U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Covid-19 Information Page
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-27-2020, 12:28 AM
 
15,160 posts, read 7,182,055 times
Reputation: 12819

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bamaman1 View Post
I didn't take time to look thru all the replies. But I wish I knew what we did wrong with my daughter.

She's 32 years old and a casual meth user. She thinks it's okay to use it from time to time. And she thinks no one knows when you're on drugs. And her life is one big lie.

I had her in a 2800 square foot paid for house and she had a late model car. She refused to get a job to pay for taxes & insurance. Neighbors complained about the endless line of cars coming and going. Police sat around the corner and stopped questionable individuals--hauling dozens to jail for drug possession and outstanding warrants. The house was deemed a drug nuisance house, and the State threatened to take possession of the house.

The state later removed her two children from her possession. The father has the 12 year old son, and my wife and I are 70 years old raising an 8 year old granddaughter.

Our daughter now couch surfs, sleeping anywhere some thug lets her crash. She's on ankle express and won't look for a job since she has no transportation to a job. All the men in her life are career drug addicts with no place to live and no wheels. They will find others with a car, and they ride around all day looking for things to steal and sell for food and drugs. Our daughter has been in jail 5x in the last year for failure to pay court fines. There are maybe 200 others in our county just like her.

These people are mostly products of broken homes, with old drug addicted single mothers living in mobile homes. Those with families have thrown their sons/daughters on the streets after families have been embarrassed by their antics. Families won't bail them out of jail--leaving them there to rot until the jail is overflowing.

Our daughter's not like that. She was raised in big houses, and she's been to Europe and all over the world. She is a behavioral problem with ODD, ADHD/Bipolar, OCD and Borderline personality issues. She has insurance, and will sell her prescribed drugs to eat. She can be so sweet, but is a raving ***** most of the time. We're through with her, as she refuses to step up and (1) do what is right, (2) layoff the drugs and (3) break ties with all community criminals.

We've accepted that we will raise this 3rd grader. She's amazingly well adjusted, a straight A student and she knows the difference between right and wrong. And we have her in church anytime the doors open (regular times). Her mother was raised the same way, but one day just went click--bad personality appeared. We pray for them all daily.
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through all this. That said, your grandchild is fortunate to be with you both.

Sometimes what happens is mental illness rears its ugly head. You can do everything right when it comes to your child but if mental illness makes itself known when your child is an adult, you can't force them to get help. Some mental illnesses only show up in the late teens (18 or 19) or early 20s. At that point, your child is an adult in the eyes of the law.

I'm sure it wasn't easy for you but you did the right thing by detaching from her. At least her children are safe. One day your granddaughter will truly appreciate what you have done for her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-27-2020, 09:42 AM
 
5,505 posts, read 5,746,096 times
Reputation: 12983
Neither of those really. Definitely not abstinence, that is like sticking your head in the sand. I say discuss it, but the focus should be on raising a well adjusted person. Pay attention to the primary reasons people use, but not only use but use so much that it is problematic (not that I agree with it but there are plenty of people who use cocaine, heroin, etc. and are fine - not junkies at all). Be invested and connected as much to the kid as she can. I think primarily she should concentrate on that global aspect of raising a well adjusted kid who is able to deal with the ups and downs of life and experience his emotions in a healthy way.

Best of luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2020, 11:43 AM
 
Location: NJ
13,191 posts, read 22,913,651 times
Reputation: 12171
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoColts View Post
Most will try. The teens that continue are those with part time jobs who have money. Some continue because they have access to prescription drugs from family so they either use or sell to others. Some teens who are diagnosed with attention deficit disorders as children choose to sell their medication so they can buy other drugs.
Agree and parents can do whatever they want to try to stop it but there's only so much they can do unless they also home school them. Kids get their drugs from school various ways.

Parents on narcotics should be locking them up. They also shouldn't let their kids see them taking medication because once they see it, if they're doing it, they will look for it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2020, 06:14 PM
 
27,866 posts, read 30,338,574 times
Reputation: 28020
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
It's a crap shoot.

