink or take any drugs.

A lot has to do with what their friends do or think is ok to do. Peer pressure outweighs parent pressure almost all the time. Telling them they cannot be friends with certain kids will have the o opposite of the intended effect most of the time. Try to keep them communicative with you and discuss respectfully as you can if they start hanging out with problem kids.
See the bolded above. Yes. Don’t raise a child of entitlement.
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