I wouldn't have kids again, just based on the fact that you can be the most nurturing parent, and still, you have no control over how your kids are going to turn out. It, evidently, has very little to do with "nurture," and everything to do with "nature."
Saying "it's a crapshoot" is a load of cr*p IMO.

No, there are no guarantees. But yes, there are odds--and you CAN improve them.

I'm tired of these "it's genetic" arguments to everything. Of course, there's some truth to it, but too often they're used as an excuse to avoid making any kind of constructive effort. I see the same kind of mentality with people being overweight/obese/diabetic. "Oh, it runs in my family" they say. Yet 2 or 3 generations back, obesity was rare and overweight people were in the minority. Genetics don't change that fast.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-28-2020, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Southern MN
7,441 posts, read 4,221,209 times
Reputation: 26387
Genetics is never an excuse. But it is an explanation.

It's the reason we have the color eyes we have, etc. A very real and scientifically based thing. Addicts can and do use anything they can think of for an excuse. That doesn't mean they can't improve their condition.

There is a genetic component to addiction and it should be discussed with young people because it does put them at higher risks than their friends who do not carry it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-28-2020, 09:34 AM
 
Location: It's in the name!
6,253 posts, read 7,432,954 times
Reputation: 2800
Knowledge. Knowledge is power. Show then a few documentaries on people who's lives are destroyed. Drugs INC. is a good one. Then let them decide for themselves. It is impossible to protect your teens at all times.

But at least they have the information to make a more informed decision. If they decide to take drugs anyway, then you have bigger issues. Family counseling may be necessary. Or there could be medical issues like clinical depression, etc.

Knowing and understanding your children and their behaviors and keeping an eye on their mental health can help head off things like drug and alcohol use.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-29-2020, 11:02 AM
Status: "DFTT" (set 19 days ago)
 
10,323 posts, read 10,825,338 times
Reputation: 7722
A lot depends on where you live, how easy drugs are to get, and which drugs are easy to come by.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-30-2020, 09:12 PM
 
5,185 posts, read 4,474,106 times
Reputation: 14966
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bamaman1 View Post
I didn't take time to look thru all the replies. But I wish I knew what we did wrong with my daughter.

She's 32 years old and a casual meth user. She thinks it's okay to use it from time to time. And she thinks no one knows when you're on drugs. And her life is one big lie.

I had her in a 2800 square foot paid for house and she had a late model car. She refused to get a job to pay for taxes & insurance. Neighbors complained about the endless line of cars coming and going. Police sat around the corner and stopped questionable individuals--hauling dozens to jail for drug possession and outstanding warrants. The house was deemed a drug nuisance house, and the State threatened to take possession of the house.

The state later removed her two children from her possession. The father has the 12 year old son, and my wife and I are 70 years old raising an 8 year old granddaughter.

Our daughter now couch surfs, sleeping anywhere some thug lets her crash. She's on ankle express and won't look for a job since she has no transportation to a job. All the men in her life are career drug addicts with no place to live and no wheels. They will find others with a car, and they ride around all day looking for things to steal and sell for food and drugs. Our daughter has been in jail 5x in the last year for failure to pay court fines. There are maybe 200 others in our county just like her.

These people are mostly products of broken homes, with old drug addicted single mothers living in mobile homes. Those with families have thrown their sons/daughters on the streets after families have been embarrassed by their antics. Families won't bail them out of jail--leaving them there to rot until the jail is overflowing.

Our daughter's not like that. She was raised in big houses, and she's been to Europe and all over the world. She is a behavioral problem with ODD, ADHD/Bipolar, OCD and Borderline personality issues. She has insurance, and will sell her prescribed drugs to eat. She can be so sweet, but is a raving ***** most of the time. We're through with her, as she refuses to step up and (1) do what is right, (2) layoff the drugs and (3) break ties with all community criminals.

We've accepted that we will raise this 3rd grader. She's amazingly well adjusted, a straight A student and she knows the difference between right and wrong. And we have her in church anytime the doors open (regular times). Her mother was raised the same way, but one day just went click--bad personality appeared. We pray for them all daily.
You gave her everything. Don't make the same mistake with the granddaughter. Set high expectations and make her earn everything.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2020, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top